Can't keep sexual interest for more than 2-3 years with anyone
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Anonymous
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I just realized this. Married now and realize this is happening for the third time. When I had long term relationships in the past I thought this is just related to those people. But now and for the last two years I have no sexual interest for DH anymore. Have a very young child so I can't possibly divorce or anything because of my own sexual issue.
Anyone can relate? Maybe marriage is really not my thing. |
Anonymous
| I can relate. I don't necessarily lose sexual interest, I just get bored. Like you, when I was younger I thought it was because I was with the wrong person (which I was for some). But now I realize I just crave that "falling in love" feeling. I don't act on it anymore and am happily, though boringly, married. |
Anonymous
| figure out why you have such low self-esteem/respect |
Anonymous
| Maybe libido is a little like metabolism. When you're young, you can eat what you want and stay skinny. As you get older, you have to pay attention and work at it. Figure out how to cultivate and strengthen your libido. Concentrate on sex. Come up with new and creative ideas on how to give yourself and your husband orgasms. |
Anonymous
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OP, I couldn't have written your post word for word. DH is a wonderful partner/father to our toddler, but the sexual interest is just not there. We've been together for almost 8 years. Things started to go down hill around year 4 and then really took a nosedive when DS was born 3 years ago.
I don't want to leave/divorce DH over this, but I really wish I can get that lovin' feeling back. I'll be following this thread with great interest. |
Anonymous
PP here. Fixed it! |
Anonymous
What? OP's 'self respect' has nothing to do with it. |
Anonymous
DH here, and yes, I can relate. I think you have to make an effort to work at it. The "new relationship energy" has a lot to do with: - infatuation (that's not going to come back) - not really knowing the person well (you fill in the blanks with your fantasies) - having other everyday issues/tensions appear - routine/knowing the ins and outs of your partner. My advice is to make an effort to: - really be open and honest about what each of you likes. This requires a lot of vulnerability, but there is a kind of thrill in exposing yourselves. This means be graphic, explicit, shameless and demanding (selfish) about what you want. It is the antithesis of having him sweep you up, read your mind and magically do everything you want without you having to ask. But, it will lead to sex which is more physically gratifying (and really gratifying orgasms do help build the 'lovin' feeling") - make a huge effort to focus on the positive things about your husband - cultivate positive imagery and push negative stuff out of your mind. It's hard for men or women to get excited by a partner they've got some negative feelings/resentment about. At the very least, be careful not to spend a lot of time dwelling on things you don't like. - be patient - the kid thing is a killer. |
Anonymous
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It is a biologically common phenomenon, that the majority of people experience in a long-term relationship. The question is how do you deal with it? I'm just content with other aspects of my life, and have no interest in intimacy - although that is heightened by the meds I'm taking. |
Anonymous
| Yet another thread demonstrating why monogamous marriage is a horrible idea |
Anonymous
| Well, marriage wasn't initially about romantic love. It had a lot more to do with property interests and inheritance. |
Anonymous
| OP careful about labeling ypurself as having this problem. I think it's natural and you just have to find ways to keep connected. The gotttman marriage books about rediscovering the friendship in your marriage is good. I think it's called 12 steps to a good marriage or something. He says the friendship connection underlies intimacy. |
Anonymous
Unfortunately this is soooooooo true. That's why some partners would do better with several long-term relationships instead of a monogamous marriage. It's just human nature for some people to grow bored after a few years. It would avoid a lot of divorces. |
Anonymous
An open marriage or swinging is one solution, but it seems that most of the time it winds up being a disaster. So what is the solution? For my marriage, it is all about surprise. Married 15 years and my wife and I try to keep the newness in the relationship by trying new things when least expected. For example, on a Friday I expected to come home and have the kids there. Instead, she sent them to the grandparents for the weekend and was naked in bed waiting for me. Another time, we started with some rope in the house and did things I didn't know where in either one of us. You gotta the groove by trying.... |
Anonymous
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Maybe sex just isn't your thing? Maybe you're just not a very sexual person and the novelty in the early stages of a relationship make you feel a little more sexual, but once the newness wears off, you don't care much.
Do you desire other men and not your husband? or do you just not desire anyone? (you might also just be tired. or depressed. little kids are tiring. life with little kids can be dull.) |