Did your affair breed insecurity?

[Anonymous]

Mine did. I never was insecure in prior relationships. Wore the pants. Until I met the man I had an affair with. Then everything changed and I destroyed the relationship. I couldn't handle the long-distance of the relationship (kids involved, only seeing each other a few times a week, etc.). I questioned everything. Had doubts. I would assume much of this came to the forefront because I knew him to be a cheater (with me). FYI - I've never been cheated on. To my knowledge. So did I destroy this relationship with my constant insecurity because no matter what; I believed once a cheater always a cheater? Looking for others perspectives. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Does it really matter? You dodged a bullet. He cheated. You cheated. You both have the morals of alley cats and you are worried about feeling insecure? Bring it up with a therapist and report back.

[Anonymous]

OP, I must say that I find the wording of your question to be odd. "Did Your Affair Breed Insecurity," as though you assume most or all of us have had affairs.

Don't you know that only losers have affairs, and most of us hold ourselves to much higher standards?

(Sorry if that fed your insecurity.)

[Anonymous]

I don't believe Op.

[Anonymous]

Yeah Op, get a life. Stop with these questions about affair this and that! Honestly, is it the affair that made you insecure or you were looking for something in the first place? Either way, you need to work on self, no? It is mute on what others think after all, we have to live with our body, mind and soul. That your conscious maybe is trying to tell you something! Should listen to yourself

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mine did. I never was insecure in prior relationships. Wore the pants. Until I met the man I had an affair with. Then everything changed and I destroyed the relationship. I couldn't handle the long-distance of the relationship (kids involved, only seeing each other a few times a week, etc.). I questioned everything. Had doubts. I would assume much of this came to the forefront because I knew him to be a cheater (with me). FYI - I've never been cheated on. To my knowledge. So did I destroy this relationship with my constant insecurity because no matter what; I believed once a cheater always a cheater? Looking for others perspectives. Thank you.

No 2 affairs are identical... There is a little insecurity with my AP, but there would be with any relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does it really matter? You dodged a bullet. He cheated. You cheated. You both have the morals of alley cats and you are worried about feeling insecure? Bring it up with a therapist and report back.

Sanctimonious. "making a show of being morally superior to other people."

[Anonymous]

Traitors fear treachery. Goes with the territory.

[Anonymous]

Yes. I felt very insecure and anxious re: my AP because I always doubted the level of care, respect and love my AP had for me. That caused me to ruin the whole thing and drive my AP away. Lesson learned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Traitors fear treachery. Goes with the territory.

Exactly. What else were you expecting, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does it really matter? You dodged a bullet. He cheated. You cheated. You both have the morals of alley cats and you are worried about feeling insecure? Bring it up with a therapist and report back.

Sanctimonious. "making a show of being morally superior to other people."

I wasn't being sanctimonious (because I don't have any interest in comparing myself to random strangers or anyone really).

Rather, I was pointing out (how bizarre it is) that she is concerned with feeling insecure rather than her poor decision making. I think she needed to reevaluate her priorities, and a therapist is likely needed (since she seems incapable of figuring this out on her own).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does it really matter? You dodged a bullet. He cheated. You cheated. You both have the morals of alley cats and you are worried about feeling insecure? Bring it up with a therapist and report back.

Sanctimonious. "making a show of being morally superior to other people."

I wasn't being sanctimonious (because I don't have any interest in comparing myself to random strangers or anyone really).

Rather, I was pointing out (how bizarre it is) that she is concerned with feeling insecure rather than her poor decision making. I think she needed to reevaluate her priorities, and a therapist is likely needed (since she seems incapable of figuring this out on her own).

Eliminate this "You both have the morals of alley cats and you are worried about feeling insecure? " and your rebuttal works. Shots like that are meant to demean while you float above in a morally superior position.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does it really matter? You dodged a bullet. He cheated. You cheated. You both have the morals of alley cats and you are worried about feeling insecure? Bring it up with a therapist and report back.

Sanctimonious. "making a show of being morally superior to other people."

I wasn't being sanctimonious (because I don't have any interest in comparing myself to random strangers or anyone really).

Rather, I was pointing out (how bizarre it is) that she is concerned with feeling insecure rather than her poor decision making. I think she needed to reevaluate her priorities, and a therapist is likely needed (since she seems incapable of figuring this out on her own).

Eliminate this "You both have the morals of alley cats and you are worried about feeling insecure? " and your rebuttal works. Shots like that are meant to demean while you float above in a morally superior position.

Wrong, pp. That statement is perfectly legit. Sometimes the truth hurts. But the truth is that having an affair is a big statement about your moral code...regardless of how common affairs seem to be in DCUMLandia. If an affair didn't say something about your character, then Bill Clinton's character would not have been called into question.

[Anonymous]

You were insecure to begin with and that's why you wore the pants. That is also why you are a cheater. Your relationship ended because it was an affair. That's the way affairs end. At least you didn't get caught, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does it really matter? You dodged a bullet. He cheated. You cheated. You both have the morals of alley cats and you are worried about feeling insecure? Bring it up with a therapist and report back.

Sanctimonious. "making a show of being morally superior to other people."

I wasn't being sanctimonious (because I don't have any interest in comparing myself to random strangers or anyone really).

Rather, I was pointing out (how bizarre it is) that she is concerned with feeling insecure rather than her poor decision making. I think she needed to reevaluate her priorities, and a therapist is likely needed (since she seems incapable of figuring this out on her own).

Eliminate this "You both have the morals of alley cats and you are worried about feeling insecure? " and your rebuttal works. Shots like that are meant to demean while you float above in a morally superior position.

+1