Denies it’s his child

[Anonymous]

Op here, I live in Los Angeles

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I am 6 months pregnant. He makes 6-7 figures every year and I am stuck with $72 k salary. I do need the help financially because I have horrible loans from grad school. I am in California. I do believe my child is entitled to be supported from me and the father. I do plan on putting his name in the birth certificate but he will take my last name. If he wants visitation that’s fine, I would want him to be in his child’s life. At the end of the day, I can’t make him though.

You won’t be able to just “put his name” on the birth certificate unless you are married or he agrees to sign an “acknowledgment of paternity” in the hospital. You’ll need to go to court after the child is born to file for support and ask for a DNA test to prove paternity to get him on the birth certificate. It’s a long process but he will eventually be required to pay support if the DNA test proves its his kid.

[Anonymous]

Were you in a long term monogamous relationship with him?

Had you discussed having children with him? Did he know you wanted a child?

Why does he think this isn't his child? I assume he thinks that was being prevented? Did he use condoms?

That said there have been many cases where women have said that a certain man is 100% the father until te DNA show he isn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I am 6 months pregnant. He makes 6-7 figures every year and I am stuck with $72 k salary. I do need the help financially because I have horrible loans from grad school. I am in California. I do believe my child is entitled to be supported from me and the father. I do plan on putting his name in the birth certificate but he will take my last name. If he wants visitation that’s fine, I would want him to be in his child’s life. At the end of the day, I can’t make him though.

You won’t be able to just “put his name” on the birth certificate unless you are married or he agrees to sign an “acknowledgment of paternity” in the hospital. You’ll need to go to court after the child is born to file for support and ask for a DNA test to prove paternity to get him on the birth certificate. It’s a long process but he will eventually be required to pay support if the DNA test proves its his kid.

This!
Unless he is physically present at the hospital when you give birth and signs a declaration of paternity in front of the hospital worker who is in charge of recording the birth information his name will NOT be listed on the birth certificate. You would then have to file a case at your local child support office (you can start the paperwork now but they won't open a case until the baby is born and the dad refuses to sign the declaration of paternity. The child support office then has the court order DNA tests. If he is the father only then does the birth certificate get amended and the father's name is added.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I am 6 months pregnant. He makes 6-7 figures every year and I am stuck with $72 k salary. I do need the help financially because I have horrible loans from grad school. I am in California. I do believe my child is entitled to be supported from me and the father. I do plan on putting his name in the birth certificate but he will take my last name. If he wants visitation that’s fine, I would want him to be in his child’s life. At the end of the day, I can’t make him though.

You won’t be able to just “put his name” on the birth certificate unless you are married or he agrees to sign an “acknowledgment of paternity” in the hospital. You’ll need to go to court after the child is born to file for support and ask for a DNA test to prove paternity to get him on the birth certificate. It’s a long process but he will eventually be required to pay support if the DNA test proves its his kid.

This. It may be a rather lengthy process but you will be raising your child for the next 18 years. He needs to support his child.

It doesn't sound as though you know each other very well and he may have legitimate doubts as to whether or not he is the father of your baby. Maybe he's in denial. Whatever. Have the court order the paternity test. Once that's settled he can either be in his own child's life or not but at least your child will have the benefit of paternal support payments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No judgment please just need some advice.

My baby’s father denies the baby is his and even suggested I had been with multiple men and he can’t be sure it’s his. Do I have any rights legally? Can I claim child support? How do I do that anyway? I know with 100% certainty he is the father. Maybe after the DNA test he’ll want to be involved? Anyone in similar situations?

This was my husband 18 years ago. The baby could not be his. He also threatened to "make the baby motherless" if I filed for divorce. Since I was new to the country he said that if a disappeared no one would know it.

And you married him?!?

+1 I had the same thought.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I am 6 months pregnant. He makes 6-7 figures every year and I am stuck with $72 k salary. I do need the help financially because I have horrible loans from grad school. I am in California. I do believe my child is entitled to be supported from me and the father. I do plan on putting his name in the birth certificate but he will take my last name. If he wants visitation that’s fine, I would want him to be in his child’s life. At the end of the day, I can’t make him though.

It's not his job to pay your student loans. It is his job to support his child. It is also your job to support your child. Don't get too hung up on his income because he might have student loans or other financial obligations that you are not aware of. Maybe he has other children that you aren't aware of.

Take care of yourself, Op. Have a healthy pregnancy, get paternity established through the courts and the rest will fall into place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Were you in a long term monogamous relationship with him?

