Question - Parents Who Smoke

[Anonymous]

My child has befriended some neighbor kids and really likes to play with them. I have met and spoken to the parents and to other neighbors whose children play with these kids. I feel comfortable that they are decent people and I don't worry about my child playing in their home.

With one exception. I noticed tonight when my child came home from playing there that he smelled like smoke. My child has terrible allergies and asthma and as nice as I think these people are, I'm not really comfortable with my child being in a house full of smoke. But I don't want to offend my neighbors either, who are perfectly fine and whose children play well with my child.

So what to do? I suppose I can suggest that they come play at my house, but that doesn't solve the issue of when my son goes knocking on their door instead of vice versa. I don't want to tell my son to insist that they have to play at our house, because that seems passive aggressive, but I don't want to confront them either. Is there some other way to address this?

[Anonymous]

Just tell your son not to go knocking on their door. Invite the kid to your house. It's not passive aggressive.

[Anonymous]

Well, did it trigger coughing or other reaction?

My child has asthma and allergies, and my parents smoke. When we see each other, they do not smoke in the house, and wash their hands when they come back from smoking outside. However, their clothes, hair and breath can still reek of smoke, which annoys me, but there's not much I can do about it. I recall they gargled when DS was a newborn, but don't bother doing it now.

Anyway. You can definitely invite the kids over to your house to be safe.

[Anonymous]

First, ask them if they smoke in their house. There's always the chance that your son smells like smoke for some other odd reason that you haven't thought of. This is not confrontational IMO. I don't think they will be offended if you tell them your son has allergies and asthma. Make sure to be non-judgmental about it. I definitely think you owe it to them to let them know why you won't let your kid play at their house. Wouldn't you want to know, too? I truly don't think this is any different than telling a family that your child is allergic to cats or dogs.

[Anonymous]

Smoker here -- they won't be offended if you are plain spoken and direct about things -- no need to dance around it. If you are worried about your son, host the other boy. The asthma is a rational/real concern.

[Anonymous]

No reason to be offended when you are straight forward and honest.

"Hey guys, I just wanted to let you know: Larlo has allergies and asthma. He can not play at your place if you smoke inside the house. Playing in the yard would be fine or the kids can just come over to us."

People these days really over-think everything...

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't want him going over there. Smoking = trashy, lots of other problems. Let the smokers kid come to your house instead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't want him going over there. Smoking = trashy, lots of other problems. Let the smokers kid come to your house instead.

What a disgusting thing to say!

Smoking is obviously very unhealthy but I've known a lot of otherwise wonderful people who smoke.