please help…with complete lack of motivation

[Anonymous]

What do you do for a child with zero motivation. I mean, he literally has said to me, "Mom, if I can get a C with hardly any work, I'm comfortable getting a C if I have to work hard to get a B or an A, it's just not worth it."

We are not talking about a child who can't achieve. He's gifted.

He suffers from ADHD and sensory challenges. He has been dx by one psychiatrist as having ASD / Aspergers but the rest of the professionals we saw said he doesn't have ASD but does have ADHD.

I have written about this so many times before with no conclusive or helpful answer. But I hope that somebody has a child like mine and can offer some help as to how to motivate such children.

I have been told to use extrinsic motivation. He likes device time so we use that as rewards for completing work. However, when is he going to learn how to intrinsically motivate himself?

[Anonymous]

If you have written about this many times before...perhaps time to back off a bit? Let maturity set in a bit, wait a few years...I hesitate to offer the same advice again.

[Anonymous]

Find a way to get him interested. Maybe he's really into x hobby. Let him explore that freely. Let go of some of the other stuff. Cs aren't going to kill him.

[Anonymous]

Love the kid you have. A C is average. It is not failing. Let your child be average. There is nothing wrong with that.

[Anonymous]

I have been told to use extrinsic motivation. He likes device time so we use that as rewards for completing work. However, when is he going to learn how to intrinsically motivate himself?

You can't make him learn to motivate himself. That's why with certain kids you have to go the extrinsic route. If/when he finds a passion, he will be intrinsically motivated. If not, well, he'll learn to achieve so that he can obtain the things he wants. The more he wants things, the better paying job he'll need.

[Anonymous]

Some people are just like that. It is a fine choice.

[Anonymous]

I was this student and I realized too late how bad this was.

Get medication, and help him work on planning skills

[Anonymous]

I learned this when I left home for college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Love the kid you have. A C is average. It is not failing. Let your child be average. There is nothing wrong with that.

This. There is no answer that's going to satisfy you.

[Anonymous]

If he's going to school and doing enough to get C's, I have three thoughts.

1. Maybe that is the best he can do and you want to believe he can do better. His "it's good enough" attitude might be his way of deflecting and not having to come right out and saying that he can's do better.

2. He does not strike me as unmotivated if he's getting up and showing up for his classes each day. Kids who are really unmotivated don't get up. They don't show up for classes even if they do go. They don't do their homework. They don't do what it takes to get Cs. You are lucky that he doesn't do these things.

3. If you haven't treated the ADHD with medication, it might be time to try.

Maybe it's time to show him his options with a C average. It might be fine with him. As a mom with a slightly above C level son who is doing his best, I can tell you that there are a lot of options and preparing starts in the early high school years.

[Anonymous]

Is he under the care of a psychiatrist? Has he been evaluated for anxiety and depression? He can have co morbid conditions in addition to the ADHD and ASD. Kids with a complicated profile like this should be under the care of a doctor.


FYI, the frontal lobs don't fully mature until ~mid twenties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Love the kid you have. A C is average. It is not failing. Let your child be average. There is nothing wrong with that.

[Anonymous]

My 19 year old is the same. He is a minimalist in every way. Would be happy to watch TV or play video games all day long.

[Anonymous]

Hit submit too soon.
We have had him tested twice at nine and 13 years, has ADHD inattentive and executive dysfunction.
Now he has depression, and anxiety, and is on meds for those in addition to focalin, which he's been on for years.
Can only do college part time and work part time. We have gradually been lowering our expectations over the years, because at some point we were very worried (and still are) about his mental health, particularly suicide risk. So, it's not been the easiest path for sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do you do for a child with zero motivation. I mean, he literally has said to me, "Mom, if I can get a C with hardly any work, I'm comfortable getting a C if I have to work hard to get a B or an A, it's just not worth it."

We are not talking about a child who can't achieve. He's gifted.

I have a gifted child who is a B student. He could ace everything, but he expends a tremendous amount of effort dealing with day-to-day stuff. Getting B's is coasting academically for him, and it's not worth it for him to try to get A's because he's already expending a lot of effort on school. Look at the whole picture - how much effort is your child spending on other stuff? Give him credit for the effort it takes to get his stuff together, remember his homework, interact appropriately with his peers, or any areas that he may find more challenging than normal. Be thankful that because he's gifted, he can relax a bit with the academics and put effort into those other areas.

I also believe in extrinsic motivation. It would be nice if we could all be internally motivated for absolutely everything we needed to do. Most of us are not. Adults often build in extrinsic motivation to their daily lives - shop for a new outfit if I exercise regularly, grab a coffee from Starbucks on the way into the office on Friday if I've managed to take my lunch every day that week, etc. Model that for your child so he has a way of giving himself incentives to do the hard stuff.