How do I ask my dad to go home?

[Anonymous]

My father came up to see the cherry blossoms, he said it would be for 4-5 days. Problem is he came up on Friday despite us telling him that the blossoms would not be here yet until this weekend. He claimed coming up later was bad for him. Now he is threatening to stay until they come! My DH is pissed, and frankly the visit is too long.

Some additional background. My dad through his own poor choices is pretty badly off financially and was also sort of a shit father. He has to move early May and has no idea yet where he is going to live! I don't want him with us period. He is still working, but I know he wants to quit. I'm sure he's thinking the $1,000 a month social he gets would be fine if he lived in our house. But again, no way. We did buy a big house and have the room we just don't want to live like that. Plus I have a toddler and we are doing lots of renovations.

Please help. And again try and understand he was really mean to me when I was growing up.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, Dad. It's time for you to head home. While it has been great seeing you, I look forward to seeing you at XXXXX holiday. DH will help you with your bags. Hug.

[Anonymous]

How can he stay longer if it was originally not good gor him to come then? How does he explain the change?

Are you afraid he's trying to extend his visit to just stay permanently? Or do you think he's trying out the idea for himself of living with you? If he doesn't know where he's going to live, that's his problem. He has to stay in the town where he currently works, right? So that's not near you. I agree with PP: "Dad, it's been great, but this weekend we have a lot going on, so we'll say bye for now and see you in [whatever month]."

Did you post a little while back about this? There was a thread about a crappy dad who was hinting around at moving in and mooching off his daughter. The general advice was to stand firm and not let him take advantage.

[Anonymous]

7:44 has it down.

No one can take advantage of you without your consent, OP. Just politely ask him to leave, and set firmer boundaries next time (if there is a next time).

[Anonymous]

He's hiding from all the big decisions facing him back home, but staying with you isn't solving any of them.

Have a conversation with him about his plan for job, living arrangements, etc. Eliminate any ideas he may be toying with about moving in.

[Anonymous]

Tell him politely he needs to leave by 8am (or whatever time you or DH leave in the AM) tomorrow. If he has a key, change the locks (if he's not trustworthy).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, Dad. It's time for you to head home. While it has been great seeing you, I look forward to seeing you at XXXXX holiday. DH will help you with your bags. Hug.

+1 I would even leave out the third sentence. He knows he's imposing on you and doesn't care. I wouldn't host him again.

[Anonymous]

I'm sure he can find a small affordable studio apartment. It sounds like he needs to downsize. He can get a small, affordable apartment and part time job after retirement. No sense in living in a big house if thats where he's currently living.

[Anonymous]

Help him get into affordable housing/some type of subsidized senior program.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How can he stay longer if it was originally not good gor him to come then? How does he explain the change?

Are you afraid he's trying to extend his visit to just stay permanently? Or do you think he's trying out the idea for himself of living with you? If he doesn't know where he's going to live, that's his problem. He has to stay in the town where he currently works, right? So that's not near you. I agree with PP: "Dad, it's been great, but this weekend we have a lot going on, so we'll say bye for now and see you in [whatever month]."

Did you post a little while back about this? There was a thread about a crappy dad who was hinting around at moving in and mooching off his daughter. The general advice was to stand firm and not let him take advantage.

+1

[Anonymous]

Think about you will feel one day when your toddler treats you the way you are treating your father.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Think about you will feel one day when your toddler treats you the way you are treating your father.

Shaddup.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Think about you will feel one day when your toddler treats you the way you are treating your father.

She said her father has a long history of being a bad father. You can't crap all over people and then expect them to be there for you years later. Relationships need positive, healthy nurturing. And he's continuing to be crappy by trying to dump his financial problems on her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Think about you will feel one day when your toddler treats you the way you are treating your father.

surprising as this sounds, some people really do have lousy parents who reap what they sow in old age. Just because they birthed you, doesn't mean they get to treat you badly as a child then expect you to help them out when they're old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Think about you will feel one day when your toddler treats you the way you are treating your father.

She said her father has a long history of being a bad father. You can't crap all over people and then expect them to be there for you years later. Relationships need positive, healthy nurturing. And he's continuing to be crappy by trying to dump his financial problems on her.

OP here, this. Thanks.