How much do you think kids should know about parents' finances (if anything)?

[Anonymous]

Specifically as they approach retirement?

I'm just curious because we never really talked about money as much as we should have when I was a kid. I know its because my parents were young and didn't have much and they felt like they should shield us from from some of that because they just felt like that was the "right" thing to do in their naivity. I don't blame them, they did what they thought was right at the time and were really good parents in many ways.

They divorced when I was 17. Dad is on marriage 3 (this one for about 8 years), mom remarried when I was 29. I'm mid 30s. I have one younger sister (early 30s) and they have no other kids.

Both are starting to think about retirement as they approach 60 and I was just wondering, what, if anything do you think is ideal for kids to know about their parent's financial health/ situation?

Its not really for a 'reason'- there's not going to be anything substantial to inherit or anything like that (although my mom is a good saver, she will need most of that for retirement since she didn't have the option of retirement saving until much later than most, dad is on pension thankfully because I know he's a spender).

But I wonder if being so in the dark is something that could be "bad" in anyway? Or if its more normal than I think.

Opinions?

[Anonymous]

It depends.

Are they going to expect you to help them out financially or take care of them? Even if they don't expect it, do you think they will likely need it and that you will feel as if you have to help if they are going without? If so, you should ask questions now for your own sake, because needy relatives can cause major problems in your marriage and mess up the standard of living you have achieved for yourself.

If they have themselves covered or if there is not a chance that you will ever help them out, then their retirement should be their business.

[Anonymous]

It depends on what your responsibilities are, what your parents are expecting you to do.

My dad owns a small construction business and has a lot of health issues, and I eventually sat him down and told him that if he was expecting me to manage the business in an emergency, he needed to give me power of attorney, various contact info, and a card on the business account. Because otherwise his employees don't get paid. He agreed that was the right thing to do. I don't know much about his financial health other than that I trust and believe it is good. But I twisted his arm on the business stuff and I think I was right to do so.

I think if you're going to put responsibility on a child to care for parents in any way, then you have to provide the information that allows the child to plan appropriately.

[Anonymous]

Agree with 10:55. I think there are a few things you need to know -
1. Do they each believe they have sufficient retirement funds to be self-supporting, including anything like long-term care insurance. If not, what are their plans, especially if those plans include expecting help from you or your siblings.

2. Do they have a will, and if so, where are copies of their will and any other relevant paperwork such as life insurance policies, bank accounts, etc..

3. Have they named an executor for their estate, and someone with medical power of attorney?

4. Have they stated, preferably somewhere in writing, their plans for end-of-life (DNR orders, e.g.) and funeral or burial plans (location of plot, desire to be buried or donated or cremated, organ donation status, pre-paid funeral if relevant)

Details of how much money and whether you can expect an inheritance aren't your business. Details that could fall on you either financially or in terms of time/logistics, do matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree with 10:55. I think there are a few things you need to know -
1. Do they each believe they have sufficient retirement funds to be self-supporting, including anything like long-term care insurance. If not, what are their plans, especially if those plans include expecting help from you or your siblings.

2. Do they have a will, and if so, where are copies of their will and any other relevant paperwork such as life insurance policies, bank accounts, etc..

3. Have they named an executor for their estate, and someone with medical power of attorney?

4. Have they stated, preferably somewhere in writing, their plans for end-of-life (DNR orders, e.g.) and funeral or burial plans (location of plot, desire to be buried or donated or cremated, organ donation status, pre-paid funeral if relevant)

Details of how much money and whether you can expect an inheritance aren't your business. Details that could fall on you either financially or in terms of time/logistics, do matter.

OP here- this is helpful as a framework to think about this. Like I said my parents are both approaching 60 (dad this year) and so hopefully all of this is a LONG way off being an imminent reality as far as needing care, etc.

I have no intention of trying to find out about "inheritance", like I said there really won't be anything substantial at all, my parents are fine and comfy but don't have all that much and live in a low COL town with minimal assets (and are happy and healthy which is all I care about!). I guess I am curious because if my parents were in a place of need I would not be able to live with myself without figuring out the way that I can help, my sister as well. We just also know that they would try to probably hide that need. Which I guess is a whole other issue.

But having an idea about how to pay for care, plans, etc. Is probably a good conversation to have down the road. Thankfully right now they are both full of energy, particularly my mom. My dad has mentioned that he had some debt (not how much or what though) that he wanted to pay down before retirement but that he might not if he retires in 2 years instead of 4 (he hates his job).