Had you discussed having children with him? Did he know you wanted a child?

Why does he think this isn't his child? I assume he thinks that was being prevented? Did he use condoms?

That said there have been many cases where women have said that a certain man is 100% the father until te DNA show he isn't.

None of this matters. She should get a DNA test and get child support if it's his child.

[Anonymous]

OP, get the child support. It's for your child, not for you. He will always have the right to have custody whether or not you've asked for money. They are separate issues.

Get the money for your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Welfare and food stamps on 72k? Who is fear mongering now.

OP is not a victim.

For a two-person household in coastal California (where OP lives) that does qualify for state aid. In DC if you have a household of four people and an income of $100,000! or less you can qualify for subsidized housing.

In other words, welfare and food stamps.

No. I too raised my family on the California coast. 72k in Southern California is not below the poverty line, it's more than 200% over the poverty line and she does not warrant benefits.

************************************

Most households must have a total gross monthly income less than or equal to 200% of the federal poverty level, to be potentially eligible for CalFresh (SNAP).

For October 1, 2017 through September 30, 2018, the monthly income limits are:

People in Household Gross Monthly Income
2 $2,708

= $32,496 gross annual income for a family of 2. Even at a 200% mark up the total is $64,992.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Welfare and food stamps on 72k? Who is fear mongering now.

OP is not a victim.

For a two-person household in coastal California (where OP lives) that does qualify for state aid. In DC if you have a household of four people and an income of $100,000! or less you can qualify for subsidized housing.

In other words, welfare and food stamps.

No. I too raised my family on the California coast. 72k in Southern California is not below the poverty line, it's more than 200% over the poverty line and she does not warrant benefits.

************************************

Most households must have a total gross monthly income less than or equal to 200% of the federal poverty level, to be potentially eligible for CalFresh (SNAP).

For October 1, 2017 through September 30, 2018, the monthly income limits are:

People in Household Gross Monthly Income
2 $2,708

= $32,496 gross annual income for a family of 2. Even at a 200% mark up the total is $64,992.

No, she does not qualify for state aid. Even if she did, the counties actively look for parents who are not supporting their children in an effort to defray welfare budgets, so its doesn't matter either way.

[Anonymous]

PP again-
Federal poverty level for a family of two is $16,460. California gives a 200% allowance, so OP would have to make less than 32k per year to be eligible.

She makes more that 400% of the poverty level. There is no county in California that would afford her benefits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I am 6 months pregnant. He makes 6-7 figures every year and I am stuck with $72 k salary. I do need the help financially because I have horrible loans from grad school. I am in California. I do believe my child is entitled to be supported from me and the father. I do plan on putting his name in the birth certificate but he will take my last name. If he wants visitation that’s fine, I would want him to be in his child’s life. At the end of the day, I can’t make him though.

At that level of income it's almost a certainty he will sue for 50% custody. Cheaper to have 50% custody and have a full time nanny than give up primary custody.

What does his income level matter in a child support case when its clear he's never co-habitated with the mother, the child isn't used to a 'certain level' of QOL because it never lived with his father, and the mother has no legal ties to the father?

Would child support really be calculated for the full breadth of his income level for a 'casual' sexual relationship?

Yes, that's generally how it works in most states. BTW I wasn't fear mongering, I'm a lawyer and that's what I would advise him to do if he truly does make that much money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, OP hasn’t said anything about poverty. And the concern about having to share custody is a valid one, along with the chikd’s experience while with the dad. As is the concern about what OPs child will feel down the road if she (1) forces a crappy dad to be at least nominally in the picture or (2) lets the dad drift away. Lots to think about here besides just the money.

OP, is the father on the birth certificate? What state are you in? Are you hoping that the father will want to be with you once he accepts that the baby is his?

Keep in mind people can behave differently about the idea of a baby versus the actual baby. Hopefully that's the case.
But this poster has a point. Don't talk with him, see an attorney and discuss your options. If you were local, I would recommend the Women's center which give free legal seminars about custody. Maybe you have something similar there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Were you in a long term monogamous relationship with him?

Had you discussed having children with him? Did he know you wanted a child?

Why does he think this isn't his child? I assume he thinks that was being prevented? Did he use condoms?

That said there have been many cases where women have said that a certain man is 100% the father until te DNA show he isn't.

Op here. I am certain he is the father because we were in relationship for a year and half. He has been the only person I have been with in over 2 years. So uhhh yea he’s the father