I didn't have school from 7th to 12th grade due to war. AMA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for posting, OP, and putting things in perspective. I’m sorry for what you and your family went through. My SIL (husbands brothers wife) is Bosniak and was a child during the war. her family managed to leave Bosnia for Croatia and then left Croatia for the US so they were not in Bosnia during the war but she grew up as a refugee and I think has a lot of trauma from that (though she never talks about it.) I often feel ashamed of any times I’ve complained about aspects of my life that have been difficult because I realize it’s nothing compared to what she (or countless others around the world) went through.

I don't normally talk about it either. I don't want to sound like I'm lecturing people and comparing hardships. This was meant to be a post to comfort people and let them know that it is possible to come out successful after much harder hardship than we are experiencing now.

I never minimize anyone's pain. We all go through struggles in life and it's pointless to compare the pain we might be feeling.

What do you think was the most important thing that kept you going/inspired to learn during the war?

I was a teenager so I can't say that I was completely focused on any future plans. We were just trying to survive day by day. I read to escape but I definitely developed depression during that time. The kids from the neighborhood would get together in the basement or in an ally and we'd play the guitar and sing. We tried to be normal teenagers as much as we could.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for posting, OP, and putting things in perspective. I’m sorry for what you and your family went through. My SIL (husbands brothers wife) is Bosniak and was a child during the war. her family managed to leave Bosnia for Croatia and then left Croatia for the US so they were not in Bosnia during the war but she grew up as a refugee and I think has a lot of trauma from that (though she never talks about it.) I often feel ashamed of any times I’ve complained about aspects of my life that have been difficult because I realize it’s nothing compared to what she (or countless others around the world) went through.

I don't normally talk about it either. I don't want to sound like I'm lecturing people and comparing hardships. This was meant to be a post to comfort people and let them know that it is possible to come out successful after much harder hardship than we are experiencing now.

I never minimize anyone's pain. We all go through struggles in life and it's pointless to compare the pain we might be feeling.

It really does help keep things in perspective. Everyone has struggles and you’re right it’s pointless to compare pain. It’s not a contest but it is important for people who grew up with a lot of privilege and who are fortunate to not have actual trauma in their past to realize how good they have it compared to many in the world. To be grateful for what we have and not take it for granted.

[Anonymous]

How are your parents doing now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How are your parents doing now?

My mother is here with me and I think she has had untreated depression her whole life. My father died in 2003 in his 50s due to decades of alcoholism. I think he was also depressed and self-medicating.

[Anonymous]

I'm a PP who posted that my parents were like OP.

I'll be honest, though, I think what our kids are going through today is nothing like what people like OP and my parents went through.

When you go through something that difficult, it makes you resilient, and because you hungered for an education during the unrest, when you got that opportunity, you relished in it.

I don't think what our kids are going through is the same. They still have opportunity, though it's not ideal. Even though covid is horrible, and many are suffering, it's nothing like what refugees go through (my dad told me a bit of what he went through, and holy crap... it was terrifying, and I can't imagine my DCs going through that).

Now, if the point of OP's post is that even if your child misses some portion of being educated in their younger years, it's not the end of the world for them academically, then I whole heartedly agree with OP. But, IMO, it's not about the fact that they are missing some years, but about how much the individual *wants* to learn. If your kid wants to do well in school and get an education, that will happen regardless of what is happening with covid. Unlike when people like OP and my parents missed their education, most of our kids today have access to information literally at their fingertips. The problem is, most don't have that drive. I include my kids in that bucket. They'd rather play on their computer than use it for educational purposes.

[Anonymous]

That's great OP. My grandmother dropped out of school in the 7th-8th grade due to WWII. She never finished but she taught herself two other languages, immigrated here and bought a home with my grandfather. Her 6 kids all finished college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How are your parents doing now?

My mother is here with me and I think she has had untreated depression her whole life. My father died in 2003 in his 50s due to decades of alcoholism. I think he was also depressed and self-medicating.

Did they seek help? Not saying "oh they should do this" or criticize in any way but I'm genuinely curious what their views are on getting professional help since I personally come from a culture/religion where people don't like to seek help even if many of them have experienced horrible trauma.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How are your parents doing now?

My mother is here with me and I think she has had untreated depression her whole life. My father died in 2003 in his 50s due to decades of alcoholism. I think he was also depressed and self-medicating.

