How do I ask to be in a different class?
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Anonymous
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My DD has a friend in K, a girl she know outside school. They always hang out and do everything together. DD is reluctant to get out of her comfort zone and make new friends.
I don't like the girl's influence on my DD. She is very competitive and is constantly doing something to prove that she's the best. "I'm better than you..." She says. Constantly. DD chimes into the competition and copies her behavior trying to "win" where she can. Also, the other girl is controlling and DD always ends up doing what the other one tells her to do. I don't want them together in the next year's class. Whom do I ask to put DD in different classes? I would like to do it descretly, not to offend girl's parents. |
Anonymous
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You can just write a letter to the principal. Sometimes the teachers will have already picked up on these situations and they would make sure the kids are in different classes anyway.
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Anonymous
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Agree. The school should honor this request. Just be sure that you do not request a teacher at the same time. I was a teacher. It is ironic--sometimes one parent would request the kids be together and another that they be separated. Principal should honor the one that wants them separate.
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Anonymous
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Talk to this year's teacher.
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Anonymous
| I am teacher and my son had some issues a few years ago with 2 kids in his class teasing him. It escalated and I wrote an email to his teacher. She said I could request that he be placed in different classes from these other 2 kids the following year. It worked out well. Just email the teacher and ask if you need to write a letter to the principal or what the procedure is. |
Anonymous
Agree, but I would CC the principal. I taught in a school where the teachers actually placed the kids for the following year in classes. We did not put teachers' names on the lists, but divided the classes in a manner we felt was fair to all teachers. We split kids we felt should not be together, etc. Occasionally, we put some together that would be a good fit. However, circumstances change over the summer. Enrollment may go down and a teacher slot may disappear. Sometimes when changes are made, the administrators may forget. It wouldn't hurt to send a reminder in late July. |
Anonymous
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Definitely write a letter to the principal; if you were to ask at school how to do this, that's what you'd be told. Unless there is a formal letter from the parents, they are not necessarily going to consider the request. Send the letter both on paper and by e-mail, noting that a paper copy is also on the way. Simple.
I would also talk with this year's teacher if you and the teacher communicate well. Tell the teacher, "I just wanted you to know that I am writing a letter about next year's class placements and I'm asking that my Sally not be in the same first grade class with Jenny. I wanted to give you a heads-up that we're requesting that, so if you get asked about it when classes are being put together for next year, you'll know that we want them separated." There is no need to go into detail with the principal or the K teacher. Just say that your observations over this school year tell you that your daughter should be separated from Jenny for first grade and you are requesting that the girls not be placed in the same first grade class. I agree with the person who posted above that you should send a reminder during the summer as well. If class lists come out and your child is indeed in the same class as Jenny, get on the job right away and e-mail the principal immediately, or better yet, go in person to the office. Be sure you have a copy of the original request letter from this spring. A friend had requested, in writing, that her son not be in a class with another boy but somehow they got put in the same class. Friend acted the same day the class list was posted (a few days before school began, in our area) and the change got made before school ever began, so neither boy ever knew about the change. |
Anonymous
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As others said-write a letter. I have heard of parents doing this even when the friendship is great because the kids distract eachother.
I would be careful about saying another child is a bad influence even if it's true. You are only hearing 1 side of the story and when parents blame other children and make their own child sound innocent and helpless, it can be a red flag for denial. Better to just say-my child says this. We realize that is just 1 side of the story, but feel she would benefit from making some new friends and having a break from the perceived competition/teasing, etc. |
Anonymous
| OP here. Thanks! How do I wrote a letter without making it sound like the girl is a problem? What if the teacher says something to her parents? I'd be petrified. |
Anonymous
I would start by asking to meet with the teacher and having a confidential discussion. See what he or she thinks, and be explicit that you don't want the conversation being shared with the family. Then I'd write the letter. It may be that the teacher agrees with your assessment. |
Anonymous
Just say that the girls distract each other. While friends outside of school, it's not always a good combination......something like that. Don't blame it on the other girl. School will understand. |
Anonymous
They wouldn't do that. They are professionals and trained in how to handle situations like yours. Your situation isn't new at all. I would probably draft a few letters and substitute your daughters name for the friends name and read it aloud a few times to see if it sounds bad saying those things about your daughter before sending it. But you might want to say that you see the friendship as detrimental to your daughters social development and maturity. And that you want your daughter to reach her academic and social potential and you think it's in her best interest if she and this friend are in separate classes for first grade. As another pp mentioned, the k teacher may have already picked up on this and made note of it. Last year my ds teacher mentioned that the friendship my ds had with another student might make it better off if they were in different classes this school year (they get really silly and distract each other). I told her I agreed, but did not bring it up because it didn't seem like it a big huge deal to me and they are in the same class this year. But I don't have a problem with the friendship, so I didn't write a letter requesting them to be separated. I think the school will honor your request if you ask. Good luck! |
Anonymous
This is a good approach. I know two girls who are close friends whose parents wrote a letter like this. I mean both sets of parents talked to each other and decided to write two sets of letters and the request was honored. So it's not unusual and I would agree with PPs to refrain from criticizing the friend.
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Anonymous
| I'm curious as to why you're allowing the friendship outside of school if the girl is a bad influence on your daughter? |
Anonymous
Not Op, but I can think of all sorts of reasons: child may be a neighbor parents may be friends bad influence may be just in the classroom- DD may like the other girl and not making new friends because of her I wouldn't have wanted DS in the class with the next door neighbor. Too much togetherness. |