[Anonymous]

What are you going to do if you find out they don't have enough money? Will you be in a position to supplement?

Personally I would encourage them to work as long as they can -- especially your mother since you say she started late on saving.

I don't know much, my parents consider themselves responsible for themselves so I don't dig much. My father wouldn't answer the question anyway so there's not much point asking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are you going to do if you find out they don't have enough money? Will you be in a position to supplement?

Personally I would encourage them to work as long as they can -- especially your mother since you say she started late on saving.

I don't know much, my parents consider themselves responsible for themselves so I don't dig much. My father wouldn't answer the question anyway so there's not much point asking.

OP here. Yes, hopefully my sister and I will be in a position to supplement down the line if needed. We also come from maybe a slightly different place than many on this board where its not totally out of the question to have parents live with us if necessary (we are in different cities now but would like to end up in the same metro area in the next 5-10 years).

Having divorced parents in this respect is definitely hard, as they have spouses with kids who we also have to consider and they will not always live in our hometown (dad wants to move south, mom will be closer to us)- so many logistics that I can see being a nightmare down the line for visiting, etc!

I want to tread any conversation with love and care though- these are not elderly infirm people who I need to "take over" for, and I understand there is a pride issue at play a bit here possibly.

[Anonymous]

My father got cancer at 60 and died 6 months later. It was certainly unexpected and I didn't know anything about my parents financial situation. I got home a week before he died and had to have a lawyer and notary come to the house to give me power of attorney and write a will so that we could get things handled while I still had him here to ask basic questions. I now have power of attorney of my mother and receive copies of any financial information. I also talk to her financial advisor regularly. She is fortunately the thrifty one out of my parents so it should all work out fine, but she isn't tech savvy and won't look online to check in on accounts and bills. I keep an eye on it once a week or so just to be sure things are done. She isn't aware of how often I look, and I think it's important for her to feel like she is in control. At the same time, it is important that if something happens I have everything I need to take care of her situation.

[Anonymous]

I think it depends on how much you trust them. My parents have earned my trust by being financially responsible all their lives. When they say they have made appropriate plans, I believe them.

Being in the dark can be very bad if there is debt that you don't know about. Or if they are planning to live with you or be supported by you, and haven't told you of that expectation.

You could start the conversation by saying that you are making your own arrangements-- long-term care, medical power of attorney, etc., and ask them for advice in a general way. That may cause them to reveal some of what they have in mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My father got cancer at 60 and died 6 months later. It was certainly unexpected and I didn't know anything about my parents financial situation. I got home a week before he died and had to have a lawyer and notary come to the house to give me power of attorney and write a will so that we could get things handled while I still had him here to ask basic questions. I now have power of attorney of my mother and receive copies of any financial information. I also talk to her financial advisor regularly. She is fortunately the thrifty one out of my parents so it should all work out fine, but she isn't tech savvy and won't look online to check in on accounts and bills. I keep an eye on it once a week or so just to be sure things are done. She isn't aware of how often I look, and I think it's important for her to feel like she is in control. At the same time, it is important that if something happens I have everything I need to take care of her situation.

OP here- I'm sorry to hear about your father

Thanks to all who replied!

[Anonymous]

Good luck, OP. I definitely would not just assume things are ok, if I were you. Divorce makes all of this stuff so much harder, and I wonder what your step-parents' financial situations are. They can't both move in with the same child. It's more expensive to live separately in a nursing home than to share a space. There may be step-parents to consider and that can be good or bad but it's always more complicated-- my mom's boyfriend is a financial wreck and she's not able to afford what she otherwise could.

[Anonymous]

I wish my DH would ask my in-laws about/if they have long term care insurance which I kinda doubt they do. They're retiring soon and said they can stay in their house, etc. and will travel some, but I worry if one or both fall ill if we will have to foot the bill or have them move in with us. Both only children.

[Anonymous]

My in-laws are on top of the ball as far as retirement, but I know my parents are relying on my grandfather's estate for retirement... Ugh. My grandfather is a depression era child, so he saved a lot, didn't spend much when my mom was younger, etc. My dad came from a poor family and first child in his family to attend any type of college (he has his associate's degree). I think their lack of access to money growing up is a huge money they spend like they do now. They've dropped several grand on "little" hobbies over the past month (while they carry around $50k in cc debt).

They don't seem concerned about it of course...