Sociable Woman - Quiet Man couples

[Anonymous]

Any women here with quiet, homebody DHs? I am dating a very nice who fits the majority of my "husband" requirements (he's considerate, caring, very smart and educated, same family values, blah blah blah) and I am incredibly fond of him and am starting to fall for him.

However social life is where we struggle a little bit. I'm definitely an introvert, but I'm a sociable, outgoing introvert. I can talk for hours on end - i just need two days of quiet at home to peacefully recuperate haha. But the point is I do enjoy catching up with my friends, I like going to networking events in my industry, I like making connections and meeting people. I need down time at home afterwards, of course, and my natural state is lying in bed with a book (suits my introverted nature) but I can't be at home all the time.

My boyfriend doesn't really open up to people fast. He's very reserved, though friendly, and sometimes I think he gives people the impression that he isn't very interested in them. I know this is shyness, and I don't like the idea that I'm possibly more confident around people than he is.

Any women who brought their DHs out of their shells? And how much of a turn-off is it for you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any women here with quiet, homebody DHs? I am dating a very nice who fits the majority of my "husband" requirements (he's considerate, caring, very smart and educated, same family values, blah blah blah) and I am incredibly fond of him and am starting to fall for him.

However social life is where we struggle a little bit. I'm definitely an introvert, but I'm a sociable, outgoing introvert. I can talk for hours on end - i just need two days of quiet at home to peacefully recuperate haha. But the point is I do enjoy catching up with my friends, I like going to networking events in my industry, I like making connections and meeting people. I need down time at home afterwards, of course, and my natural state is lying in bed with a book (suits my introverted nature) but I can't be at home all the time.

My boyfriend doesn't really open up to people fast. He's very reserved, though friendly, and sometimes I think he gives people the impression that he isn't very interested in them. I know this is shyness, and I don't like the idea that I'm possibly more confident around people than he is.

Any women who brought their DHs out of their shells? And how much of a turn-off is it for you?

Every couple is different. I might be something like you. I have both introvert and extrovert qualities. Anyway, I can't tell you the gory details but it has been hell on our relationship. I did not continue my typical socialization patterns and instead really focused on his world. Fast forward a few years and i nearly had an affair BC I was so lonely. Considered divorce BC it is such a deal breaker now that I understand. Am too flirtatious. Probably seem a bit desperate. Realized all of this recently and am trying to build a better and more stable life for our family. Luckily it is working but be very careful to not gloss over important differences.

[Anonymous]

Wow, I could have written this exact post! Been with my introvert DH 10 years now. Sometimes I wish he could be friendlier, but generally we have a great relationship. There was never much shyness between us, we clicked instantly. However, if I want to talk for hours I call up a girlfriend or sometimes I go out solo. He enjoys the quiet and I get friend time. Not for everyone, but works great for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I could have written this exact post! Been with my introvert DH 10 years now. Sometimes I wish he could be friendlier, but generally we have a great relationship. There was never much shyness between us, we clicked instantly. However, if I want to talk for hours I call up a girlfriend or sometimes I go out solo. He enjoys the quiet and I get friend time. Not for everyone, but works great for us.

PP here. I meant friendler when we are put at parties, he is great one on one with people he knows. Didnt want to imply he's not nice! Just reserved.

[Anonymous]

you are in for a challenge the rest of your life. I am the way ou describe yourself. When we go out, I feel like I spend more time worrying about him, how awkward he comes across and how little he talks. I know folks who don't know hm well thinks he is either rude or is on the spectrum somewhere. Its definitely limited out ability to make couple friends or other friends with kids. Sometimes I really resent it. I get frustrated that he doesn't know how to join into a converstaion easily or that I have to "babysit" him. Now that we have a kid though, I leave him at home with kid and use that as th excuse to go out and not deal with this. DH is a loving and attentive father and husband so not going to derail our life over this but think long and hard OP of what this means in the long run.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:you are in for a challenge the rest of your life. I am the way ou describe yourself. When we go out, I feel like I spend more time worrying about him, how awkward he comes across and how little he talks. I know folks who don't know hm well thinks he is either rude or is on the spectrum somewhere. Its definitely limited out ability to make couple friends or other friends with kids. Sometimes I really resent it. I get frustrated that he doesn't know how to join into a converstaion easily or that I have to "babysit" him. Now that we have a kid though, I leave him at home with kid and use that as th excuse to go out and not deal with this. DH is a loving and attentive father and husband so not going to derail our life over this but think long and hard OP of what this means in the long run.

