Funeral home service - how does that work?
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
Iam not from this country and have no idea of what a home service entails. Truth to be told, I have no idea how any kind of funeral services works here because I have never been to one here.
Would I be expected to "host" and serve food/drinks? How long does it last? Do you just put the body in a coffin in the living room for people to view/pray? |
Anonymous
| Don't be silly. Call one up, they will help you. |
Anonymous
OP here. I think you misunderstood me. It is my fault and I should have used "funeral home" - what I meant is the my husband would like to have a home service for his mother here in the house. That is what he mentioned today (start thinking about this per hospice suggestions as we most likely will have to make a decision within a few days, maybe a week at the most). Anyway, before I agree to a home service in our house, I would like to get an idea of what that entails in this country. If anyone have BTDT or at least gone to one like this. |
Anonymous
|
Services can vary, based on religion, region, and ethnic backgrounds of the deceased and their family. Typically the funeral home handles all the arrangements with the family. It's common to have a "wake" or visiting hours for one or two days, at set times, where the body is in the room at the funeral home. The casket may be open or closed. Food is not served at this time. My family is catholic, so we have the wake for a day or two, and then the next day a funeral mass and burial. Typically we do a luncheon after the burial for family and friends. At this point, some people might do food at home.
This is how we do it, but like I said, traditions do vary greatly around the country. |
Anonymous
Hopefully someone here will have experience for you, but I'll just say that viewings at home are not common (I've never even heard of one happening, and I'm Irish - we love funerals!). There are likely some state laws that come into play for this as well. Also want to add I'm sorry your family is facing this. |
Anonymous
|
Dear OP,
I am sorry for your loss, and I am sorry I don't have a suggestion although I think the funeral home may be able to talk with you about options. My grandfather was 'laid out' at home (old fashioned term but this was very typical 50 years ago) and I know of at least two people who have requested to have their bodies and their viewing in specific places (not funeral homes or churches but places dear to them) so I know it can be done. I would also like to say, to the second poster who said "Don't be silly," that I find his/her insensitivity appalling. The OP is trying to plan a funeral service; nothing, nothing, nothing for a person in such a situation calls for you to say "don't be silly." Good luck, OP, and peace to your family. |
Anonymous
|
A couple of points.
While many people receive guests in their home for food and drink after the funeral, it is extremely uncommon in this country to have the body at the home. And it would not be possible or legal for you to arrange the body in the coffin yourself. You need to call a funeral home and make arrangements for the body. It may be possible for the funeral home/mortician to display the coffin in your home for several hours depending on the size of your house. So, funeral first. Then receive guests at your home. You can have the funeral be private just for your family and then open your home for guests. Serve platters of food and drink. The term "funeral home" refers to a facility, not your home. |
Anonymous
| Well, said, PP. |
Anonymous
Not true, actually. 42 states have no laws about this. Believe it or not, you can take on the entire process yourself. http://www.homefuneralalliance.org/quicklinks http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/01/25/home-funerals-death-mortician_n_2534934.html |
Anonymous
Why are people acting like OP is stupid? Her husband wants the viewing AT HOME. That doesn't mean OP doesn't know what a funeral home is. |
Anonymous
|
OP, I'm so sorry.
Could you contact a relative of your husband who is "further out" in the family from your husband's mother -- maybe a cousin of your husband -- someone who is familiar with the family customs but not as close to the grief as e.g. your husband or his siblings? |
Anonymous
I don't think that is anyone's intent. If OP knew that Americans would read "funeral home" as a phrase, probably she would have titled the thread differently. PP is pointing out that "funeral home" has a specific meaning. It's good info for OP since presumably she will have to have funeral related conversations frequently over the next few weeks. |
Anonymous
|
Op here,
Thanks everyone. I checked those links and I don't think a service at home will be the best approach. My husband has decided on cremation so there won't be any embalming. And frankly, I don't want to have to prepare the body for viewing and have it at my home after all we are going through now. We don't have other family members (only child on both sides) and my MIL's friends live in another city. I don't think they would come because they are all very old as well. In my country of origin she would be buried within 24hrs (maybe 36 at the most) without religious service, with a mass in her name seven days after her death (she is catholic). |
Anonymous
|
Hi OP,
I'm sorry for what you are going through. I agree the service at home would be a highly unusual option. Who is typically in charge of funeral arrangements in your country? Here as many people have already said, the funeral home typically provides all of those services and many burials here also happen within a few days of death unless there are extenuating circumstances (cause of death, family travel considerations, availability of church, etc). I don't know if you've ever been in a funeral home, but a lot of them have interiors that are similar to living rooms so families can gather to mourn their loved ones together. Even if you do a cremation, you could still do a service of remembrance in your home as your husband had originally wanted. Good luck to you, OP. May you find peace and comfort in whatever decisions you make during this difficult time. |
Anonymous
| I'm sorry for your loss, OP, but Catholics don't do cremation usually. Are you and your husband clear on her wishes? |