Who is responsible for addressing MIL issues?

[Anonymous]

My mother in law lives with my husband, our two children and me. She sometimes does things that I disagree with and typically I take the concern to my husband. I feel that since it is his mother, he should talk to her about it. I figure that he knows how to talk to her so that she will not take offense to the conversation and that I may not be able to express my concerns as equitably. The problem is that he will not talk to her about the problem unless I nag him about it, which I don't want to do. Today I brought up a concern and he shrugged his shoulders at me as a reply... and that was all. It infuriates me that he will not talk to her and makes me feel that he does not feel that my concerns are legitimate.

Anyway, what I want to know is, am I putting too much pressure on him to ask him to talk to her about concerns? Is this something that I should be doing on my own? FOr the record, these are always things that have to do with the kids. Thanks in advance for the feedback.

[Anonymous]

Since she is a member of your household, you need to be able to communicate with her directly. But since she is a member of your household, you also may need to pick your battles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since she is a member of your household, you need to be able to communicate with her directly. But since she is a member of your household, you also may need to pick your battles.

I agree, OP.

[Anonymous]

When people live together in a home, they should speak directly to one another about concerns, in a straightforward and calm and warm manner, perhaps in a family meeting. You are a family. Concerns should be voiced in an upbeat manner.

You should not use your husband as a battering ram against your mother in law when she lives in your home with both of you. That's not fair, and it affects his relationship with her and makes him your henchman. It also makes your home toxic for everyone who lives there that you don't talk to her directly, because it's totally passive-aggressive that you are (1) not directly voicing your feelings to one family member and (2) nagging another family member all the time. Really wrong, OP.

Finally, you need to pick your battles, or ask your MIL to live elsewhere. She lives there, it's her home too, and just because you "disagree" doesn't mean you win automatically.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since she is a member of your household, you need to be able to communicate with her directly. But since she is a member of your household, you also may need to pick your battles.

Agree also.

[Anonymous]

Agree with all of the prior psoters - she lives with you and you need to learn to communicate with her. If I were your DH, I would react exactly as he did - shrug and a rolling of the eyes.

If she lived across the country I might feel differently, although I strongly believe that adults should advocate for themselves and not put DH in the middle unless absolutely necessary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since she is a member of your household, you need to be able to communicate with her directly. But since she is a member of your household, you also may need to pick your battles.

Agree also.

+1.

I normally would say that DH has to discuss with her, but because you've allowed her to live with you, you should discuss with her. Your issue, you discuss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since she is a member of your household, you need to be able to communicate with her directly. But since she is a member of your household, you also may need to pick your battles.

+1

If your DH won't step up, you need to, or she will think its okay to not treat you as you wish to be treated. Choose your battles.

[Anonymous]

Op here. Thanks for the feedback. I will make sure to direct it directly going forward. So glad to have the feedback!