how do you spend family time?

[Anonymous]

I just had a big fight with DH. In our family, when we are all home during the evening or on the weekends, DH smokes pot and plays endless games of internet chess. He is in another room, his man cave. He is relaxing, I get it.

I don't know if his pot is causing him to retire from active family life, or he would do it anyway, but I would like to know if your family interacts together at home, or everyone is doing their own thing. I don't want to blame pot for something that would occur anyway. We have two small kids.

One of my friends with older kids have Wii nights. People are playing or watching, but at least everyone is in the same room.

Plus, his daily pot use is expensive. He says it helps with his chronic anxiety and racing thoughts.

[Anonymous]

I'd freak if DH smoked around my kids, or anywhere for that matter. What a man-child.

[Anonymous]

Your husband is full of shit, a dope head and an unfit father on the verge of being, if he isn't already, a bad husband.

WHY do you ladies marry and breed with these losers ? WHY ???

Weed will ruin your life, your kid's lives, your bank account, you name it. Tell Daddy to grow the fuck up.

[Anonymous]

The two kids I have at home are 12 and 9. If we're all home without friends over, usually we couple-off.

Tonight I was baking with one kid while DH was helping the other kid fold laundry and reorganize her dresser drawers.

[Anonymous]

You know, when I was single, I LOVED reading a book for 8 hours straight sometimes, through the night if I wanted. I loved being able to do that and I miss it tremendously now.

And that's just it. I put it aside to focus on my family. I only have them for a short while. Instead, I read for an hour during my lunch break at work.

I think smoking pot sucks and does way more damage than people want to think about. But even if you were 100% OK with his smoking pot, why can't he cut it down to once a week or so?

Balance. Delayed gratification. Generosity. Responsibility. The stuff of grownups.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband is full of shit, a dope head and an unfit father on the verge of being, if he isn't already, a bad husband.

WHY do you ladies marry and breed with these losers ? WHY ???

Weed will ruin your life, your kid's lives, your bank account, you name it. Tell Daddy to grow the fuck up.

This is OP. Would it make a difference if I told you my DH has no other vices-he doesn't even like football, he is a hard worker, and makes a lot of money to provide for his family? Not violent, highly educated, never drives while high, doesn't endanger society.

I say this because if you have a knee jerk reaction that is anti-pot, that advice may not be very helpful to me.

I am trying to gauge how much positives his pot smoking brings, versus the negatives, because there are positives. His retirement to his man cave bugs me a lot, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The two kids I have at home are 12 and 9. If we're all home without friends over, usually we couple-off.

Tonight I was baking with one kid while DH was helping the other kid fold laundry and reorganize her dresser drawers.

Thank you for that. Helpful. Mine are both under 5.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband is full of shit, a dope head and an unfit father on the verge of being, if he isn't already, a bad husband.

WHY do you ladies marry and breed with these losers ? WHY ???

Weed will ruin your life, your kid's lives, your bank account, you name it. Tell Daddy to grow the fuck up.

This is OP. Would it make a difference if I told you my DH has no other vices-he doesn't even like football, he is a hard worker, and makes a lot of money to provide for his family? Not violent, highly educated, never drives while high, doesn't endanger society.

I say this because if you have a knee jerk reaction that is anti-pot, that advice may not be very helpful to me.

I am trying to gauge how much positives his pot smoking brings, versus the negatives, because there are positives. His retirement to his man cave bugs me a lot, though.

I am not the PP and I agree 100% Your husband is a loser. He smokes pot instead of interacting with his children??? That's pretty disgusting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband is full of shit, a dope head and an unfit father on the verge of being, if he isn't already, a bad husband.

WHY do you ladies marry and breed with these losers ? WHY ???

Weed will ruin your life, your kid's lives, your bank account, you name it. Tell Daddy to grow the fuck up.

This is OP. Would it make a difference if I told you my DH has no other vices-he doesn't even like football, he is a hard worker, and makes a lot of money to provide for his family? Not violent, highly educated, never drives while high, doesn't endanger society.

I say this because if you have a knee jerk reaction that is anti-pot, that advice may not be very helpful to me.

I am trying to gauge how much positives his pot smoking brings, versus the negatives, because there are positives. His retirement to his man cave bugs me a lot, though.

This could be my husband but his vices are single malt scotch and ESPN. Really the issue is that he needs a healthier way to deal with daily stress so that he can be available for family time. What does he do for stress relief other than pot?

[Anonymous]

This is OP. He has ADHD. I think he uses pot as a medication. He seems to have an aversion to starting pharmaceuticals for his condition. I will say that ever since he started smoking pot, his panic attacks seem to have lessened.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband is full of shit, a dope head and an unfit father on the verge of being, if he isn't already, a bad husband.

WHY do you ladies marry and breed with these losers ? WHY ???

Weed will ruin your life, your kid's lives, your bank account, you name it. Tell Daddy to grow the fuck up.

