Anyone else think Recess sucks?!

[Anonymous]

I am all for kids getting energy out and running around, but my DC in 1st grade comes home every day feeling hurt and lonely from kids being mean, cruel and cliquish on the playground. DC dreads recess every day and feels sad that no one wants to play, even though the kids play together nicely indoors. It makes me really sad. I think it is important to teach kids independence and resilience, but recess seems more like Lord of the Flies than anything else. UGH.

[Anonymous]

There is something serious going on here. I'd meet with teacher to see what s/he observes, and probably set up some therapy sessions with a child psychologist to talk about what's going on.

[Anonymous]

As PP mentioned, something is going on. Recess should be your DC's downtime. It should not be a source of stress. I am sorry to hear it is.

Talk to the teacher, talk to the counselor and get to the bottom of it.

BTW, how old is your child. I am picturing lower elementary.

[Anonymous]

Agree that this is not normal and that the school needs to give you more info. Recess should be properly supervised. I would talk to the teacher immediately. I'm really sorry your child is going through this.

[Anonymous]

What about seeing if you can volunteer at recess to see what is going on and help your DC navigate the scene?

[Anonymous]

There is something serious going on here. I'd meet with teacher to see what s/he observes, and probably set up some therapy sessions with a child psychologist to talk about what's going on.

Whoa! Start by talking with the teacher. Don't blame the other kids, but let the teacher know that DC is having problems. Teacher may have some ideas of what is going on. Or, may guide your child to a like minded classmate.

Meanwhile, here is a book that I found helpful: How to Teach your Child the Language of Social Success.

Does your child have friends outside of school? It could be that your child does not understand how to join groups--mine did not.

I had a DC like this. It's very tough.

Has this been going on since the beginning of the year? Is it a boy or a girl. There do seem to be different issues with this sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Hmm. Having vivid memories of my own recess, and my son's experiences of recess, I would first visit in person, discreetly, to see of there is any bullying going on. Then I would observe to see whether my child has the necessary social skills to navigate completely open situations like these.

You might also have a kid that needs to learn to ignore mean comments and casual cold shoulders, and be more resilient. You can't have structured play all the time, otherwise these situations would never come up, and children would never learn by them. Even good kids will occasionally say and do mean things and children have to experience them to be able to manage the emotions they create. As long as there is not consistent picking on one kid, it's good for them in the long run. I say this as the mother of a child who was bullied. I had to intervene once, but then it was fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hmm. Having vivid memories of my own recess, and my son's experiences of recess, I would first visit in person, discreetly, to see of there is any bullying going on. Then I would observe to see whether my child has the necessary social skills to navigate completely open situations like these.

You might also have a kid that needs to learn to ignore mean comments and casual cold shoulders, and be more resilient. You can't have structured play all the time, otherwise these situations would never come up, and children would never learn by them. Even good kids will occasionally say and do mean things and children have to experience them to be able to manage the emotions they create. As long as there is not consistent picking on one kid, it's good for them in the long run. I say this as the mother of a child who was bullied. I had to intervene once, but then it was fine.

How are you supposed to visit in person discreetly?

[Anonymous]

Talk to the teacher and see if their are any friendship social skills groups available with the school counselor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hmm. Having vivid memories of my own recess, and my son's experiences of recess, I would first visit in person, discreetly, to see of there is any bullying going on. Then I would observe to see whether my child has the necessary social skills to navigate completely open situations like these.

You might also have a kid that needs to learn to ignore mean comments and casual cold shoulders, and be more resilient. You can't have structured play all the time, otherwise these situations would never come up, and children would never learn by them. Even good kids will occasionally say and do mean things and children have to experience them to be able to manage the emotions they create. As long as there is not consistent picking on one kid, it's good for them in the long run. I say this as the mother of a child who was bullied. I had to intervene once, but then it was fine.

How are you supposed to visit in person discreetly?

You get out of work if you can. You sidle up to the fence and try to see what your kid is up to. I've done it, when I suspected DS was being bullied. Caught the bully in the act.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks everyone. I send an email to the teacher, and appreciate the book recommendation. DC (a boy) has friends outside of school, and in school -- but the friendships in the classroom seem not to apply to playground time.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks everyone. I send an email to the teacher, and appreciate the book recommendation. DC (a boy) has friends outside of school, and in school -- but the friendships in the classroom seem not to apply to playground time.

Good OP. Sometimes, the problem is just that one kid wants to do one thing and the others something else. I taught first. Sometimes a child would come up and say, "Johnny won't play ball with me" or something like that. The problem was that Johnny just really would rather swing or climb. That's a simplistic answer--but sort of describes the situation.

If there are other classes on the playground at the same time, it may be that kids from another class are the problem.

[Anonymous]

ps. teacher here--I really do not agree with the standing at the fence and watching advice. Not unless the teacher knows. Kind of reeks of stalking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:ps. teacher here--I really do not agree with the standing at the fence and watching advice. Not unless the teacher knows. Kind of reeks of stalking.

Yes, that's creepy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:ps. teacher here--I really do not agree with the standing at the fence and watching advice. Not unless the teacher knows. Kind of reeks of stalking.

I'm the PP who did that. I live across the street and volunteer at school (plus I'm on the PTA Board). But even if they don't know you from Adam, you bet your bottom dollar I would encourage a parent to do this if their child reports being bullied on the playground - as a parent, sometimes you just have to do what you've got to do, for the sake of your child. Who cares if it looks weird? There is nothing wrong with it - you're not taking photos or touching anyone. Recess volunteers can't be everywhere at once, and my child did not want to report anything to them. I was the only adult witness that day of what a group of boys did to my child.

Stop being so ridiculous.