S/O Cutting off contact

[Anonymous]

My father tongue kissed me when I was eight. He also was emotionally incestuous and had a creepy/pervy vibe my whole life. I experienced intense emotional/mental/physical a use at the hands of my mom, though, and my father was otherwise very loving and doting, so I "favored" him.

I now have a daughter, though, and the two times I've been around my dad since she was born I have felt intense anxiety. I have come to acknowledge that what my father did was a violation and utterly unacceptable, and I am thinking of cutting off contact (like the other poster).

Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

If anyone has experienced something similar and have cut off contact, how did it go for you? Did it affect your relationships with other relatives?

[Anonymous]

Anyone??

[Anonymous]

I would never allow him to see my daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would never allow him to see my daughter.

This.

[Anonymous]

I was on the fence with the OP in the last thread because she couldn't seem to say that she had a clear memory of what happened, just a feeling.

Tongue kissing an 8 year old? Holy crap, please do not feel in any way obligated to bring your children near him. If you do, please do not allow him to be alone with them.

[Anonymous]

OP - I am sorry this happened to you.
I wouldn't let your parents near my kids. Ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - I am sorry this happened to you.
I wouldn't let your parents near my kids. Ever.

This is my inclination. It just makes me sad, and it will make it hard to maintain relationships with my siblings and other relatives.

[Anonymous]

agree with all of those above.

I cut off a parent and had to distance myself from other family until they accepted it. It took about a decade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would never allow him to see my daughter.

. . . or any of my children, or me (NP here). No contact at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:agree with all of those above.

I cut off a parent and had to distance myself from other family until they accepted it. It took about a decade.

OP here. Were you able to maintain relationships with other family members? I love my grandmother very much and my dad and stepmom bought a home on her block a few years ago. This is a major reason I'm apprehensive to cut the cord.

Otherwise, thank you everyone for confirming that this is an acceptable decision. It's not going to be easy, but that's life I suppose.

[Anonymous]

If there is a way to visit your grandmother by randomly dropping in to visit her without much advance notice, then do that. Otherwise, if your dad or stepmom get wind that you are visiting, they will probably try to invite themselves to your visits with her.

You might also try to visit with your grandmother at another relative's home. However, if you have the kind of relatives that feel that they must notify your dad, then visits might not be possible. If this is the case, it might be lonesome for you, but you are not alone in needing to cut off contact with family members, especially when you become a mom and you feel the need to protect your child.