Longfellow Bullying, etc?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: This gets at a post I started in the general school section and people disagreed. Bullying is a RED FLAG IMO for emotional disturbance and the kid needs to be identified and sent for help. It could be the child is a victim too. It could be the child has poor sense of empathy or even is showing signs of a personality disorder. The victim may be the identified patient, but the truly disturbed person is the bully. It is not a sign of being strong, it is a sign of emotional disorder. It is beyond comprehension that you take victims out of class for a group. Maybe support the victims in a lunch group, but miss class? Meanwhile get on the case of the families of bullies until they get help and take it seriously. Society is changing and your little bully may no longer have the potential to be a CEO. Now he may end up like a shunned loser like all the people getting taken down recently.

I agree. In a bullying case, the school admin. needs to immediately do the following:
1) Validate the victim. Tell him/her that they were indeed being bullied and that the behavior of the bully is unacceptable - period. Impress onto the victim that the bully will be dealt with. The victim should not have to miss class for any kind of "mediation" BS.
2) Deal with the bully. Haul him/her into the principal's office, call the parents, guidance counselor, etc. Agree on punishment. There need to be immediate consequences - suspension, apologizing to victim, etc.
3) Then, and only then, should more investigation into the bully's background, home life, etc. be undertaken. Certainly, some bullies come from homes that foster that kind of behavior. But more often than not, as another PP pointed out, bullies are just run-of-the-mill assholes. If it turns out there are larger issues, then therapy needs to be set up for the bully. But if not, the parents need to get on board and admit what their child has done and agree to work with the school to prevent it from ever happening again.
4) The bully needs to be told that s/he will be suspended or even expelled if the bullying continues, or if any of the bully's friends take retribution on the victim. And then the school needs to actually FOLLOW THROUGH.

Nope. In many cases the aggressor may actually be the student who has been harassed, which is why the more holistic approach makes sense.

Nope. The "aggressor" - bully - needs to face consequences immediately. Regardless of the bully's background story, s/he needs to realize bullying is unacceptable. After that, admin can get to the bottom of their behavior and see if therapy/intervention is warranted. The victim needs to see the bully face consequences. Period.

Fortunately, you aren’t establishing or administering the policy. Easy for some parent sure her own kid could only be a victim to decide who should be labeled a “bully” and disciplined. Not so simple for those who actually want to mentor adolescents. Period.

Ah, I see. You're one of those parents who refuses to believe other kids when they say your kid has bullied them. Or maybe you're one of those abysmal admins who won't believe a child who says s/he has been bullied. You probably insist the victim and the bully get together during lunch and "talk it out," and then you ask the victim what he or she could have done differently to prevent "antagonizing" the bully. Save us all from admins like you.

I guess the kid who slammed my child into the lockers and then grabbed my child by the neck wasn't a bully, right? It was probably my own child's fault, come to think of it. But you go ahead and "mentor" the poor child who did this.

I think administrators need to deal with physical aggression on its own terms first. But if it turned out, for example, that your kid had insulted the other kid first with racial slurs or the like, that should have consequences, too.

In any event, dealing with behaviors and honoring due process is more important than slapping labels like "victim" and "bully" on kids who are 12 to 14.

To the extent that any of this has to do with Longfellow (which is one of the safest middle schools in the county), the pledge that the school asks each student to affirm gets it right: "I am responsible for my own actions. No one makes me do what I have to do. If my work is poorly done, it is my responsibility to improve. If I misbehave, it is my responsibility to correct my behavior. It is time for me to stop blaming others for the way I act and start taking responsibility for my actions. I am who I am because of the choices I make. Responsibility is the key to my success."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: This gets at a post I started in the general school section and people disagreed. Bullying is a RED FLAG IMO for emotional disturbance and the kid needs to be identified and sent for help. It could be the child is a victim too. It could be the child has poor sense of empathy or even is showing signs of a personality disorder. The victim may be the identified patient, but the truly disturbed person is the bully. It is not a sign of being strong, it is a sign of emotional disorder. It is beyond comprehension that you take victims out of class for a group. Maybe support the victims in a lunch group, but miss class? Meanwhile get on the case of the families of bullies until they get help and take it seriously. Society is changing and your little bully may no longer have the potential to be a CEO. Now he may end up like a shunned loser like all the people getting taken down recently.

I agree. In a bullying case, the school admin. needs to immediately do the following:
1) Validate the victim. Tell him/her that they were indeed being bullied and that the behavior of the bully is unacceptable - period. Impress onto the victim that the bully will be dealt with. The victim should not have to miss class for any kind of "mediation" BS.
2) Deal with the bully. Haul him/her into the principal's office, call the parents, guidance counselor, etc. Agree on punishment. There need to be immediate consequences - suspension, apologizing to victim, etc.
3) Then, and only then, should more investigation into the bully's background, home life, etc. be undertaken. Certainly, some bullies come from homes that foster that kind of behavior. But more often than not, as another PP pointed out, bullies are just run-of-the-mill assholes. If it turns out there are larger issues, then therapy needs to be set up for the bully. But if not, the parents need to get on board and admit what their child has done and agree to work with the school to prevent it from ever happening again.
4) The bully needs to be told that s/he will be suspended or even expelled if the bullying continues, or if any of the bully's friends take retribution on the victim. And then the school needs to actually FOLLOW THROUGH.

Nope. In many cases the aggressor may actually be the student who has been harassed, which is why the more holistic approach makes sense.

Nope. The "aggressor" - bully - needs to face consequences immediately. Regardless of the bully's background story, s/he needs to realize bullying is unacceptable. After that, admin can get to the bottom of their behavior and see if therapy/intervention is warranted. The victim needs to see the bully face consequences. Period.

Fortunately, you aren’t establishing or administering the policy. Easy for some parent sure her own kid could only be a victim to decide who should be labeled a “bully” and disciplined. Not so simple for those who actually want to mentor adolescents. Period.

Ah, I see. You're one of those parents who refuses to believe other kids when they say your kid has bullied them. Or maybe you're one of those abysmal admins who won't believe a child who says s/he has been bullied. You probably insist the victim and the bully get together during lunch and "talk it out," and then you ask the victim what he or she could have done differently to prevent "antagonizing" the bully. Save us all from admins like you.

I guess the kid who slammed my child into the lockers and then grabbed my child by the neck wasn't a bully, right? It was probably my own child's fault, come to think of it. But you go ahead and "mentor" the poor child who did this.

I think administrators need to deal with physical aggression on its own terms first. But if it turned out, for example, that your kid had insulted the other kid first with racial slurs or the like, that should have consequences, too.

In any event, dealing with behaviors and honoring due process is more important than slapping labels like "victim" and "bully" on kids who are 12 to 14.

To the extent that any of this has to do with Longfellow (which is one of the safest middle schools in the county), the pledge that the school asks each student to affirm gets it right: "I am responsible for my own actions. No one makes me do what I have to do. If my work is poorly done, it is my responsibility to improve. If I misbehave, it is my responsibility to correct my behavior. It is time for me to stop blaming others for the way I act and start taking responsibility for my actions. I am who I am because of the choices I make. Responsibility is the key to my success."

You have made it clear you wouldn't believe a child who came to you and told you he or she was being bullied. Apparently, you'd insist this child must have said something inflammatory to the person who hit/shoved/slapped him. No one would act that way unless provoked, right? You should honestly be ashamed of yourself.

Sorry, but if a kid physically or emotionally harms another kid, with no provocation, then that kid (the aggressor) IS a bully. Period.