What one thing will your kids never forgive/forget (and maybe even talk about it therapy)?

[Anonymous]

I'll go first: I have a feeling that we'll never live down the fact that we moved our son's bedroom to the lower level of our house so that we could open up his main floor bedroom right off the kitchen and turn it into a family room that everyone can use and enjoy. Although he's coming around, mainly because he's a kid who values his privacy (and so didn't really like being too near the kitchen) we think he views it as us sending him to live in a dungeon--which it's not; it's above grade, has it's own bathroom, and he got to design it the way he wants. I do feel guilty about it, though. And it's possible that we could carve out another bedroom for him in our tiny bungalow by dividing the living room, but DH thinks that if he didn't have the move to the basement to resent us for, he'd find something else!

[Anonymous]

Probably not allowing DCs to get a dog.

[Anonymous]

Why no dog, PP? Allergies?

[Anonymous]

Yep, allergies.

[Anonymous]

I think one of our kids will complain that we liked the other one better. Not at all true, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Probably not allowing DCs to get a dog.

This will be our kids' complaint too. That and the oldest will claim that he was constantly bothered by the two youngers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'll go first: I have a feeling that we'll never live down the fact that we moved our son's bedroom to the lower level of our house so that we could open up his main floor bedroom right off the kitchen and turn it into a family room that everyone can use and enjoy. Although he's coming around, mainly because he's a kid who values his privacy (and so didn't really like being too near the kitchen) we think he views it as us sending him to live in a dungeon--which it's not; it's above grade, has it's own bathroom, and he got to design it the way he wants. I do feel guilty about it, though. And it's possible that we could carve out another bedroom for him in our tiny bungalow by dividing the living room, but DH thinks that if he didn't have the move to the basement to resent us for, he'd find something else!

OP, where do you and your other kid(s) sleep? If you were to put a bedroom on the main floor are there others there, too? Either way, if you have the means to do so I think you should go ahead with creating a room for your son that is not in the basement. I am actually a clinical psychologist and that kind of rejection--if that is how he perceives it--will stay with him forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'll go first: I have a feeling that we'll never live down the fact that we moved our son's bedroom to the lower level of our house so that we could open up his main floor bedroom right off the kitchen and turn it into a family room that everyone can use and enjoy. Although he's coming around, mainly because he's a kid who values his privacy (and so didn't really like being too near the kitchen) we think he views it as us sending him to live in a dungeon--which it's not; it's above grade, has it's own bathroom, and he got to design it the way he wants. I do feel guilty about it, though. And it's possible that we could carve out another bedroom for him in our tiny bungalow by dividing the living room, but DH thinks that if he didn't have the move to the basement to resent us for, he'd find something else!

Spoiled

[Anonymous]

I am 100% certain that oldest child will spend time in therapy talking about how we always favored younger child.

Older child simply has that personality - whenever we do anything nice for younger, older claims we are neglecting older, even if we did exact same nice thing for older. Older is bitter about any special gifts younger gets (no matter how many special gifts older gets at same time).

It makes DH and I crazy. We probably give older more time and attention because it is so craved and younger is more easy going. However, older also gets more negative attention (because of behavior and lack of easy going personality).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll go first: I have a feeling that we'll never live down the fact that we moved our son's bedroom to the lower level of our house so that we could open up his main floor bedroom right off the kitchen and turn it into a family room that everyone can use and enjoy. Although he's coming around, mainly because he's a kid who values his privacy (and so didn't really like being too near the kitchen) we think he views it as us sending him to live in a dungeon--which it's not; it's above grade, has it's own bathroom, and he got to design it the way he wants. I do feel guilty about it, though. And it's possible that we could carve out another bedroom for him in our tiny bungalow by dividing the living room, but DH thinks that if he didn't have the move to the basement to resent us for, he'd find something else!

OP, where do you and your other kid(s) sleep? If you were to put a bedroom on the main floor are there others there, too? Either way, if you have the means to do so I think you should go ahead with creating a room for your son that is not in the basement. I am actually a clinical psychologist and that kind of rejection--if that is how he perceives it--will stay with him forever.

Complete and utter poppycock. You should have your license revoked.

[Anonymous]

AAU basketball. It's a blessing and a curse .

[Anonymous]

Ask me what my kid does that will land me in therapy.

[Anonymous]

One thing I've found in my long and varied experience is that kids are often not traumatized by the things you think they'll be traumatized by.
Sometimes they turn around years later and accuse you of things so minor that you don't even remember it ever happened, such as on one occasion refusing to give them money for the school store because you didn't have any cash that day.

This is my issue with therapy - in some instances it enables some people to hold on to small grudges and blow them out of proportion, instead of placing responsibility for moving on squarely on the patient.

[Anonymous]

Well, if you go by their complaints now, they will complain of impaired socialization due to me not allowing social media until 13 per the TOS. My fifth grader is very displeased by this right now, and her 7th grade sister says not having instagram and snapchat is "social suicide". Sorry, not going to allow them to lie to sign up and the longer I can keep them away from that nonsense the better. Older DDs comment also prompted a very brief discussion of why I hate it when people use that word so flippantly and trivialize the very real issues around mental health/suicide.

From the other side, the one thing that has always stuck with me... my parents were great, and I love them dearly, and I would never hurt them by letting them know I still have some (unnecessary, useless, illogical) resentment over this, but I'm not sure I will ever forget that they said "ignore it, he's just bullying" about the kid who threatened to kill me when I was in 4th grade. Context -- I'm physically disabled and he said he had a pocket knife he would use to kill me because I walk funny. Never actually showed the knife, so it was almost certainly just an idiot kid running his mouth. Rationally I know there was never any real threat, so my parents were right to not make a big deal of it. Terrifying at the time, though, and for some reason that specific quote from my mom has always bothered me a bit. It was the logical and sensible reaction, it just wasn't emotionally satisfying (which obviously isn't the way to make decisions about how to react to things in life).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ask me what my kid does that will land me in therapy.

+1 lol