Have you ended a relationship due to partner's weight?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Chiming in to support the hypothyroid posters. I weighed 140 lbs, give or take 5 lbs, for my entire adult life. My pre-partum weight (1 pregnancy, 36) was 142 and my post-partum weight was 145.

I exercise DAILY, almost without fail. As in, approximately 355+ days per year. That exercise includes over 1000 miles of running, plus lifting and yoga and other cardio.

At 39.5, I gained 13 lbs in 4 months for no apparent reason, while working out daily and eating mindfully. 6 years later, those pounds are still there and no matter how good I am with the diet and exercise, they won't go away. I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism a few years ago. So you can do everything right and still not be able to lose weight when your thyroid is screwed up. And if you're a person who started out not skinny and then doesn't exercise religiously, I can see it being a lot more than 13 lbs over the years.

Your post doesn’t have much to do with the topic. 95 percent of obese folks don’t have what you have.

Different poster her - actually, you would be surprised at the wide-spread occurrence of sub clinical (without apparent clinical manifestations) as well as undiagnosed hypothyroidism. It is due to chemical pollutants that we are surrounded with, anything from estrogen mimicking substances to toxins in water and pollution, but mainly toxic materials in our homes and offices.

People are on average much heavier today than in 1950s (an average woman in 1950s was 120lbs and today's average is 160lbs). What happened? We all know what happened (although mathematically this is the biggest increase in average ever since the dawn of the civilization) bu what underscores it all is an absolute, overwhelming, shocking amount of hormone disrupting chemical in food chain, water, and home.

I’m not sure what your point is.

This may be true but my office is filled with fairly thin people, and I’m sure we drink the same water and shop at the same grocery stores as you do.

Are you saying that it’s not Americans’ fault that they are fat?

It is so quintessentially american to want something bad to be someone's fault and for that fault to erase any smidge of sympathy we might have for someone.

There is a constellation of fault.

IMO the biggest problem is how hard it is for people to lose weight. Once you have gained it in the first place you are kind of screwed. I can't remember where the article was but there was a big study on biggest loser contestants and the consensus was (paraphrased) that a 120 pound woman who has always been 120 pounds can eat like 1800 calories to maintain or whatever, but if you were once 250 and lost weight to BECOME 120, you can only eat like 1000 calories and you have to work out every day just to maintain.

Very small percentage of people can keep that up. Hence the very small percentage of sucessful dieters.

[Anonymous]

It's not just weight for me. Physical fitness of a specific type is important. Inability to do a clean set of pull ups is a huge turn off, zero body fat or lots of fat is a turn off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not just weight for me. Physical fitness of a specific type is important. Inability to do a clean set of pull ups is a huge turn off, zero body fat or lots of fat is a turn off.

I don’t know a lot of women who can do a bunch of pull-ups. Are you in the military?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not just weight for me. Physical fitness of a specific type is important. Inability to do a clean set of pull ups is a huge turn off, zero body fat or lots of fat is a turn off.

I don’t know a lot of women who can do a bunch of pull-ups. Are you in the military?

I am super strong and VERY active. I can't do pull ups. This is BS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not just weight for me. Physical fitness of a specific type is important. Inability to do a clean set of pull ups is a huge turn off, zero body fat or lots of fat is a turn off.

I don’t know a lot of women who can do a bunch of pull-ups. Are you in the military?

I am super strong and VERY active. I can't do pull ups. This is BS.

New to this but what's BS? PP said they desire a very specific type, not that inability to do a pullup meant that someone isn't strong or VERY active.

In addition to fitness, I'm attracted to people who are fit and have reading comprehension skills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I maybe just indirectly did. We were dating a month or so. Honestly, loved his personality. He has over 100 lbs to lose and is working on doing so (and I definitely saw progress). However, the two times we had sex - it was not good. It was like he was going through the motions. Did not make me feel desired at all. Not sure if it has to do with his weight or if he is naturally a low drive guy, but if this is what sex is like now, it does not give me hope for the future.

If his personality was great, why didn't you feel that you and he could discuss and work on the sex?

Im not trying to be snarky, PP. I'm really asking. He was working on losing weight. There obviously were things about him that you found attractive and important enough to keep dating. But rather than say, hey, let's talk about what we both want in bed, let's talk about whether you're tired (losing weight can do that, short-term), etc., you dropped him because the sex wasn't good enough for you. So you'd drop a guy whose personality you loved because of so-so sex the first two times, only a month into dating, without any communication with him about sex? Asking seriously--if you had waited longer to have sex and had known him better as a person, do you think you would have tried instead to work on sex as a couple?

Have you been with a man that heavy? Lots of physical problems once you get to that weight that really aren’t solvable without weight loss. Some of it chemical, some of it just physics. And the main player is very small.

Are you the poster to whom I posed the questions above? If not, the questions still stand. She didn't find him "that heavy" to the point she turned down sex from the start, and she clearly says his personality was great. I am not asking others' experiences. I also think you didn't read her post. He WAS losing weight. And weight aside -- he was attractive to her as a person. I wonder if they'd waited to have sex, if it would have meant they could have communicated about it better and any weight issue might have mattered less because they'd have cared about each other more.

