And this is why my mom and I are not close

[Anonymous]

Ladies, I really hope none of you ever say things about weight to your daughters (or sons). My entire family is obese. They simply do not eat well or exercise. I am the exception, only having gone over 100lbs when pregnant (I'm under 5') topping out between 105 & 110. So here I am expecting my third, just out of the first trimester, and my mom says last night 'I hate to say this, but you're gaining quicker this time.' OMG. Seriously?! I couldn't even think of a reply. She also used to make comments about me gaining the freshman 15 in college. Grrrrr! Why would you say that to your child? Especially when you have zero room to say anything. Just needed to vent.

[Anonymous]

I think you're being over sensitive. She didn't tell you that you're fat. She told you that you're gaining weight faster this time than in past times.

Did it ever occur to you when she made the freshman 15 comments that she was so happy to have one child who was in proportion that she was terrified you'd wind up like her physically, and that's just how her feelings came through her words?

Take a step back and calm down.

[Anonymous]

I agree that people shouldn't make comments to you about your weight and how quickly or slowly you are gaining weight during your pregnancy.

I do, however, find it bothersome that you commented that your mother has "zero room to say anything" because she is obese. Maybe you just got lucky and inherited some recessive tendencies to have a faster metabolism and be thinner than your family members. I can't stand it when thin people blame obese people for their size. There is a lot of new information coming out indicating that it's not all "their fault" because they "do not eat well or exercise."

[Anonymous]

I'd be really pissed if my mom said that too, OP.

My mom has some weird food issues and projected stuff onto me as a child. I think she was wrong to not filter herself better, it had lasting effects, and I really force myself to not talk about weight at all around my children. We talk about how food is fuel for our bodies, certain foods are "good for the body," and that she's growing and has special needs because of that, but there's no mention of weight, not hers & not mine. I'm currently on a diet to loose the remaining pregnancy weight that's just not coming off on its own, and I bite my tongue every time I'm inclined to talk about it with my husband when the kids are within earshot. I'm really doing my best not to make weight an issue in our household. Eating good foods, treating our bodies well, getting exercise - that's what we talk about.

[Anonymous]

I'd roll my eyes and move on.

[Anonymous]

Coming from a borderline anorexic family who always said I was fat (I'm currently 110lbs for 5'4", my heaviest ever apart from pregnancies), those remarks don't seem too blunt. My mother comments on my stomach, my behind, accuses me of overfeeding my children (DS used to be underweight and both he and I have worked hard to bring his weight up), etc, etc... it never stops. It's a given that when she sees younger DD this summer my mother will say that she's obese (normal weight). Her mind is warped, and I can't change it, so I do my best to ignore it and limit contact. The kids already know to take whatever she says with a grain of salt.

[Anonymous]

People who make comments about another's appearance are insecure. Plus it is super tacky.

Just nod and leave the room. Or better yet tell her comments about your appearance are OFF LIMITS.

[Anonymous]

OP here. It's just the condescending way she said things. It's not a helpful or sympathetic tone. She also remarked about my weight 2 MONTHS after my last birth when I asked her to help zip a dress. Got all the way to the bra line and stopped - not because of anything other than big nursing boobs. Yet, she had to say something about not being able to ever wear that dress again. And yes, I take those things too personally. But, I think as parents we should build up our kids, not tear them down. I remember hearing advice once to the effect of needing to say 5 positive things to a child (or anyone, really) for every one negative thing you say, because it's the negative they will remember.

Oh, and as far as my family and weight goes. They never have any fresh/raw fruits or vegetables. Ever. And have dessert after every.single.meal. My mom's idea of giving me fruit was buying strawberries once a year or so, dousing them in sugar, and letting me eat the whole container in front of the tv. Throughout my life, whenever I don't finish a meal with her family, there are comments about me 'watching my figure' or calling me 'skinny minny.' Yeah. Good memories.

[Anonymous]

You sound as disordered as the rest of the family. Every one of you has a weight problem.

[Anonymous]

It would bug me too. OP. I get how weight can become a huge issue within a family. Been there, done that.

I told my mom to shut up about my weight. She doesn't care about my health, only my looks. She's embarrassed to have an overweight daughter. And the food issues are everywhere, among the thin and the overweight both. My thin brother is transferring his food issues onto his son. In some families,it's just a toxic dynamic.

[Anonymous]

I feel for you OP. It is so sad when moms are judgemental of their daughters' appearances at such a time, rather than being encouraging and celebrating a new life.
Of course, it may be right to intervene if there is a serious health concern, either for the daughter or the unborn baby - as in "Do you think your unborn baby enjoyed that cigarette?" or "Maybe three Mojitos before dinner is pushing it". But if it is just for appearance, then they should back off.

A couple of weeks after my DS was born my mom wanted to take the whole family, including her first grandchild, out for a smart Sunday brunch. I remember getting ready that morning, putting on make-up and taking care over my hair and generally feeling groomed and human for the first time since my DS was born. I even managed to squeeze into a pre-pregnancy outfit, and I must have been glowing when my DH told me I looked beautiful. Then mom comes out with "Are you going to wear a jacket over that?" "No" I said. "It's not cold." She replied "It's just that your buttons are straining a bit." I was devastated and all the good feelings I had built up for the event just crashed to the ground. Maybe I was being oversensitive (hormones!) and, sure, everything about my body was a bit bigger than before but I had looked in the mirror and had been pretty pleased at what I saw. Maybe she felt entitled to come out with that, as she was paying for brunch, but was that comment really necessary? I'll never know, because I didn't ask her and spent the day feeling completely deflated.

[Anonymous]

Hey OP, it is your choice in how her comment affects you. It is also your choice on whether you let such a minor comment, and others like it, distance you from her.

If on balance she has been a good mother let go of the small things.

Also, based on your comments it appears you a low opinion of overweight people. That is a shame.

BTW...as a disclaimer...I was once very overweight, lost a lot and have maintained most of my weight loss over a long period of time. While I have always had a tad bit of envy for those who never have to do much to maintain an average weight I have always seen that as one of their blessings and while it isn't mine I have been blessed with many positive things I am thankful for.

[Anonymous]

You're taking it too seriously. It was a bit insensitive, but not a major insult. Just move on and forget about it. Not worth getting worked up over.

[Anonymous]

I would be upset too, OP. It seems clear to me that your mom has made comments about your weight for a long time. My mom was the same way although not quite as a bad as yours and she is definitely not obese (used to be too extreme in the other direction). While she has gotten better about it over time, sometimes the things she says to me or my sister about weight can still sting. I try to ignore them now since I can't change her. Big hugs!

[Anonymous]

OP, I would be livid. And you are right, if someone is overweight, they have no right to comment. It sounds like she is jealous of you. I could lose about 10lbs, and am almost 50. I have a friend who has gained so much weight, and she seems to take glee when she can find a roll on me. Your mom sounds the same way.