What did your parents do right in the teen years?

[Anonymous]

Freedom. They did the parenting heavy lifting when we were younger (fun, loving but fairly strict parents) so by the time I hit high school I had a lot of freedom, no curfew, could drink freely at home, that sort of thing. It was great to know my parents trusted me and on the occasions when I did screw-up (nothing serious) I could talk to them about it rather than having to hide it. They never freaked out about drinking or sex or any of that stuff, just left the door wide open for me (and siblings) to come to them with questions, concerns, and the like.

Four kids of different temperaments, no drug problems, no alcohol problems, no jail time, all happily married, employed, raising families, and still close with them. So they must have done something right.

[Anonymous]

Taught me how to talk to adults so that I could approach them directly with questions and advocate for myself when I had concerns. For example, when I had a disagreement with a teacher, my parents helped me figure out how to discuss it with the teacher and resolve it without direct parental intervention.

I knew they always had my back if I needed them, but most of the time I was able to resolve issues on my own. This prepared me to resolve problems and advocate for myself as an adult, a skill that I observed in my early jobs many of my peers didn’t have. It’s been integral in my ability to carve out a successful and satisfying career while maintaining good work-life balance; more generally, it has contributed to a general feeling of agency and self-determination in my life.

Although it’s particularly important for teenagers, I’ve worked on this skill with my own kids from pretty early in elementary school—where appropriate, I help them figure out how to talk to adults about their questions and concerns.

[Anonymous]

My parents always went out of their way to make us feel loved and appreciated. Not TOO far out of their way, but little things like my Dad leaving me a note on my pillow expressing how proud he was of me for Xyz, my Mom coming home from the store with something “I knew you would love this so I just HAD to buy it!!”, always making sure there was at least one thing for dinner that we liked.

[Anonymous]

My parents were very strict, sometimes to a fault.

BUT ... they provided me a loose leash on certain things, like curfews, as long as they more or less knew where I was an who I was with.

My dad was an awesome driving teacher.

My mom made sure we were well nourished and got a decent amount of sleep.

She asked a lot of questions, which I often bristled against at the time, but now I know that it laid a good foundation for the times I REALLY needed to talk to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not my mother but my stepmother. My Stepmother truly listened to me without judgement. I would feel tense talking to my parents but would feel my body relax when I spoke to my stepmom. She was would ask questions to better understand my issue/problem and would guide me to the solution. She also was easy to laugh and praised me for things specifically - like how hard I studied for a test or long I worked on a paper. She let me make mistakes and would tell me she honestly didn;t know what lessons I needed to learn from them. I am smiling as I write this - she was pretty fricking amazing.

She is still one of my best friends and has given me more guidance as a new mother than my own mother (although I love my own mother).

Sounds amazing. Really all teens want is love and attention.

[Anonymous]

I wish I could answer this one well, but I just cannot. I think my parents had me too young (early 20s) and really didn't want kids until much later (early 40s) when they had more children. I think I was the bad template and the later kids were the success stories.

[Anonymous]

My mom was very laid-back, didn't sweat the small stuff, and let us be kids. She was a lot of fun, and we laughed a lot. I have modeled that with my own children, and if my three adult sons are any indication, it has worked well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the main thing my parents did right was to know me well enough to understand how best to supervise me. That meant that they did not impose many hard and fast "rules" (like curfews) and they recognized that they could trust my judgment. Because they did, I developed even better judgment. A different sort of kid would have required a different sort of parenting.

I think this is the very best approach.

me too. i was such a good kid i didn't require serious supervision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the main thing my parents did right was to know me well enough to understand how best to supervise me. That meant that they did not impose many hard and fast "rules" (like curfews) and they recognized that they could trust my judgment. Because they did, I developed even better judgment. A different sort of kid would have required a different sort of parenting.

My parents were similar. I had to let them know where I was and when I would be home; the issue wasn’t sticking to a specific curfew but rather ensuring that they knew what was going on. They knew I respected them, and in turn they respected me and my judgment.