Grandparents insist on taking my kids’ first class seats

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:It seems like many people commenting that they would never take anything from their kids when they are elderly and have no problems with “resources flowing down.” That is rich people perspective…talk about entitlement. If my kids didn’t offer their first class tickets to their grandparents by their own accord, I would be super disappointed with how I have raised my kids with no values.

Can you not see that different people have different values? In certain cultures the young pay for the old. In others it’s considered offensive for the elders to receive any gifts/money from younger generations. My grandmother writes us checks on her birthday. The only thing I can give her without risk of offending her is flowers.

This is me. I make probably 10x what my grandmother has total and she still sends me a $50 check for my birthday. If we get her something nice, we have to downplay it or she is very insulted.

But in the situation at hand, my parents could never afford to take my family on a Greek cruise and fly business class. But we can, and if we invited them of course we would pay for them. Who invites people and then expects them to pay their way? It's just bad manners. My parents would never "invite" us to cruise Greek and expect us to foot the bill. We would be the ones to make it happen. Do you all "parents pay" people invite your parents to dinner then sit back and wait for them to grab the bill? Or do you just let them do all the inviting?

It's about being open and clear in communication. We don't know how it was initially discussed. If it was "we are doing this cruise, but it taps out on our cash budget for travel this year. We would love to do it together if you can cover your airfare and the cruise" then that is clear and open. I have plenty of friends who don't maybe exactly "invite" me to dinner but ask if I want to go out. Sometimes we pay our own bills. Sometimes the friend says it's their treat, sometimes I say it's mine. If we say it upfront from the beginning, that's open and clear communication and nobody gets the wrong idea or feels misled.

That's different than what people are saying here. Parents pay always, money flows in only one direction! That's just not some universal truth that I've ever been aware of.

Me either. That's why you need to communicate openly! There are no hard and fast rules. If everyone agrees to the setup and feels treated fairly, that's all that matters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sixteen and fourteen year olds are fine in coach.

I'd definitely put my parents in first class so they are more comfortable.

This seems like such an easy decision.

Grandparents should be in the first class seats. And what a great opportunity to teach your children to put their aging grandparents' comfort ahead of their own.

I think the parents should offer to go coach one way and the kids go coach the other way, grandparents go first class both ways. That's what I would do, and I think it's a better lesson than "you have to put your grandparents' comfort ahead of your own (I don't though even though they're my parents)"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Were your parents willing to pay for first class tickets and only coach was available, or were they only willing to pay for coach and they found out afterwards that your kids were flying first class? If it’s the former, let them offer your kids market value for the seats and your kids can decide whether or not to take it. If it’s the latter, then they’re sleazy. Your DH doesn’t owe them the fruits of his labor. Traveling for business isn’t easy and he earned those frequent flyer miles.

So THIS!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If they are in their 70s and 80s, I would let them have first class seats. Maybe I wouldn’t be happy about it or their behavior but...they do have worse joints and they probably have to get up to go to the bathroom more.
But discuss amongst the 4 of you. Is anyone willing to give up their seat? Could be OP, DH, teen 1, teen 2, combinations of these.

Whoever has the greatest need for first class, let them have it.

Nobody needs first class. It’s not handicapped parking where you have to prove a need. Airlines sell first class tickets for beaucoup $$$, they don’t hand them out based on age, health conditions, etc.

Let’s call a spade a spade. You have something, they want it, and they’re willing to play dirty to get it. Let them offer the other people in first class $50 to switch to coach. See if there are any takers.

Exactly.
What people aren't understanding is that it's not about the grandparents "need" it's that they're trying to emotionally extort the OP into doing what they want.

Threatening not to go unless they go in first class is really disgusting behavior.

They were perfectly fine flying coach... UNTIL... they heard the kids were flying first.

I would have been more than happy to give them the kids first class seats had they simply asked, but to threaten not to go "OR ELSE" is just entitled behavior.

[Anonymous]

I hope the OP comes back and updates on what was decided.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t even imagine a scenario where I wouldn’t give my parents the most comfortable seats.

Same. I’m astonished at most of the responses on here.

I'm astonished that grandparents who were fine in coach are now pulling emotional extortion to get their way.

They've had a lot longer to act entitled, considering they're paying for NOTHING but their plane tickets. 🙄

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell your parents to upgrade their tickets to premium economy, and then the kids can sit in those. Those seats may not lie flat, but they’re bigger and more comfortable than regular economy.

This is the only peaceful solution.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op should offer this immediately, they should not even have to ask. Some of you people are just clueless, I can't imagine treating my parents this way. Or showing my kids that this is how to treat your elders. One day Op will be the grandparent, one day.

