Received Disturbing Text on Shared Phone; How to Handle?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do NOT instigate with this person. Block the number. If the person comes back from a different number then once again report to the police, and block the new number. Under no circumstances should you retaliate or threaten or provoke this person.

Can you explain this?

As suggested by someone already on the thread, read the de Becker book (The Gift of Fear). It will give you a lot better information than I can in a paragraph. He runs a world-renowned security firm and does a lot of work with high visibility clients. Basically he says that a lot of people like OP's texter will will escalate their behaviors if you respond to them. Conversely he says that if you ignore them they may escalate for a bit but then they will move their fixation on to someone or something else. He gives a lot of examples of how people have responded to people like OP's texter and how it has resulted in an increasingly negative series of outcomes.

We have had all of our kids read the book once they were teens. It is an easy read with good suggestions about how to recognize the warning signals from people who are potential stalkers and he gives advice about what to do or not do.

omg I have to chime in here because I met Gavin de Becker (before his book) while doing work on stalking legislation. He said to me, "If you are telling someone you don't want to speak to them again, you are sending mixed signals because you are speaking to them and saying you don't want to speak to them. So, if you don't want to speak to someone again, just stop speaking to them"
I think that's PPs point

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do NOT instigate with this person. Block the number. If the person comes back from a different number then once again report to the police, and block the new number. Under no circumstances should you retaliate or threaten or provoke this person.

Can you explain this?

As suggested by someone already on the thread, read the de Becker book (The Gift of Fear). It will give you a lot better information than I can in a paragraph. He runs a world-renowned security firm and does a lot of work with high visibility clients. Basically he says that a lot of people like OP's texter will will escalate their behaviors if you respond to them. Conversely he says that if you ignore them they may escalate for a bit but then they will move their fixation on to someone or something else. He gives a lot of examples of how people have responded to people like OP's texter and how it has resulted in an increasingly negative series of outcomes.

We have had all of our kids read the book once they were teens. It is an easy read with good suggestions about how to recognize the warning signals from people who are potential stalkers and he gives advice about what to do or not do.

omg I have to chime in here because I met Gavin de Becker (before his book) while doing work on stalking legislation. He said to me, "If you are telling someone you don't want to speak to them again, you are sending mixed signals because you are speaking to them and saying you don't want to speak to them. So, if you don't want to speak to someone again, just stop speaking to them"
I think that's PPs point

That is cool that you met him and what he said to you is exactly the type of guidance he gives in his book!

In the book he also talks about how stalkers and predators are really good at identifying who they pursue - the people who act more according to social mores and ignore the tingling at the back of their neck saying "this isn't safe." I am paraphrasing badly but it was a good lesson for me to hear because I usually would rather cut off my foot than ignore someone. My husband read the book and gave it to me because of that. Now I can give myself "permission" to be "rude" if I feel threatened in some types of situations where I might otherwise feel obligated to respond.

[Anonymous]

Get off the TikTok and do not let your child use it. Block the number.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to treat this as a crisis with your kid. He clearly gave the number to someone that he was talking to about important personal stuff. That person took his trust and twisted it into something sinister. By involving the police, you’ve dealt with that. But something is still going on with your kid that this happened at all.

+1 I agree.

Agree. Your son may have reached out to someone and doesn’t want to admit it or tell you. Tread lightly so your aim is not embarrassed or forced to discuss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get off the TikTok and do not let your child use it. Block the number.

This. Only grossly naive parents allow their kids to use TikTok.

[Anonymous]

Change the number. Call your cell provider, explain that you are receiving threatening calls, and they will change the number for no fee.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 7th grade DS does not have his own phone yet, so he often uses mine for communicating with friends, playing games and watching Tik Tok videos. Through some outlet no doubt related to one of these, he (I) received a text from a person identifying himself as a doctor and encouraging my son to talk to him in confidence about "coming out." (There is more to the text but I will spare those details here.) I responded with a note asking who this is, and the person came back with DS's name, adding that "your mother asked me to talk to you."

I did a check of the phone number and nothing comes up.

How would you handle this? Should it be reported to the police?

Thanks for any guidance.

I was thinking it could be a kid of not an adult trying to help. All of our kids phones are under our names so if you looked up their number it would say our name. Meaning a kid could have sent it not it shows as their parents phone.