As a parent of a rising senior, I am completely paralysed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you all. I am taking note of all the advice here.

We are in MD. UMD (and now also UMBC) is included on my list. We can easily afford full in-state cost even without merit aid, but if it is OOS then we do have a budget. Our income is donut hole, but we also have other obligations (relatives) that we contribute towards so it is not that we can afford any school without taking out loans. Thank you for the reality check.

Location will also matter in terms of the airfare and travel costs for our child and also for us. If he stays in-state, he can also continue with his medical providers. So the OOS college really has to offer advantages to him that are superior to what UMD (or UMBC) can offer in terms of career and education. I am happy that the state schools are setting an impressive high bar. At least that is my perspective.

I understand now what other PPs said about letting him drive the process, because, I am more interested in his education, career, safety and convenience. I hope in his list he will put more emphasis on where he will feel more happy and content.

Ideas:

- Make it clear what you think you can spend and whether there’s any uncertainty about that.

- If necessary, actually help your son apply to the University of Maryland and maybe one other state school that’s an emergency backup school safety, like UMBC. Keep track of financial aid deadlines for those schools yourself.

- Make it clear that your son has to do just about everything else, or ask you for specific help that you can handle, or must handle (such as: paying miscellaneous fees, or putting your financial information in financial aid forms), for any other schools. The University of Maryland is a great, affordable option, and there’s no reason you should have to do the legwork for other schools. If, for example, your son is ready to stretch his wings and go to the University of Illinois, or MIT, then he should be able to figure out how to apply for those schools on his own.

- If your son is an EU national or a national of some other place with good universities, look into the options available there. Even if your son just speaks English, maybe he can find a good English-language bachelor’s program there. That might turn out to be an affordable, fun alternative to the University of Maryland. Consider getting involved a little bit just to help figure out whether schools in your home country would be suitable.

- Try not to discourage applications to any schools based solely on worries about cost. Many schools that you might think would be expensive, like Princeton, can be very cheap for donut hole families. They’ll take your caregiving costs seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is sad.

Not one person, or even the OP, asked where the young man wants to go. I guarantee he has a favorite college, and it's probably not Harvard or Yale, probably not close. Maybe it's clutch-the-pearls the state flagship he already knows peers at and he could easily get into. For shame!

But a nutty status-obsessed striver mom has to blow this entire process so out of proportion that she admits she's popping pills.

The young man is nearly 18 years old, has strong stats, and has a full-time job. There's nothing for you to obsess over. It's not difficult for a self-motivated teen to apply to college, especially if you're UMC as no need for financial aid forms cuts off about 75% of the app paperwork.

He'll get in somewhere good to great and you'll (hopefully) look back at this and your unhealthy sad obsession with bragging rights and status with embarrassment and shame.

Oh please. Some parents want to be involved with the college selection and application process. Mine were not, and it was a shame and it showed. Now is not the time to be resting on laurels. High school grades and scores mean nothing once you land in college. Where you attend college is everything for a while.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please be kind. No snark. If you cannot help, please ignore this thread.

My anxiety level is so high that I have no idea what to do next. How do you keep your sanity as a parent?

My kid has done exceedingly well and has done his part. Top notch GPA, course rigor, SAT scores, APs, ECs, accolades. Now what? I don't want to be the weakest link on his team but I think that's exactly what I am. What are we supposed to do next? Are we supposed to do something as parents? Make a list? Reach out to colleges? Schedule college visits for 15+ colleges? He is currently doing a full time internship and has hardly any time, while we are dealing with a lot of health issues with relatives and I think we will drop the ball. The whole month of June has gone without us doing anything for college admission.

Please talk me off the ledge and give me a breakdown of what we should do (in small doable weekly chunks). Oh, I have also started my medication (Zoloft) because I need to calm down. How important is it to do a tour of colleges?

If budget allows, do yourself and your child a favor by hiring a college admission counselor. I usually am not one who would pay for services like this. But for you it is essential to get you through the next 10 months or even a year, if your kid ends up on WL.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is sad.

Not one person, or even the OP, asked where the young man wants to go. I guarantee he has a favorite college, and it's probably not Harvard or Yale, probably not close. Maybe it's clutch-the-pearls the state flagship he already knows peers at and he could easily get into. For shame!