Same thoughts

It's pathetic to sock puppet.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:The idea of being on the same flight with my parents and kids and having my parents sit uncomfortably while we all lounge in business makes me really uncomfortable and I would never do it. I think it’s rude if your parents to demand it, but you should teach your kids that it’s appropriate for them to give up their seats for their grandparents. The kids didn’t earn or pay for the seats either so I don’t really see why they need payment for them, but it would be a nice gesture from the grandparents

1000% agree with this. IMO the biggest jerk here is OP’s husband, and OP is complicit in allowing him to spoil their teenagers at the expense of her parents. Gross.

Not sure I understand. The husband is already paying for his in-laws’ hotel expenses in Athens. He paid for his own family’s cruise costs and travel expenses. He invited his in-laws to his family vacation. He offered to heavily subsidize his in-laws’ purchase of business class airfare. For all this…he receives…nothing in return?!? The grandparents should be footing the bill for everything. Money flows down. Always.

Always? Someone please explain this mentality to me.

Super easy. Under normal circumstances, accumulation of experience, wisdom, and wealth monotonically increases with age. The ONLY situations in which it doesn’t is when individuals cut corners, become lazy, and decide to take more than they give. Any grandparent that takes from their kids and grandkids is total trash.

There is no greater sign of failure or insult in life than having to ask your decedents for assistance of any kind.

Yes, totally agree... except in the Asian culture where it's the norm.

However, in American culture?
Yeah, they're total failures.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sixteen and fourteen year olds are fine in coach.

I'd definitely put my parents in first class so they are more comfortable.

This seems like such an easy decision.

Grandparents should be in the first class seats. And what a great opportunity to teach your children to put their aging grandparents' comfort ahead of their own.

I think the parents should offer to go coach one way and the kids go coach the other way, grandparents go first class both ways. That's what I would do, and I think it's a better lesson than "you have to put your grandparents' comfort ahead of your own (I don't though even though they're my parents)"

This..it's so weird that grandparents don't rate first class. I'm not a grandparent btw.

The kids need to fly coach. No one really wants kids in first class, it's not why you fly first class. Unless the kids have special needs or are already over 6 feet and need the room.

[Anonymous]

Not reading replies but imo it would set a bad example for my 13 yo if he had better arrangement than his grandfather. He isn’t little anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t even imagine a scenario where I wouldn’t give my parents the most comfortable seats.

Same. I’m astonished at most of the responses on here.

I'm astonished that grandparents who were fine in coach are now pulling emotional extortion to get their way.

They've had a lot longer to act entitled, considering they're paying for NOTHING but their plane tickets. 🙄

No, actually, OP noted that her parents are paying their own fare for the cruise. OP and husband are only providing a few nights in a hotel for before and after the cruise. I wouldn’t be surprised if the parents also pay for a lot of restaurant meals when the families go out to eat.

[Anonymous]

I'd offer the seats to my parents first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:The idea of being on the same flight with my parents and kids and having my parents sit uncomfortably while we all lounge in business makes me really uncomfortable and I would never do it. I think it’s rude if your parents to demand it, but you should teach your kids that it’s appropriate for them to give up their seats for their grandparents. The kids didn’t earn or pay for the seats either so I don’t really see why they need payment for them, but it would be a nice gesture from the grandparents

1000% agree with this. IMO the biggest jerk here is OP’s husband, and OP is complicit in allowing him to spoil their teenagers at the expense of her parents. Gross.

Not sure I understand. The husband is already paying for his in-laws’ hotel expenses in Athens. He paid for his own family’s cruise costs and travel expenses. He invited his in-laws to his family vacation. He offered to heavily subsidize his in-laws’ purchase of business class airfare. For all this…he receives…nothing in return?!? The grandparents should be footing the bill for everything. Money flows down. Always.

Always? Someone please explain this mentality to me.

Super easy. Under normal circumstances, accumulation of experience, wisdom, and wealth monotonically increases with age. The ONLY situations in which it doesn’t is when individuals cut corners, become lazy, and decide to take more than they give. Any grandparent that takes from their kids and grandkids is total trash. There is no greater sign of failure or insult in life than having to ask your decedents for assistance of any kind.

monotonically- thanks for the new word .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your parents are selfish entitled jerks. Normally I'd offer to trade the seats, but the way they're going about it makes me never want to vacation with them again.

Honestly I'd call their bluff and say so be it.

Same. I’d generally think the kids should let the grandparents have the seats, but if they’re being rude and entitled, it might make me dig in my heels. Did they have a chance to buy first class seats and just not want to spend the $$ or was first class booked up? Are they like this about other things? If they are, that would be the deciding factor for me. If this is an isolated incident, then I might tell the kids to suck it up.