We agreed to a 70/30 split for college
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Anonymous
| ExW and I have been divorced for years and always agreed to this particular split for college. (Me paying 70 and her paying 30) However, my DD is picking a college that I introduced her to, drove her to visit and really wanted her to attend and I am feeling like maybe I should just pay for it. ExW is responsible and will keep up her end of the deal but I think she was hoping DD would go to a state school that was cheaper to begin with and offered her some merit aid. ExW really proved me wrong when she accepted DD's decision graciously (I thought she might try and push a certain 2nd state option) and I am feeling guilty. I was thinking that instead of a certain percentage maybe ask her to pay a flat amount (that would be cheaper then the percentage)? However I realize whatever deal I cut now I should honor for our next two children as well. Anyone have any ideas? Should I just leave it be? |
Anonymous
| Is money not an issue with you? |
Anonymous
|
You both sound like reasonable co-parents. (What a refreshing change from what we usually hear about on DCUM.)
Why don't you talk to ExW. Something along the lines of... "I realize when we made the agreement about college expenses years ago, when we couldn't know exactly where kids were going and what the cost might be. Now that we have a child entering college and two more along the way, I want to make sure that your contribution to the college $$ doesn't leave you in a precarious position personally or with regards to helping pay for the other two children. Is it better to talk in terms of a set $$ contribution per child rather than a percentage? What are your thoughts?" I realize I don't know all the details of your relationship with ExW, but as you describe it above, it seems like there could be a way for you to have a respectful, non-offensive conversation about this. |
Anonymous
| OP here. I agree that we should have a person to person discussion. She isn't hard to talk to so Im not worried about it I just want to come up with a clear plan on what I will say. I am thinking of maybe having her pay up to X amount towards each childs education (lower then the 30 percentage for this child but maybe not with the next two)? |
Anonymous
| You sound very generous and reasonable and your kids are lucky to have you. I don't have experience from the parents perspective, but something similar happened in my family. My parents divorced when I was young and had agree to split college 50/50, but my father had much more money than my mother. When it was time for me to apply to colleges, my dad told my mom he would pay everything, I think she paid room and board. My sister ended up getting into an expensive private college and I know it was a huge relief to my mom to not have to foot half the bill. We knew our mom worked hard but didn't earn a ton, so we were (and are) incredibly grateful to our dad for stepping up when he was able instead of making our mom stick to the agreement. |
Anonymous
I would honestly just leave it as is, and perhaps when it comes to extras and peripherals, you cover those. However, if you know this school will be a hardship for her, discuss paying more than you agreed. And why do you need to do the same for the next kids? Just say you will revisit based on the schools they pick. |
Anonymous
| If you can easily afford to do it, I think it would be incredibly gracious of you to pay for it. |
Anonymous
|
What does 30% of the price difference amount to? Is it a $10k vs. $40k per year school difference? Or is it a $20k vs. $30k difference, in which case 30% of the difference is only a few thousand dollars and not such a huge deal.
Maybe you ask her to pay 30% of the state school price tag as agreed upon, and make up the difference if you're really worried it will be a hard ship. |
Anonymous
|
Would it be reasonable to agree that she pays 30% of instate tuition, or 30% of actual tuition, whichever is less?
Having said that, I'd probably be wary to say that this deal will hold true for any future kids. It takes away any incentive for her to encourage the kids to at least consider finances. So, I'd take it kid by kid. |
Anonymous
|
I think it should also take into account the earnings of your ex. If she has a good income then she should pay 30% of the tuition of the college your daughter has selected.
In any event, she should at least pay 30% of the tuition of an in state college. |
Anonymous
| Your kids are lucky to have you both - you sound so supportive of your kids! My parents had no agreement, so my dad (and scholarships and loans) footed the bill. Apparently my mom came out with "my college $$" a few years back, to my dismay... maybe I could have gone to a fancier school than local state school? Haha, semi-bitter, but laughing about it really (I turned out fine!). My mom made more than twice what my dad made and just bought me clothes and food once in a while. |
Anonymous
| Why don't you suggest that she pay 30% of what a state school would cost? |
Anonymous
| If it's comfortable for you, I think you should offer that she pay the equivalent of 30% at the state school. That way she still has some skin in the game (which may be something she honestly wants), but you don't have to feel that you are stressing her financially by pushing the higher priced school. |
Anonymous
OP here I am thinking this. Which is about 8k vs 14k. Neither of us are wealthy but we both have worked hard over the years at a professional capacity. She cares a lot for her aging parents which I also greatly appreciate as they were especially wonderful to me and us as a young couple/family many years ago. |
Anonymous
Yeah, okay, I'm tearing up here. It's like you two are both mature adults or something. Gold star for the day, OP. |