HFA kids and friends with HFA

[Anonymous]

DS, 7, is on the spectrum and mainstreamed with one other child with HFA. DS is friendly with almost every boy in the class except for the other boy with HFA. DS doesn't know the other boy has HFA and doesn't dislike the other boy but doesn't really like him either and I thought it was just due to the fact that they have really different interests.

Well DS recently joined a sports team and coincidentally there are two other kids with HFA. He can't stand them, they can't stand eachother and the feeling seems mutual all around. One will speak too loudly and another will freak out. One will hit the ball too hard and hit someone and another will freak out. The list goes on and on.

I'm writing about this because I was kind of surprised. I had been kind of happy to find other mainstreamed kids with HFA and hoped DS would make some friends with similar challenges. If your child has HFA does he/she have friends with HFA? Or do the social challenges that come with HFA generally prevent them from being friends with eachother? Is it possible that DS is just too young and that he will want to make friends with similar issues when he gets older?

Please don't flame because this should be obvious. I'm new to all this.

[Anonymous]

OP, it's totally normal for all people. Just because someone is from the same background as me, doesn't mean he's my bFF. Same here.

[Anonymous]

Because kids on the autism spectrum can be cognitively rigid, often they are relying on the other party in a friendship to be the flexible one. So it doesn't always work out between two ASD kids as well as it does with other kids, because they aren't getting the kind of accommodation that they might get from someone more flexible.

On the other hand, sometimes it does work out, particularly if they share interests.

[Anonymous]

My DS, 7, is on the spectrum and so is his BFF. They love each other and have sworn to be BFFs for life. They are both in second grade, were born a week apart, and have the same interests.

They did not become BFFs until 1st grade even though they were in the same class in K. This year they are in different classrooms bc they get into too much mischief when together.

DS despite his quirks is quite popular as is his friend. I wish the two of them would include some of the other kids into their group and DS would accept other play date offers but no luck so far. They are fully mainstreamed.

[Anonymous]

My child with HFA seems to either become BFFs with other kids on the spectrum or he complains about them incessantly. Otherwise he tends to be mellow about the NT kids in his classes. Maybe sometimes we hate qualities in others that we don't like in ourselves. Perhaps the kids on the spectrum he likes shares the qualities he likes in himself?