lawyer or mediation?

[Anonymous]

my hopefully soon-to-be ex wants us to use a mediator and forgo lawyers. what do you all think???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:my hopefully soon-to-be ex wants us to use a mediator and forgo lawyers. what do you all think???

FYI: I am leery about this

[Anonymous]

I might say ok but consult a lawyer anyway without him knowing and pay them to review everything and counsel you throughout the process.

[Anonymous]

Mediator is great if you guys agree on what you want to do. Sit down and discuss the following:
Custody
Visitation
Holidays
Child Support
Who gets what physical assets
How you divide financial assets
Who pays who alimony, if either

Write down everything. Collect all your statements and figure out exactly how much there is to divide and how much is in separate retirement accounts.

If you can agree on most stuff, you can probably get a mediator. If not, then you have all the docs ready to hand off to lawyers and you'll at least save a few hundred in calls and emails saying "I need this doc."

[Anonymous]

As long as you can both be reasonable, sure why not. I used one. We agreed on division of assets. Saved a lot of money.

[Anonymous]

Try the mediation if you think that you can both be civil. DO NOT AGREE to binding mediation (where you have to accept the final decision of the mediator). Let your DH know that after you work on the mediation, you will be running the final outcome by a lawyer BEFORE signing anything.

Then, keep in mind that most lawyers will want to earn more money, so they will tell you that if you go to court that you might get a better settlement. Take that with a grain of salt and think about all the money and heartache that a long drawn out divorce would take. If you feel happy with the settlement and the child support and alimony seem fine and within the approved guidelines, you would probably waste your time going to court.

Mediation can be a complete waste of time or a really great experience. It all depends on whether you and your ex can be civil and work together to find a solution. It may be the case that the mediation could resolve visitation and custody and/or a split of all the marital property, but that you'd still need the lawyers to help work out the support payments. Even if you don't resolve everything, you will have a head start when it comes to getting it all done.

[Anonymous]

Thank you thank you thank you for this advice!

[Anonymous]

Think about how you'd feel if a mediator missed an important legal issue and it ended up costing you a lot in some way. Just because you have a lawyer doesn't mean it has to be contentious.

[Anonymous]

In DC you need to be have a lawyer. The mediator knows who they are. It still saves money.

[Anonymous]

Our mediator was a lawyer. She was with Bean Kinney Korman.

[Anonymous]

You know your ex better than anyone. And this is probably no surprise, but going through the divorce process does not bring out anyone's good side, and can really bring out a side of someone you haven't seen before.

We did mediation but also had lawyers who reviewed everything and advised us throughout the process. It's definitely more expensive and more cumbersome when lawyers are involved, but I think it's important ton have someone looking out for your interests and making sure nothing gets missed.