Grandparents have been sundowning for 30+ years

[Anonymous]

My grandparents (all 4 of them plus an assortment of step parent's elderly parents) are now in their 80s and doing a lot of sundowning. They are all actually in quite good health and have full mental capabilities. I'm so happy they are still alive. However, the problem is that they have been behaving and talking like very old people since they were in their 50s. The grandchildren have been understanding of and helpful with the types of things that go hand in hand with aging family members...for 40 yrs!

In retrospect, I think they could have waited a while before seeing themselves with one foot in the grave. Some amount of sundowning and life reflection and neediness is understandable but it's just been going on my entire life. And now it is starting with our parents! I'm completely burned out.

Is there any advice for sundowning fatigue? Any conversations we can have with our parents to nip this one early on?

[Anonymous]

Do you actually know what sundowning means?

[Anonymous]

I don't think you mean sundowning unless they have dementia...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sundowning

[Anonymous]

I don't think you know what sundowning means, OP.

[Anonymous]

Op here,. There must be multiple definitions. The one I've read about in AARP is the frequent life reflection, need for extra accommodation, and emotional neediness around being elderly and particularly at end of life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here,. There must be multiple definitions. The one I've read about in AARP is the frequent life reflection, need for extra accommodation, and emotional neediness around being elderly and particularly at end of life.

Why are you reading AARP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here,. There must be multiple definitions. The one I've read about in AARP is the frequent life reflection, need for extra accommodation, and emotional neediness around being elderly and particularly at end of life.

Why are you reading AARP?

To educate myself on issues facing my parents and grandparents and to understand their perspectives.

[Anonymous]

Sundowning more commonly refers to decreases intellectual functioning at the end of the day. Better mental acuity, memory, reasoning early in the day; increased confusion, belligerence, etc as the individual tires. So - if Grandpa saw the doctor at 8:30 a.m., it may appear that all is well; but at 8:30 p.m., it would be clear there was a deficit.

[Anonymous]

While it's good you are trying to find common ground with your relatives, it's usually not called "sundowning" unless it's in reference to dementia. It's odd that anyone in ok health and with mental capacity is "sundowning" in the commonly used since. My Mom has a friend who "sundowns" and has to be in a locked facility at night.

You may not want to use that term. It just sounds like there is a family culture of giving up when the get older? Depression or anxiety? Pretty common in my family, especially after age 65 or so. It's an older attitude from when people died much younger, most people are getting away from that--but it could be that your family system is reinforcing these beliefs somehow. I'm in my 40s and have developed debilitating anxiety (in therapy right now) and now recognize that this anxiety/depression was what I saw in my older relatives, not necessary aging.

[Anonymous]

I'm confused. Are they "old souls" or depressed or are they really sundowning? Sundowning= going downhill cognitively later in the day?

[Anonymous]

LOL.

Stop reading AARP crap. They are a bunch of loons labeling older people to get money from them. And guess what ? Strolling down memory lane is not being old. It's remembering a time of happiness. Nothing more, nothing less.

You want to be all in their business ? Go talk to them and never disrespect your elders. You sound like my know it all niece.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:LOL.

Stop reading AARP crap. They are a bunch of loons labeling older people to get money from them. And guess what ? Strolling down memory lane is not being old. It's remembering a time of happiness. Nothing more, nothing less.

You want to be all in their business ? Go talk to them and never disrespect your elders. You sound like my know it all niece.

I'd love to hear more about this.

[Anonymous]

Sundowning? As in running black people out of town? Yeah, I'd be quite concerned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My grandparents (all 4 of them plus an assortment of step parent's elderly parents) are now in their 80s and doing a lot of sundowning. They are all actually in quite good health and have full mental capabilities. I'm so happy they are still alive. However, the problem is that they have been behaving and talking like very old people since they were in their 50s. The grandchildren have been understanding of and helpful with the types of things that go hand in hand with aging family members...for 40 yrs!

In retrospect, I think they could have waited a while before seeing themselves with one foot in the grave. Some amount of sundowning and life reflection and neediness is understandable but it's just been going on my entire life. And now it is starting with our parents! I'm completely burned out.

Is there any advice for sundowning fatigue? Any conversations we can have with our parents to nip this one early on?

How old are you? My parents and ILs are/would be in their 80's. We are in our early 50's. Our children are in their 10's.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My grandparents (all 4 of them plus an assortment of step parent's elderly parents) are now in their 80s and doing a lot of sundowning. They are all actually in quite good health and have full mental capabilities. I'm so happy they are still alive. However, the problem is that they have been behaving and talking like very old people since they were in their 50s. The grandchildren have been understanding of and helpful with the types of things that go hand in hand with aging family members...for 40 yrs!

In retrospect, I think they could have waited a while before seeing themselves with one foot in the grave. Some amount of sundowning and life reflection and neediness is understandable but it's just been going on my entire life. And now it is starting with our parents! I'm completely burned out.

Is there any advice for sundowning fatigue? Any conversations we can have with our parents to nip this one early on?

How old are you? My parents and ILs are/would be in their 80's. We are in our early 50's. Our children are in their 10's.

Not OP but my grandparents are in their 80s and I'm 36. My oldest child is 15. It's possible (and very common) to be an adult and have grandparents in their 80s.