Feel like I'm living in Hell

[Anonymous]

I'm in hell with my child . He's a mess, not doing drugs or anything like that but gets in moods pretty much daily that are very destructive. Won't do homework, has run away (just in neighborhood). Says awful things, doesn't want to see friends, is sad a lot and angry , I know he's likrly depressed, runs in family, but I can't get him to a counselor. What would you do? He plays several sports, one he really cares about but I'm afraid with this behavior he may not make team again. Thanks for advice.

[Anonymous]

Call your pedi's office for a recommendation and go to the counselor yourself. Talk to them about your child. Also meet with the school's counselor. Send them an email today requesting a meeting asap as it can take several days/weeks as they are busy. They can help. Parenting shouldn't/doesn't have to be this hard.

(((hugs)))

[Anonymous]

If you can't get a counselor, ask whether there is someone at school that he can talk to.

[Anonymous]

Dont be so sure about not doing drugs. Pot is everywhere. Not sure what to tell you, i too have a sometimes moody teenager, just trying to help her find some happiness and balance. Trying to remember what 15, 16, 17 felt like, not easy. Keep talking, make y I ur house a haven for him. Discovered that my teen feels better and more open to talk with me when she feels cared for in the most basic ways. Favorite foods in fridge, one on one trips to cvs for specific toiletries, bringing home a new clothing item that i thought she would like, just the usual caretaking in a more deliberate way, to show that i am always thinking about her in a good way. Just because teens can be very independent doesnt mean they always want to.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes the moodiness is a typical part of being a teen, however, definitely follow your instincts if you think he's depressed.

I agree with PP about seeing a counselor for yourself to help you learn how to respond to him.

The second thing I would suggest is talking to a coach. Tell him (I'm assuming it's a he) to keep your conversation confidential, that you don't suspect drugs, and describe the other behaviors like you did in your post. Ask the coach to take him aside and have an informal conversation with him. He can say that he's noticed he doesn't seem to be himself. Then he can LISTEN.

He can suggest your son meet with the school counselor as something specific. I would add that I don't think the coach should be reporting back to you to respect your son's privacy, and let the coach know that. The point is to get him help.

[Anonymous]

He needs a psychiatrist, a medical doctor, and I agree that you should see a therapist yourself. I found that invaluable when my DC was dealing with depression.

The status quo is an impossible situation and it can and will get worse. You have no choice but to do something. Start with your own therapist. While he is resisting help, he may secretly feel like he needs it. He may feel both things. Since he's still interested in sports, make trying out for the team contingent on him getting help. But don't approach this in a threatening manner. Have a conversation with him when you aren't angry, when he isn't in trouble. Do not give him a choice. Tell him as a parent you;ve made the call that he has to get help. The situation isn't working for him and it isn't working for you and it can and will get better, with help. He may be relieved to have that decision made for him. Or he may resist but dig in. You can't physically make him go, but you can make the cost of not going too high.

You can also find a psychiatrist for him who has had experience with teens who will be able to give advice on getting him in the door. This is something they deal with all the time.

The fact that he is isolating himself is very concerning. I would worry about self-harm in addition to drugs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes the moodiness is a typical part of being a teen, however, definitely follow your instincts if you think he's depressed.

I agree with PP about seeing a counselor for yourself to help you learn how to respond to him.

The second thing I would suggest is talking to a coach. Tell him (I'm assuming it's a he) to keep your conversation confidential, that you don't suspect drugs, and describe the other behaviors like you did in your post. Ask the coach to take him aside and have an informal conversation with him. He can say that he's noticed he doesn't seem to be himself. Then he can LISTEN.

He can suggest your son meet with the school counselor as something specific. I would add that I don't think the coach should be reporting back to you to respect your son's privacy, and let the coach know that. The point is to get him help.

Yeah don't do this. Don't say ANYTHING to a coach about your kid feeling emotionally unstable. Especially if you are on a travel team.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes the moodiness is a typical part of being a teen, however, definitely follow your instincts if you think he's depressed.

I agree with PP about seeing a counselor for yourself to help you learn how to respond to him.

The second thing I would suggest is talking to a coach. Tell him (I'm assuming it's a he) to keep your conversation confidential, that you don't suspect drugs, and describe the other behaviors like you did in your post. Ask the coach to take him aside and have an informal conversation with him. He can say that he's noticed he doesn't seem to be himself. Then he can LISTEN.

He can suggest your son meet with the school counselor as something specific. I would add that I don't think the coach should be reporting back to you to respect your son's privacy, and let the coach know that. The point is to get him help.

Yeah don't do this. Don't say ANYTHING to a coach about your kid feeling emotionally unstable. Especially if you are on a travel team.

OP's kid doesn't sound "emotionally unstable" by any stretch. Shouldn't coaches should care about a whole person not just his ability to play? Let me guess, your kid plays lacrosse at Landon?

[Anonymous]

My parents thought I was just being a moody teenager, and I was actually very depressed (near suicidal).

You don't want to ignore it - talk to his doctor or school counselors.

[Anonymous]

My brother acted this way and he was using weed around the clock. It actually made him very angry and on edge... and it was like living in hell because I never knew what he was going to do.

My advice: be proactive. Take him to visit a professional .

[Anonymous]

You don't say how old he is but, at any rate, I would not make it an option to see a therapist but a requirement. He sounds seriously depressed.

[Anonymous]

All of the above are good, but if he likes sports then sign him up for more. Or invite teammates to your house of pizza and video games.I am not saying that he does not need to be treated for depressions, but sports can help. Been there. Get help yourself. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

All of the above are good, but if he likes sports then sign him up for more. Or invite teammates to your house of pizza and video games.I am not saying that he does not need to be treated for depressions, but sports can help. Lighten up on homework demands. Been there. Get help yourself. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Try to reduce demands and stressors (like too much homework or too many activities). Let him choose what type of therapy individual or family. He may be scared to go to therapy alone. Say it's to help you get along better as he becomes more independent. Try to break a cycle of power struggles and try to show him you respect him. Offer to help him s little more in homework.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Try to reduce demands and stressors (like too much homework or too many activities). Let him choose what type of therapy individual or family. He may be scared to go to therapy alone. Say it's to help you get along better as he becomes more independent. Try to break a cycle of power struggles and try to show him you respect him. Offer to help him s little more in homework.

Op here Thx! Starting therapy today- for him and separately for my husband and myself together. It's been tough. I particularly appreciate the post quoted above - sometimes it's hard in this area to remember to chill a bit more too. Thx!