This is OP. Would it make a difference if I told you my DH has no other vices-he doesn't even like football, he is a hard worker, and makes a lot of money to provide for his family? Not violent, highly educated, never drives while high, doesn't endanger society.

I say this because if you have a knee jerk reaction that is anti-pot, that advice may not be very helpful to me.

I am trying to gauge how much positives his pot smoking brings, versus the negatives, because there are positives. His retirement to his man cave bugs me a lot, though.

Nope. I'm not against a few couples passing a joint around on a Friday or Saturday night. But being anti-social with your own family? Bullshit. Spending tons of money on yourself that do nothing to make you a better person for your family?Bullshit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband is full of shit, a dope head and an unfit father on the verge of being, if he isn't already, a bad husband.

WHY do you ladies marry and breed with these losers ? WHY ???

Weed will ruin your life, your kid's lives, your bank account, you name it. Tell Daddy to grow the fuck up.

This is OP. Would it make a difference if I told you my DH has no other vices-he doesn't even like football, he is a hard worker, and makes a lot of money to provide for his family? Not violent, highly educated, never drives while high, doesn't endanger society.

I say this because if you have a knee jerk reaction that is anti-pot, that advice may not be very helpful to me.

I am trying to gauge how much positives his pot smoking brings, versus the negatives, because there are positives. His retirement to his man cave bugs me a lot, though.

This could be my husband but his vices are single malt scotch and ESPN. Really the issue is that he needs a healthier way to deal with daily stress so that he can be available for family time. What does he do for stress relief other than pot?

Yes. I can imagine the similarity. My DH does not watch sports. I think it is stress relief. He has a very stressful job, although it has eased up a bit this year. But I do think there may be a medicinal aspect to it too, because he has done work while high and the work quality is very good. He says it helps him concentrate and control his ADHD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband is full of shit, a dope head and an unfit father on the verge of being, if he isn't already, a bad husband.

WHY do you ladies marry and breed with these losers ? WHY ???

Weed will ruin your life, your kid's lives, your bank account, you name it. Tell Daddy to grow the fuck up.

This is OP. Would it make a difference if I told you my DH has no other vices-he doesn't even like football, he is a hard worker, and makes a lot of money to provide for his family? Not violent, highly educated, never drives while high, doesn't endanger society.

I say this because if you have a knee jerk reaction that is anti-pot, that advice may not be very helpful to me.

I am trying to gauge how much positives his pot smoking brings, versus the negatives, because there are positives. His retirement to his man cave bugs me a lot, though.

I am not the PP and I agree 100% Your husband is a loser. He smokes pot instead of interacting with his children??? That's pretty disgusting.

This is OP. Your overreactionary response leads me to believe that you may be a Reefer Madness fearmonger. You really didn't answer my plea for advice, either. What does your DH do in the evenings and weekends?

[Anonymous]

My husband used to smoke pot, almost daily, for about a year. I had no clue. But I did notice he acted stupid, he smelled, he didn't have any interest in the family (our kid was 2). And then he got super paranoid. And finally he got emotionally abusive. Those last two are unusual with pot smoking but not unheard of.

Fortunately something traumatic happened that made him stop cold turkey. He's been clean almost 8 years now. While he's not the type of dad who would do a family game night or anything like that, he did start participating in my child's life in a much more consistent and reliable way. He was able to do kid pick up in the evenings. He cooks dinner often. He cooks with our kid. He does the bedtime routine with our kid. He goes to school activities, concerts, plays, etc. He's reliable.

So while he's not as participatory as many fathers are these days, he's in our kid's life daily. Engaged. Pot made him check out completely. I didn't have a partner. I had a man asleep on the couch most nights. And my kid didn't have a father. He had some old guy taking up space on the sofa.

I'm so grateful he's no longer like that. I didn't understand then what was missing, but I can look back now and see how horrible the past 8 years would have been if he had continued smoking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband used to smoke pot, almost daily, for about a year. I had no clue. But I did notice he acted stupid, he smelled, he didn't have any interest in the family (our kid was 2). And then he got super paranoid. And finally he got emotionally abusive. Those last two are unusual with pot smoking but not unheard of.

Fortunately something traumatic happened that made him stop cold turkey. He's been clean almost 8 years now. While he's not the type of dad who would do a family game night or anything like that, he did start participating in my child's life in a much more consistent and reliable way. He was able to do kid pick up in the evenings. He cooks dinner often. He cooks with our kid. He does the bedtime routine with our kid. He goes to school activities, concerts, plays, etc. He's reliable.

So while he's not as participatory as many fathers are these days, he's in our kid's life daily. Engaged. Pot made him check out completely. I didn't have a partner. I had a man asleep on the couch most nights. And my kid didn't have a father. He had some old guy taking up space on the sofa.

I'm so grateful he's no longer like that. I didn't understand then what was missing, but I can look back now and see how horrible the past 8 years would have been if he had continued smoking.

Thank you for your perspective.