Honestly...am I the bad sister?

[Anonymous]

My brother and I have a very good relationship, pretty easy going and it's been that way for all of our lives. Our parents are very big on everything being "fair" and we always try and make sure if one of us gets something the other gets something as well.

He lives on the other side of the country but we talk regularly. He has 2 kids and I have one. Our parents live near me, so I've received the benefit of lots of family help, babysitting etc. His in laws also live far, so it's been difficult. His wife is very high strung and gets flustered quickly, but she's very loving.

We are going on a big family trip this summer (which my husband won't be traveling with us) and my parents are paying for everyone. They wanted to buy the airline tickets now and have been emailing my brother for dates. Finally my mother went and said she would book our flights (my parents, me and my child) and buy my brother, my SIL and their kids later.

I got a call from my brother today very upset that I should let my parents go with him, that I always get all the help, basically telling me I'm selfish. My mother told me to ignore him because he's tired with a new baby, but am I not seeing something that perhaps I am being selfish?

DCUM...let me know!

[Anonymous]

I don't get it. Isn't your brother and his family also going on the trip and your mother just hasn't purchased their tickets yet?

[Anonymous]

You're not a bad sister. You're a great sister for even asking.

He sounds jealous and sort of overwhelmed. You might want to bow out and give him the time alone with your folks.

[Anonymous]

Slightly confused. Did he want a vacation with just his parents and not you or your kid? Surely he didn't mean he'd fly with his parents (since they're in different cities?)?

[Anonymous]

Tell him to discuss this with your mom.

[Anonymous]

Huh?

[Anonymous]

Is this a joke ?
Is he a grown ass man or a baby?
He has a baby and a wife and he needs mommy and daddy too?
Aren't they already paying for his vacation?
Your parents are to blame for thus lame ass fair bullshit.
Life is not fair !!!
And thank goodness because most of us would be a in a world of trouble if we always got what we deserved!

[Anonymous]

I agree with your mom. She was having trouble getting him to commit to dates and decided to book the flights of people who were already committed. It sounds like they're still booking the flights for your brother's family, but that the details haven't been worked out.

If your brother needed your parents to come help you out, he should tell your parents that, not call you and yell at you. I would let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Slightly confused. Did he want a vacation with just his parents and not you or your kid? Surely he didn't mean he'd fly with his parents (since they're in different cities?)?

It's an international flight which means he would have to fly through DC to get overseas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Slightly confused. Did he want a vacation with just his parents and not you or your kid? Surely he didn't mean he'd fly with his parents (since they're in different cities?)?

It's an international flight which means he would have to fly through DC to get overseas.

Then have your mom get him on the same flight. I do think he needs more help. He's traveling further and has a baby and another kid. How old is your kid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Slightly confused. Did he want a vacation with just his parents and not you or your kid? Surely he didn't mean he'd fly with his parents (since they're in different cities?)?

It's an international flight which means he would have to fly through DC to get overseas.

Then have your mom get him on the same flight. I do think he needs more help. He's traveling further and has a baby and another kid. How old is your kid?

5

[Anonymous]

Why can't he and his wife handle 2 kids?

[Anonymous]

He is an asshat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why can't he and his wife handle 2 kids?

Why can't OP handle one 5 year old? Her brother is traveling a longer distance and with a baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My brother and I have a very good relationship, pretty easy going and it's been that way for all of our lives. Our parents are very big on everything being "fair" and we always try and make sure if one of us gets something the other gets something as well.

He lives on the other side of the country but we talk regularly. He has 2 kids and I have one. Our parents live near me, so I've received the benefit of lots of family help, babysitting etc. His in laws also live far, so it's been difficult. His wife is very high strung and gets flustered quickly, but she's very loving.

We are going on a big family trip this summer (which my husband won't be traveling with us) and my parents are paying for everyone. They wanted to buy the airline tickets now and have been emailing my brother for dates. Finally my mother went and said she would book our flights (my parents, me and my child) and buy my brother, my SIL and their kids later.

I got a call from my brother today very upset that I should let my parents go with him, that I always get all the help, basically telling me I'm selfish. My mother told me to ignore him because he's tired with a new baby, but am I not seeing something that perhaps I am being selfish?

DCUM...let me know!

"...that I should LET my parents go with him...." OP, this sounds as if he's saying you somehow are forcing your parents to travel with you in order to cut him out of the loop. That's just crazy talk. You are not able to "let" your parents, who are responsible adults, do anything. Your mom, not you, is paying; your mom, not you, is booking. He's pissed at her and lashing out at you (and letting out his jealousy that your folks live nearer to you all the rest of the time as well). If he is dithering about dates, he has no right to make you feel like crap just because he can't get his act together and your mom, not you, made a booking.

He also isn't precluded from being on the same flight -- yet. He and his family will end up on another flight for sure if he keeps spending his time fussing at you rather than nailing down the dates.

"Hey, bro, when you said I should 'let' the folks come with you -- I'm sorry you see it that way, but I don't let them do or not do anything. Mom made the choice to book now and she booked for everyone who's got a date set. If you give her confirmation on dates today, you and yours might be on the same flight and that would be great for all of us. But I'm not telling Mom she and Dad have to fly that day on my account. It's what worked for all three of us."

This does not bode very well for the entire vacation together. I find it hard to picture "one big, happy family" with a cranky, jealous brother, a new baby, a sister-in-law who is "very high strung and gets flustered quicky" and your own young kid and his other young kid....I won't say to ditch the trip, since it clearly means a lot to your folks and you might be able to go off and have some fun with your own five-year-old at times. But if the expectation is doing a lot of stuff together as a big family unit every single day--well, overseas is a long (and expensive) way to go to have a high-strung, jealous and cranky time of it.