My “issues” and my marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I also have a spouse with bad anxiety. It’s exhausting to deal with and has killed our marriage. I sucked it up for years but I’m just so tired of constantly being yelled at and blamed for everything, then 10 minutes later getting an apology with the excuse of “my anxiety”. At this point I don’t even want an apology because I know it’s going to happen again the next day (but if I don’t accept an apology, his anxiety gets worse and he blows up). I’ve had to become dismissive to protect my own sanity, and everyone sees me as a very cold, distant wife, but if I didn’t do it I’d go crazy.

What kills me is he CAN control himself. He’s very high functioning at work, and everyone would be shocked to hear he has a problem. He knows that if he behaved at work the way he does at home, he’d be fired. But since I’m his spouse, I’m expected to just take it. The one person who I feel is on my side is our marriage counselor, who flat out told me I need to divorce him because he’s not going change.

Try to treat your husband with the same kindness and empathy you expect from him. You’re not the only one struggling.

+1000. Well said. Another wife of someone suffering from mental illness for YEARS with no end in sight. Caretakers get tired too. It’s not just about you 100% of the time.

[Anonymous]

Having anxiety doesn't excuse abusive behavior, like needlessly yelling at people. It would be one thing if he needed an extra hug or a little bit of hand-holding every now and then, but lashing out at you shouldn't be a part of that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have serious serious issues with any person, especially one who supposedly loved me, saying "You are f*ing crazy!" to me, under any circumstances. Unless maybe I was coming at him with a knife or threw my kid off a bridge. Anything less than that, TOTALLY unacceptable!

Sounds like the spouse has reached their limit and lost their temper. It's not easy being a person with mental illness and just as difficult for their spouse except the spouse is suppose to be a saint and not complain, be supportive, understanding, patient, etc.

Living with crazy is hard. Give them some slack.

Your spouse is doing the best they can so if that isn’t good enough for you get a divorce.