Need help and don't know where to turn first

[Anonymous]

I have an almost 5 year old son who has a lot of behavioral issues. He's also an anxious child who, like another poster described in their own thread about their kid, has a lot of fears- can't be left in a room by himself, refuses to go upstairs to get something, etc.

I've been reading threads here but still feel confused about who the best person or source we should consult first. He does have some issues at school, but the teachers/director don't seem overly concerned, and I think it's a case of he holds it together better at school than at home. I know people mention KKI a lot and therapy there, but it's a haul for us and we both work FT out of the home.

Who do we go to first to even see if there's a problem? We've taken classes with Rene Hackney before- I know she does in-person consults. Would someone like her be a good first step so we can see if it's a parenting issue or if she thinks there's a deeper issue going on that should be evaluated by someone else?

[Anonymous]

OP, here's what I would do:

- get on waiting lists at both KKI and CNMC.
- ask your pediatrician to recommend or refer you to a developmental pediatrician.
-contact your county's Child Find office.

As far as Rene Hackney, she talks a good talk but I personally didn't like her playgroups, they did nothing for my DS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have an almost 5 year old son who has a lot of behavioral issues. He's also an anxious child who, like another poster described in their own thread about their kid, has a lot of fears- can't be left in a room by himself, refuses to go upstairs to get something, etc.

I've been reading threads here but still feel confused about who the best person or source we should consult first. He does have some issues at school, but the teachers/director don't seem overly concerned, and I think it's a case of he holds it together better at school than at home. I know people mention KKI a lot and therapy there, but it's a haul for us and we both work FT out of the home.

Who do we go to first to even see if there's a problem? We've taken classes with Rene Hackney before- I know she does in-person consults. Would someone like her be a good first step so we can see if it's a parenting issue or if she thinks there's a deeper issue going on that should be evaluated by someone else?

You could completely be describing my 7 year old. We are starting therapy in two weeks. I pray it helps. Good luck to you OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, here's what I would do:

- get on waiting lists at both KKI and CNMC.
- ask your pediatrician to recommend or refer you to a developmental pediatrician.
-contact your county's Child Find office.

As far as Rene Hackney, she talks a good talk but I personally didn't like her playgroups, they did nothing for my DS.

I think getting on the waitlists is a good plan. (Personally, my pediatrician wouldn't have a clue as to developmental pediatricians, and depending on how the evaluation goes, you may not need someone on an ongoing basis.)

Contacting child find to see if your kid is eligible for OT or speech therapy is helpful. They usually don't make diagnoses.

I've known people who have been really pleased with Dr. Hackney, so you may find a personal consultation helpful. You can get behavioral strategies even if you don't have a firm diagnosis.

GL.

[Anonymous]

Hi my now 10 year old was like that alot at 5--he was diagnosed HFA at 6. I had eval at Children's and it gave me alot of tools and ideas for best way to support. I had already started weekly CBT/play based therapy and that was also useful for creating toolkit of strategies to help son conquer fears. The therapist and son created a list of things that scared him (and being alone was one of them), another was the dark, sleeping by self, cartoon characters that looked menacing. They took them one at a time and she helped with strategies to overcome. It took a long time but looking back watching him gain self-confidence as he beat these fears was amazing.

Of course, as old fears were eliminated, new ones creeped in based on his age and stage of life. Some fears came back after awhile and were revisited, some were gone to stay. After 2 years, while he got alot better, anxiety was still in the way of him implementing these tools. He started on Zoloft and this changed his life so much for better! Our whole family was happier as our lives were not based on his fears. So give it some time but you might consider meds as he gets older.

Also, do you think he needs IEP? Is this impacting school?

Good luck

[Anonymous]

My oldest has ADHD/anxiety (6th grader). They're mutually reinforcing but usually one holds supremacy over the other for a while and then it reverses. We've done a lot of CBT starting when he was in 1st grade. It didn't do him much good until last year (5th grade). He had all the tools he needed but he was unable to but them into practice until his brain hit a certain maturation level. He's got an IEP but anxiety wasn't addressed because it was situational and when he got through an episode, it was as if it never happened. He couldn't tell us why he got so wound up and he wasn't able to reflect back on that time. It was as if he totally forgot how out of sorts he was or that we were talking about some other kid. But, we persevered and even though it wasn't apparent, what he was being taught sunk in.

One of the things I did was in my beginning-of-the-school year intro to the teachers, I brought up the anxiety. It often wasn't apparent to them because he kept himself together at school. When an issue arose that he wasn't handling well, I'd email the teacher. DS usually looked over my shoulder as I wrote. I wanted him to know what I was doing and to learn how to self-advocate. That's worked well for us and as he's gotten older, I've done it less and less. I now give DS a choice to speak to the teacher himself or I would email. So far, that's only happened twice this school year. In third grade, though, there was a period his anxiety was out of control. We ended up putting him on generic Prozac for most of the year and it was a godsend. His anxiety was still present but he was able to control it rather than it controlling him. If he gets to that point again, I won't hesitate to use it again.

As far as who to see, you should scout around for a good dev ped/psychiatrist. We've not had good luck with psychologists. You should also read up on CBT and anxiety so you can learn to appropriately handle your DS's anxiety. It can be a fine line between addressing fears, providing support and feeding fears. Hugs.

[Anonymous]

BTW, OP, a lot of 4-5 year olds don't like to be left alone in rooms. It's not just a SN thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:BTW, OP, a lot of 4-5 year olds don't like to be left alone in rooms. It's not just a SN thing.

OP here. Thanks for the comment. See, this is what confuses me- is DS perfectly typical in his fears and issues or is there something deeper? To me, the not being left alone is debilitating and definitely affects his daily functioning. But then again I know it's possible I'm overreacting because I have an older child who has never had these fears or any of these issues. And none of his friends have these issues...

[Anonymous]

OP, sometimes it's the severity of the emotional response that triggers parental spidery sense.

My 5 y.o. doesn't like to be left alone in rooms either, but with gentle persuasion can be told to go ahead, I'll follow in a minute. She does it, she's fine, she calls for me in 30 seconds with "where are you, I thought you were coming?"

If she were having major meltdowns, or bathroom accidents, or another severe reaction when a minute delay was requested, I would find it concerning - more or less concerning depending on the frequency of the severe reaction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, sometimes it's the severity of the emotional response that triggers parental spidery sense.

My 5 y.o. doesn't like to be left alone in rooms either, but with gentle persuasion can be told to go ahead, I'll follow in a minute. She does it, she's fine, she calls for me in 30 seconds with "where are you, I thought you were coming?"

If she were having major meltdowns, or bathroom accidents, or another severe reaction when a minute delay was requested, I would find it concerning - more or less concerning depending on the frequency of the severe reaction.

This.

And please don't second guess yourself. You are the mom and you know. Good luck!