You raise a valid point. I think some of it seems from my own weight issues. I definitely have a couple pounds to lose and I can’t imagine a guy I barely know bringing it up. I have been with a larger guy once - he was my first and this experience kind of was similar, only the actual sex was worst this time. The first guy had an issue with ending, this guy with keeping. Two, I think it puts a lot of pressure on someone - like hey, barely know you but you need to lose weight for us to have better sex. Finally, what if he does lose weight and we just don’t have that sexual chemistry? I am in my low 30’s and would like to have a family - it’s just hard to wait around and what he has to do isn’t overnight (and I can’t be certain that he would follow through or it would fix the issue).

One of my good friends recently divorced her husband because they were so mismatched sexually. It was super sad to watch. I have also stayed in a relationship with someone I deeply loved and it was never going to work out in the LR. I probably am cutting the cord early because breaking up when you care about someone just because you aren’t a good fit forever is THE WORST (I have been and would rather be cheated on).

How does being fat make a guy bad in bed?

If he can’t keep it up, low desire, can’t get into certain positions, etc.

This, but more importantly for every thirty pounds you lose an inch of length. It adds up.

Seriously? Is there a study that shows his?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I maybe just indirectly did. We were dating a month or so. Honestly, loved his personality. He has over 100 lbs to lose and is working on doing so (and I definitely saw progress). However, the two times we had sex - it was not good. It was like he was going through the motions. Did not make me feel desired at all. Not sure if it has to do with his weight or if he is naturally a low drive guy, but if this is what sex is like now, it does not give me hope for the future.

If his personality was great, why didn't you feel that you and he could discuss and work on the sex?

Im not trying to be snarky, PP. I'm really asking. He was working on losing weight. There obviously were things about him that you found attractive and important enough to keep dating. But rather than say, hey, let's talk about what we both want in bed, let's talk about whether you're tired (losing weight can do that, short-term), etc., you dropped him because the sex wasn't good enough for you. So you'd drop a guy whose personality you loved because of so-so sex the first two times, only a month into dating, without any communication with him about sex? Asking seriously--if you had waited longer to have sex and had known him better as a person, do you think you would have tried instead to work on sex as a couple?

Have you been with a man that heavy? Lots of physical problems once you get to that weight that really aren’t solvable without weight loss. Some of it chemical, some of it just physics. And the main player is very small.

Are you the poster to whom I posed the questions above? If not, the questions still stand. She didn't find him "that heavy" to the point she turned down sex from the start, and she clearly says his personality was great. I am not asking others' experiences. I also think you didn't read her post. He WAS losing weight. And weight aside -- he was attractive to her as a person. I wonder if they'd waited to have sex, if it would have meant they could have communicated about it better and any weight issue might have mattered less because they'd have cared about each other more.

You raise a valid point. I think some of it seems from my own weight issues. I definitely have a couple pounds to lose and I can’t imagine a guy I barely know bringing it up. I have been with a larger guy once - he was my first and this experience kind of was similar, only the actual sex was worst this time. The first guy had an issue with ending, this guy with keeping. Two, I think it puts a lot of pressure on someone - like hey, barely know you but you need to lose weight for us to have better sex. Finally, what if he does lose weight and we just don’t have that sexual chemistry? I am in my low 30’s and would like to have a family - it’s just hard to wait around and what he has to do isn’t overnight (and I can’t be certain that he would follow through or it would fix the issue).

One of my good friends recently divorced her husband because they were so mismatched sexually. It was super sad to watch. I have also stayed in a relationship with someone I deeply loved and it was never going to work out in the LR. I probably am cutting the cord early because breaking up when you care about someone just because you aren’t a good fit forever is THE WORST (I have been and would rather be cheated on).

How does being fat make a guy bad in bed?

If he can’t keep it up, low desire, can’t get into certain positions, etc.

This, but more importantly for every thirty pounds you lose an inch of length. It adds up.

Seriously? Is there a study that shows his?

Yes many. Google obesity and penis size.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not just weight for me. Physical fitness of a specific type is important. Inability to do a clean set of pull ups is a huge turn off, zero body fat or lots of fat is a turn off.

I don’t know a lot of women who can do a bunch of pull-ups. Are you in the military?

I am a woman, that was about my preferred type. I can do pull ups too, but I don't think anyone cares about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not just weight for me. Physical fitness of a specific type is important. Inability to do a clean set of pull ups is a huge turn off, zero body fat or lots of fat is a turn off.

I don’t know a lot of women who can do a bunch of pull-ups. Are you in the military?

I am super strong and VERY active. I can't do pull ups. This is BS.

PP. I know bunch of people who are strong and active, but we are talking sexual attraction, I don't know how it works. Something about the inability to do it kills it for me.

[Anonymous]

I dated a guy about 60 lbs overweight, but dumped him when I realized I was gaining weight, too,