My DIL is a lazy child - what to do

[Anonymous]

So I really tried in the beginning to like her but I just can't. I'm sure she feels the same but I still want to visit my DS and grand baby.

The girl is just selfish. She is a parent but acts like a child. Loves drama but then acts appalled when her family drags her into the latest event. She texts constantly. During dinner, she will literally stop the conversation to text.

I know I'm complaining but I really don't know what to do. I can't stand her and dread visits when I know she will be there. I had such high hopes but nope. Any suggestions on how to deal with her ?

[Anonymous]

Suck it up. If you are a jerk you won't get to see the grandbaby.

[Anonymous]

Be polite and civil and keep most/all communication with your DS.

[Anonymous]

You'll probably get flamed from women posters who can't stand their own MILs. (fwiw- I'm a DH who doesn't get along with his ILs). You don't have to like your DIL, just be polite and don't question her parenting skills. Everybody parents differently and there's a generational gap between you two as well. There's two sides to every story but what you're describing sounds very immature and it'd drive me nuts too (and I'm only 44).

Smile and wave, boys. Smile and wave.

[Anonymous]

Ditto, PP.

Didn't you ever teach your children that you don't have to like someone, you just have to be nice - parenting 101.

[Anonymous]

Your DIL sounds like my MIL. Smile and grit your teeth.

[Anonymous]

Is she a DCUM ? Sounds like the ones here.

[Anonymous]

Does she work, OP?

[Anonymous]

Your DIL sounds exactly like my brother's wife.

[Anonymous]

MIL and I don't get along, so DH and DS visit her without me most of the time. Maybe you can benefit from a similar arrangement.

[Anonymous]

I'm not a fan of my MIL. She's whiny, manipulative, and needy. But, she's DH's mother and he loves her, as does my DC. So, I smile, make polite conversation and, if necessary, drink wine.

It's not rocket science. You don't have to like her (or vice versa) but absent some terrible wrong done to you, you just need to be a grown-up. That means being polite and respectful. It's not really that difficult. I'm fairly sure my MIL has no idea that I don't particularly care for her.

As for specific suggestions, no need to give in to her rudeness. If she texts during a conversation, just continue the conversation without her. Don't huff or puff or make a big show of pausing. If she was talking and stops mid-sentence just turn to someone else and ask them about their day. There is lots of middle ground between doing nothing and calling her out.

As for the drama, try to see the humor in it. My best friend is a huge drama queen. Always has been, since we were kids. Even now that we're grown, she still finds the drama. I love it - her stories are super entertaining. Way better than most of my friend's mundane every day life stories. Just listen and marvel at the crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not a fan of my MIL. She's whiny, manipulative, and needy. But, she's DH's mother and he loves her, as does my DC. So, I smile, make polite conversation and, if necessary, drink wine.

It's not rocket science. You don't have to like her (or vice versa) but absent some terrible wrong done to you, you just need to be a grown-up. That means being polite and respectful. It's not really that difficult. I'm fairly sure my MIL has no idea that I don't particularly care for her.

As for specific suggestions, no need to give in to her rudeness. If she texts during a conversation, just continue the conversation without her. Don't huff or puff or make a big show of pausing. If she was talking and stops mid-sentence just turn to someone else and ask them about their day. There is lots of middle ground between doing nothing and calling her out.

As for the drama, try to see the humor in it. My best friend is a huge drama queen. Always has been, since we were kids. Even now that we're grown, she still finds the drama. I love it - her stories are super entertaining. Way better than most of my friend's mundane every day life stories. Just listen and marvel at the crazy.

+1 this is good advice

[Anonymous]

I like my MIL.
I would be really annoyed if someone texted at the dinner table, but then I am old-fashioned like that. I have seen plenty of people do it and it saddens me that the world has come to this.

So, to echo PPs, smile, stay courteous and be glad you don't have to live with her!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does she work, OP?

Op here. She works part time at home. It started as full time but " everyone was so stupid" she couldn't take it anymore so they allowed her to go part time. She's a smart girl and does the job well, but is fairly judgmental and this way no one has to deal with her.

Thanks everyone for reminding me to just smile and be polite. I usually try to just make small talk but for some reason she just really got to me tonight. Maybe I'm just extra hormonal ?

[Anonymous]

^^^ not a "?" It was suppose to be a