Children Inheriting Large Sums of Money

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is not dead yet, so take a deep breath and realize that she might change her mind thousand times more. This just makes you look money grabbing, and like you are trying to take the money for yourself. Have your mom talk to her about seeing a lawyer and how to ensure no none can touch the money. And if this really happens with the relative and all, hope for the best, as you have no control over any of it, and if it happens it happens and if it doesn't, oh well. You sounds as difficult as your aunt, honestly.

Sorry, how do I look money grubbing? Did you read my post? I want her to leave it to someone else and to leave me and my kids alone. I’ve told her this. We are frankly and luckily not in need of it as we have successful high paying careers that we like and have lived within our means. We least of all need it with the circumstances attached to it. I’ve gone so far as to talk to my estate planning attorney to find out if there’s some way to prevent her from leaving it to my kids.

If you are quite wealthy as it is, then why even worry about this at all? If your kids are like any rich kids in the DMV, trust me they will be spoiled and entitled no matter what. It sounded in your OP like if she doesn't leave you in charge of it, then you don't want it. Hence my conclusion.

Goodness - that wasn’t my intention at all. My first preference is that she leave it to one of her other nephews or great nephews. My second preference is that if she leaves it to my kids, it be in some sort of responsible way, not a pile of cash at 18. As for who manages it, l am uncomfortable with the distant cousin for all of the reasons the poster above identifies and because I don’t know him at all much less his money management experience. I’d rather a third party fiduciary if she’s not comfortable with me. But again I’m not at all saying put me in charge or else.

The whole thing makes me really uncomfortable for reasons I guess I can’t really explain. It all just feels wrong. I don’t like her. I don’t think she’s a good person. It feels strange for my kids to be getting money from someone I really have problems with. And I don’t understand why she is fixated on me and my kids. She has other nephews and nieces. They haven’t spoken to her in decades because of her antics, but I don’t talk to her at this point either and she’s made clear she doesn’t approve of me. So why?

As for us being wealthy. We are well off but this is a different order of magnitude. Moreover, though I hear you about this area, that’s not how we live or are raising our kids. We live modestly. I’m something of an environmental nut so we really limit the needless consumption and buying of stuff. Live in a smallish place and a simple lifestyle. The money is security not for luxury and consumption. That’s how we hope to raise our kids. This obviously would through a wrench in it possibly. I don’t know.

Maybe I am worrying too much. Again the whole thing makes me really uncomfortable. I just don’t like it. It feels wrong.

Hmmm. OP, I wonder if she is manipulating everyone? You seem estranged/distant from mrs tof your family - the distant cousin with three kids of his own. How do you know this aunt isn't also telling distant cousin his kids will get all the money and you will be the trustee?

At this point, given what you've said, I don't think you can trust anything. Aunt sounds like she is getting exactly the reaction she wants - flustering and upsetting you. So you really have no idea on several levels what is really going on here. So my advice is not to worry about it. She wants you to jump and kowtow to her. Don't jump. Don't do anything - oh really? THat's so nice of you. Drop it entirely. She's got you playing her game. Stop playing and maybe she'll stop.

This. OP, you're trying to control the situation as much as your aunt. This money might go to your kids, and if it does, they'll be adults one day and you have no idea what they would want at that point. Just stop playing the game and ignore the money. Deflect your aunt's attempts to engage you over this and just move on with your life as if this potential inheritance didn't exist.