+1 I could have written this post. It can be tough. I sound like you OP, I can be very sociable but need me time too. DH would happily watch tv at home every night. I hate how it has affected our ability to make friends.

[Anonymous]

My brother is an introvert and his wife is a social butterfly of an extrovert. He was a little socially awkward. Not a lot, just a little.

The key is, he wanted to be more outgoing, and less socially awkward. I think he copied the confidence his wife has to a certain degree.

OP, can you talk to your boyfriend about his goals for himself regarding his personality? If he's happy with himself, his friends, etc. then you need to decide if this is something you can live with forever.

[Anonymous]

He is who he is; you won't change him and you shouldn't try.
Let him find someone who is unfazed by his introversion.

[Anonymous]

My DH has grown very much in the last few years. However it is exhausting for me. I bring ALL the entertainment and social engagements into our lives. He would not have a single friend if it were not for me. We have 4 families we regularly hang out with and I have to do all the work. It's tiring. Luckily he's not so.awkward that people don't want to hang out with us. Though it is sad to realize that that really just want to hang out with me. We are opposites. I'm very outgoing and can make an entire room laugh. He cannot deliver a story to.save his life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:you are in for a challenge the rest of your life. I am the way ou describe yourself. When we go out, I feel like I spend more time worrying about him, how awkward he comes across and how little he talks. I know folks who don't know hm well thinks he is either rude or is on the spectrum somewhere. Its definitely limited out ability to make couple friends or other friends with kids. Sometimes I really resent it. I get frustrated that he doesn't know how to join into a converstaion easily or that I have to "babysit" him. Now that we have a kid though, I leave him at home with kid and use that as th excuse to go out and not deal with this. DH is a loving and attentive father and husband so not going to derail our life over this but think long and hard OP of what this means in the long run.

+1 I could have written this post. It can be tough. I sound like you OP, I can be very sociable but need me time too. DH would happily watch tv at home every night. I hate how it has affected our ability to make friends.

+2. I almost married a guy who was shy and awkward. Thankfully it didn't work out and I ended up married to a very sociable guy who keeps friendships from 20+ years back. And his friends are very interesting folks as well.

Just think about your bf getting older and even more tired, cranky, unsociable... you have to do all the legwork to maintain the social part of your AND his life. Imagine being stuck in a new city, if you ever relocated together, and he never made friends there. Marriage is boring enough, don't get stuck with a guy who is a bore!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any women here with quiet, homebody DHs? I am dating a very nice who fits the majority of my "husband" requirements (he's considerate, caring, very smart and educated, same family values, blah blah blah) and I am incredibly fond of him and am starting to fall for him.

However social life is where we struggle a little bit. I'm definitely an introvert, but I'm a sociable, outgoing introvert. I can talk for hours on end - i just need two days of quiet at home to peacefully recuperate haha. But the point is I do enjoy catching up with my friends, I like going to networking events in my industry, I like making connections and meeting people. I need down time at home afterwards, of course, and my natural state is lying in bed with a book (suits my introverted nature) but I can't be at home all the time.

My boyfriend doesn't really open up to people fast. He's very reserved, though friendly, and sometimes I think he gives people the impression that he isn't very interested in them. I know this is shyness, and I don't like the idea that I'm possibly more confident around people than he is.

Any women who brought their DHs out of their shells? And how much of a turn-off is it for you?

NO such thing. You're a full on extrovert and your boyfriend is an introvert. You can't change his personality but opposites do attract. My current bf is an extrovert who has a lot of friends and I'm an introvert with few to no friends. I'm attracted to him being outgoing and he's attracted to how much I value a nice home and family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any women here with quiet, homebody DHs? I am dating a very nice who fits the majority of my "husband" requirements (he's considerate, caring, very smart and educated, same family values, blah blah blah) and I am incredibly fond of him and am starting to fall for him.