Did they seek help? Not saying "oh they should do this" or criticize in any way but I'm genuinely curious what their views are on getting professional help since I personally come from a culture/religion where people don't like to seek help even if many of them have experienced horrible trauma.

No, neither of them saught help, unfortunately. My mother just recently told me that I should have "pushed through" my depression and not gotten on antidepressants. I know better, of course, but they are definitely of a generation/culture that doesn't take mental illness seriously.

[Anonymous]

OP you are amazing!

Question: Do you think that reading a lot served as a substitute for your education during those years? I encourage my kids to read a lot

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a PP who posted that my parents were like OP.

I'll be honest, though, I think what our kids are going through today is nothing like what people like OP and my parents went through.

When you go through something that difficult, it makes you resilient, and because you hungered for an education during the unrest, when you got that opportunity, you relished in it.

I don't think what our kids are going through is the same. They still have opportunity, though it's not ideal. Even though covid is horrible, and many are suffering, it's nothing like what refugees go through (my dad told me a bit of what he went through, and holy crap... it was terrifying, and I can't imagine my DCs going through that).

Now, if the point of OP's post is that even if your child misses some portion of being educated in their younger years, it's not the end of the world for them academically, then I whole heartedly agree with OP. But, IMO, it's not about the fact that they are missing some years, but about how much the individual *wants* to learn. If your kid wants to do well in school and get an education, that will happen regardless of what is happening with covid. Unlike when people like OP and my parents missed their education, most of our kids today have access to information literally at their fingertips. The problem is, most don't have that drive. I include my kids in that bucket. They'd rather play on their computer than use it for educational purposes.

Absolutely! I completely agree with everything you said but especially that people who go through major trauma like I did crave normalcy and school and structure provide that when it's all over.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are just who we need to hear from right now.

Your story reminds me of when I had a new kindergartener who I had raised with care and affection and so much worry and planning... and then one day a boy came into his class who had moved here straight from a Russian orphanage. He had some struggles with language and behavior early on, but he’s an awesome kid. Somehow I had thought the only way to have an awesome kid was to guide him every single step of the way, and I was wrong.

Parents in the US who have so much have fallen into a rut of thinking “we have to do everything just right” to have perfect kids. It’s a trap. Because something is bound to pull us off balance, and when it does we need the tools to cope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you are amazing!

Question: Do you think that reading a lot served as a substitute for your education during those years? I encourage my kids to read a lot

Of course, in part, but it depends on what you read as well. I read a lot of fiction because as I said it served as an escape from reality. I also read a lot of the Russian and German classics during that time which served me well later in college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are just who we need to hear from right now.

Your story reminds me of when I had a new kindergartener who I had raised with care and affection and so much worry and planning... and then one day a boy came into his class who had moved here straight from a Russian orphanage. He had some struggles with language and behavior early on, but he’s an awesome kid. Somehow I had thought the only way to have an awesome kid was to guide him every single step of the way, and I was wrong.

Parents in the US who have so much have fallen into a rut of thinking “we have to do everything just right” to have perfect kids. It’s a trap. Because something is bound to pull us off balance, and when it does we need the tools to cope.

I would also venture to say that parents feel responsible for either putting their kids on the path to college and success. I am of firm belief that the best we can do is not stand in the way of kids who have the natural drive. It's hard for us to accept that as parents, but ambition and drive is not something you can teach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Generally what happened to people your age? Do most of them have a college degree?

No, of course not. I think our response to think will be far more important than what is going on now in terms of education. A lot of the youth fled the country after the war looking for some normalcy and better opportunities. I personally was not able to leave Sarajevo during the war because it was under siege the whole time. Just like in normal times, some kids had the advantage of natural curiosity and the ability to go to college and others did not.

For those that stayed what percentage are happy/successful?

What percentage went to college?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you an exception? What happened to your classmates?

I don't think I'm the exception at all. Among those of us who had the drive and the ambition to go to college, we did. The rest of my generation who didn't want to go to college are doing other things now. But I do not think that any of us who wanted to continue our education was not able to due to missed time. What happens at home is extremely important too. Have your kids read A LOT. Talk about all sorts of subjects. Develop curiosity within them.

That seems highly narrow minded.

So people with dyslexic kids should say... read A LOT?

So a small percentage of people you know actually got an education.