But a nutty status-obsessed striver mom has to blow this entire process so out of proportion that she admits she's popping pills.
The young man is nearly 18 years old, has strong stats, and has a full-time job. There's nothing for you to obsess over. It's not difficult for a self-motivated teen to apply to college, especially if you're UMC as no need for financial aid forms cuts off about 75% of the app paperwork.

He'll get in somewhere good to great and you'll (hopefully) look back at this and your unhealthy sad obsession with bragging rights and status with embarrassment and shame.

PP, you know what? First of all, thank you so much for coming on this thread on page 3 and not before. It is a clear signal that a hefty chunk of good advice has already been posted. Now, I have some to-dos and some food for thought.

Calling me a "nutty status-obsessed striver mom" is like a warm embrace of acceptance that I am indeed a DMV/DCUM native having a perfectly normal DMV/DCUM freakout and totally deserving of not being handled with care.
😘

Got it. You're a troll and all of this is a lie.

[Anonymous]

Needing to go on Zoloft because you're melting down over your kid applying to college has got to be a new level of idiocy on DCUM. This could be up there with lightly fried and spiced tuna, maroon washcloths, and the pine cone lady.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hop over to college confidential where there are already some applicants in CS asking readers to chance them, or estimate their chances of getting into various colleges. You’ll probably be able to stack your child’s stats against the posted applicants. If you have some extra time read Jeff Selingo(sp?) book on the college application process. It may make it more transparent to you what happens.

Best of luck to you, your son worked hard all these years.

If you become stressed easily, I would avoid blogs like College Confidential.

[Anonymous]

Best way to relieve stress is find a safety or solid match they love - rest is a piece of cake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Needing to go on Zoloft because you're melting down over your kid applying to college has got to be a new level of idiocy on DCUM. This could be up there with lightly fried and spiced tuna, maroon washcloths, and the pine cone lady.

Wow, I hope your kid never develops mental illness!

To say that you are unenlightened would be a "new level" of understatement.

Anxiety that requires medication is not "idiocy." It means that OP gets overwhelmed by things that people without anxiety can cope with.

You should really take a breath and examine how you relate to other people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Best way to relieve stress is find a safety or solid match they love - rest is a piece of cake.

Ita

[Anonymous]

OP use 3-3-3. Match, safety, reach. Try at least one private in the hopes of aid. Our foreign friends used world rankings and ended up at U Indiana (I think ) for CS.

[Anonymous]

Read "College Is Yours 2.0" by Patrick O'Connor, PhD.

He was head of the national college counselors group for several years. His book is short, sweet, funny and is good at getting everyone to just calm down.

It's on Amazon; I think the newest edition comes out next month.

[Anonymous]

I would be honest with your child - sit down and say this is really unfamiliar to us - and we are going to do our best to figure this out together. We are going to make some mistakes - but there is not only 1 right answer.

Ask a friend for help - we helped the child of the woman who helps us around the house. [A co-worker / mentor at some EC your child is involved with]

Best of luck with this journey

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is sad.

Not one person, or even the OP, asked where the young man wants to go. I guarantee he has a favorite college, and it's probably not Harvard or Yale, probably not close. Maybe it's clutch-the-pearls the state flagship he already knows peers at and he could easily get into. For shame!

But a nutty status-obsessed striver mom has to blow this entire process so out of proportion that she admits she's popping pills.

The young man is nearly 18 years old, has strong stats, and has a full-time job. There's nothing for you to obsess over. It's not difficult for a self-motivated teen to apply to college, especially if you're UMC as no need for financial aid forms cuts off about 75% of the app paperwork.

He'll get in somewhere good to great and you'll (hopefully) look back at this and your unhealthy sad obsession with bragging rights and status with embarrassment and shame.

Because most 16 year olds don't know this or their preference is based on random information, not real research.

[Anonymous]

OP, one of the best ways you can help your son through this process is what you're already doing: manage your own anxiety. Whatever you can do toward that end will benefit both of you immeasurably. A somewhat anxious friend used the technique of limiting college conversations to a weekly family meeting with a set time and day. Other than that, she only talked to her son about college when he initiated conversations. Your son is going to be surrounded by college talk at school; try to make home a place where he can escape that and gets the clear message that you love him and believe in him and know he will learn, make friends and pursue his interests with energy and enthusiasm wherever he goes to college -- because he already has shown that he can do this.

[Anonymous]

He can also continue with his medical providers.

Kind of important information not mentioned in your initial post.