Sister's bad breakup

[Anonymous]

My mid twenties sister recently broke up with her boyfriend of 6 years. She moved back in with my parents which is understandably semi-miserable for her. Anyway, my mom's complaining to me that she's so sad, and she's complaining to me that my mom won't leave her alone. If you have been through such a breakup yourself, how would you procee in advising either of them? Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Sister needs to move out and get her own place. Why would she move back in with your mom??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sister needs to move out and get her own place. Why would she move back in with your mom??

+1 She's just adding insult to the injury.

[Anonymous]

Yes, unfortunately she can't afford that until her lease with ex boyfriend is up. She has a definite plan to move out in a few months, but obvs earlier would be better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sister needs to move out and get her own place. Why would she move back in with your mom??

+1 She's just adding insult to the injury.

I understand she might need a brief period getting a new apartment figured out, but there definitely needs to be a strategy for independent living.

Question. Has your sister ever lived alone? You said she's mid-twenties. Has she always lived at home, or perhaps roommates at college? I think it would be really good for her to live on her own. As an added bonus a healthy self-esteem is very attractive, and while she certainly doesn't need to be jumping back into a relationship anytime soon, ultimately she's much more likely to find a healthy, well-adjusted person if she is herself in a good place mentally.

Maybe she could come visit you for a long weekend, and you can encourage her to figure out the steps for getting her own place (plus giving your sister and mom a break from each other).

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the good advice pp. I will suggest a visit and a plan for the move. Maybe once it's set in stone, she'll feel a bit better and be able to endure a few more weeks with them, lol.

[Anonymous]

She has to stay busy. Have her start volunteering or going to the gym. Force her to get out of the house. Best for both of them. Gets her mind off it and gives mom some space. Remind her that if this person didn't want to be with her then there is no sense crying over it. You don't have to force good relationships and this one wasn't it.

[Anonymous]

She has to grieve the relationship. It might be the first really big loss she's experienced so far. Be kind and patient and counsel your parents to do the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She has to stay busy. Have her start volunteering or going to the gym. Force her to get out of the house. Best for both of them. Gets her mind off it and gives mom some space. Remind her that if this person didn't want to be with her then there is no sense crying over it. You don't have to force good relationships and this one wasn't it.

+1

I was in a years long relationship. I broke it off for a long distance job that did not pan out, in the end (after break up). Everything and everyone told me to move back in with my parents, but it simply was not an option. PP is accurate in saying insult to injury! Where is she? Is she near you at all? She is lucky to have you as a support. If she has to, and if her job doesn't pay enough, she can suck it up and live with roommates for as long as she has to. Not optimum, but better than living with parents, at that age.

[Anonymous]

Don't let her get any tattoos! Sorry, that's off topic. But I have a good friend who got a huge "starting over" tattoo after a 10 year relationship ended and now she's married to someone else and I just think it's a reminder of her heartbreak and not the inspiration she wanted it to be in the moment.

And yes to keeping her busy. There is plenty of time every day to wallow, but it doesn't need to be all day, every day. Dedicate some time to being sad, like a 30 minute cry in the morning, an hour at night, and then do something else! Living well is the best revenge.

[Anonymous]

This happened to my sister, but she was in her 30s. She lived with our parents for many many months. She was so depressed. She didn't think she could afford to live on her own, then someone pointed out she would qualify for low-income housing. So she moved out late last year and is like a new person.

[Anonymous]

Step up and give her the money she needs to get a place.

[Anonymous]

Therapy window shopping. After a bad breakup, I spent a lot of time in stores "picking out" my new furniture, etc. I didn't spend any money and I occupied my mind with pleasant thoughts.

[Anonymous]

She needs to be financially independent. Why can she not afford to live on her own?

Maybe this breakup will teach her that the man cannot be the plan.

Tell her to go back to school if need be, and get a good job and career.