However social life is where we struggle a little bit. I'm definitely an introvert, but I'm a sociable, outgoing introvert. I can talk for hours on end - i just need two days of quiet at home to peacefully recuperate haha. But the point is I do enjoy catching up with my friends, I like going to networking events in my industry, I like making connections and meeting people. I need down time at home afterwards, of course, and my natural state is lying in bed with a book (suits my introverted nature) but I can't be at home all the time.

My boyfriend doesn't really open up to people fast. He's very reserved, though friendly, and sometimes I think he gives people the impression that he isn't very interested in them. I know this is shyness, and I don't like the idea that I'm possibly more confident around people than he is.

Any women who brought their DHs out of their shells? And how much of a turn-off is it for you?

NO such thing. You're a full on extrovert and your boyfriend is an introvert. You can't change his personality but opposites do attract. My current bf is an extrovert who has a lot of friends and I'm an introvert with few to no friends. I'm attracted to him being outgoing and he's attracted to how much I value a nice home and family.

You don't actually understand what introvert and extrovert means do you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any women here with quiet, homebody DHs? I am dating a very nice who fits the majority of my "husband" requirements (he's considerate, caring, very smart and educated, same family values, blah blah blah) and I am incredibly fond of him and am starting to fall for him.

However social life is where we struggle a little bit. I'm definitely an introvert, but I'm a sociable, outgoing introvert. I can talk for hours on end - i just need two days of quiet at home to peacefully recuperate haha. But the point is I do enjoy catching up with my friends, I like going to networking events in my industry, I like making connections and meeting people. I need down time at home afterwards, of course, and my natural state is lying in bed with a book (suits my introverted nature) but I can't be at home all the time.

My boyfriend doesn't really open up to people fast. He's very reserved, though friendly, and sometimes I think he gives people the impression that he isn't very interested in them. I know this is shyness, and I don't like the idea that I'm possibly more confident around people than he is.

Any women who brought their DHs out of their shells? And how much of a turn-off is it for you?

NO such thing. You're a full on extrovert and your boyfriend is an introvert. You can't change his personality but opposites do attract. My current bf is an extrovert who has a lot of friends and I'm an introvert with few to no friends. I'm attracted to him being outgoing and he's attracted to how much I value a nice home and family.

No, some introverts sometimes really enjoy being around people. I'm the pp directly above you and I consistently test as introverted on MBTI, but I also like hosting parties and being around other people and families. Just not too much That's why I married an extrovert-- he does the work and makes most of the social plans.

[Anonymous]

People will ignore you when you are out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any women here with quiet, homebody DHs? I am dating a very nice who fits the majority of my "husband" requirements (he's considerate, caring, very smart and educated, same family values, blah blah blah) and I am incredibly fond of him and am starting to fall for him.

However social life is where we struggle a little bit. I'm definitely an introvert, but I'm a sociable, outgoing introvert. I can talk for hours on end - i just need two days of quiet at home to peacefully recuperate haha. But the point is I do enjoy catching up with my friends, I like going to networking events in my industry, I like making connections and meeting people. I need down time at home afterwards, of course, and my natural state is lying in bed with a book (suits my introverted nature) but I can't be at home all the time.

My boyfriend doesn't really open up to people fast. He's very reserved, though friendly, and sometimes I think he gives people the impression that he isn't very interested in them. I know this is shyness, and I don't like the idea that I'm possibly more confident around people than he is.

Any women who brought their DHs out of their shells? And how much of a turn-off is it for you?

NO such thing. You're a full on extrovert and your boyfriend is an introvert. You can't change his personality but opposites do attract. My current bf is an extrovert who has a lot of friends and I'm an introvert with few to no friends. I'm attracted to him being outgoing and he's attracted to how much I value a nice home and family.

No, some introverts sometimes really enjoy being around people. I'm the pp directly above you and I consistently test as introverted on MBTI, but I also like hosting parties and being around other people and families. Just not too much That's why I married an extrovert-- he does the work and makes most of the social plans.

Nope. I'm not placing value on the MBTI simply because those tests change time and time again. From Dictionary online

An introvert generally prefers solitary activities to interacting with large groups of people.
Extrovert definition, an outgoing, gregarious person

Now an ambivert can be BOTH but then most people would say they are ambiverts!