Why are the ones I want never interested?

[Anonymous]

my situation is not unique but the man i currently want isn't interested yet I have two men contacting me constantly tyring to have a relationship. WHY IS IT ALWAYS LIKE THIS? i am beyond frustrated... i want to get married!!

[Anonymous]

Why not give the men who are contacting and interested in you a chance? Maybe you just think you want the one who doesn't want you.

[Anonymous]

Through therapy, i realized that the reason I was into guys who weren't into me was 1) I had an emotionally distant father and being with guys like him was familiar and 2) I was unconsciously ambivalent about being in a truly emotionally intimate relationship. Until I dealt with that, I was alway attracting the wrong men.

[Anonymous]

i'm trying but i am just not at all excited.

[Anonymous]

my father was an awesome husband to my mom and i crave an emotionally intimate relationship (have had them in my past)... but lately the men just aren't what i think i want.

one in particular is respectful, considerate, kind,helpful, secure job...but he's not too attractive, kind of 'corny', dont have a similar sense of humor, etc. it's just not "easy" like it is with the one i want or men i have dated (who are gone..)

what gives?!

[Anonymous]

Most people play over their head. They want more than they are qualified for. As a result, there is an on-going fascination with people who would frankly choose someone else if they had the option. It takes time to recognize your relative merit and date someone who's ambition includes you. I find it fascinating that people will convince themselves that their own merit is far in excess of what other people might say.
Not being a rock star, I don't rate 25 year old hard bodies. I have have learned to love the people who love me and I am much happier for it.

[Anonymous]

When I was much younger, I was always interested in very attractive to beautiful women, usually a bit older (30s in my teens and 20s), accomplished, etc.

My elder brother once told me he had had more women in a good weekend than I had in my life (I was in my early 30s).

He was probably right -- but I found that when the interest was mutual, an affectionate sexual friendship would result and the friendship portion would generally continue.

So, it's probably always a bit of a risk to pursue relationships, you never know when you'll find someone who is interested in you as you are with them.

But if you don't continue to seek, you'll never find.

Just my 2 pfennigs.

W

[Anonymous]

Do you think that certain guys may feel a bit scared that you are already thinking of marriage when all they want is to get to know you and date for awhile.

Perhaps you come off as too needy or clingy.

I say do not make yourself too available for men. Have other interests in your life besides dating.

And do not tell a man everything about yourself. Maintain some mystery too.

Men want what they cannot have. They love the chase.

So let them chase you.

GL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:my situation is not unique but the man i currently want isn't interested yet I have two men contacting me constantly tyring to have a relationship. WHY IS IT ALWAYS LIKE THIS? i am beyond frustrated... i want to get married!!

My first thought? You don't want a commitment even though you state you want to get married. Fear? Very likely there is something that exceeds your desire for marriage. So, as long as you have some obstacle present you will continue to go after the safe guy who isn't marriage minded and ignore the men who are.

If you want to move forward then stop everything and do what is needed to figure this out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:my situation is not unique but the man i currently want isn't interested yet I have two men contacting me constantly tyring to have a relationship. WHY IS IT ALWAYS LIKE THIS? i am beyond frustrated... i want to get married!!

My first thought? You don't want a commitment even though you state you want to get married. Fear? Very likely there is something that exceeds your desire for marriage. So, as long as you have some obstacle present you will continue to go after the safe guy who isn't marriage minded and ignore the men who are.

If you want to move forward then stop everything and do what is needed to figure this out.

+1
Agree completely.

[Anonymous]

I choose one of the guys that was interested in me and somewhat below my standards he ended up dumping me. Dating sucks!!!

[Anonymous]

Maybe you are trying to date out of your league.

[Anonymous]

Maybe it's because you're employing typical female strategy – having sex with the two you don't like while making the one you do like buy you dinner and jump through hoops.

[Anonymous]

Do you want to GET married? Or BE married? Two entirely different things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most people play over their head. They want more than they are qualified for. As a result, there is an on-going fascination with people who would frankly choose someone else if they had the option. It takes time to recognize your relative merit and date someone who's ambition includes you. I find it fascinating that people will convince themselves that their own merit is far in excess of what other people might say.
Not being a rock star, I don't rate 25 year old hard bodies. I have have learned to love the people who love me and I am much happier for it.

When you're married, you can have the best of both worlds. My husband and I are a good match in terms of intelligence, career, looks, background, etc. He's not very affectionate and has a low sex drive, so I found a boyfriend who is not as conventionally good looking and is blue collar, but is much more affectionate and sexual. I wouldn't marry him but he's great for a side relationship.