what funny ways have you dealt with telemarketers?

[Anonymous]

PP 15:15 again.

And I found the FB post from my friend. He had this conversation a couple of months before mine. He and I both work in IT security, so we both have an idea how to really boggle the poor saps who make these calls who have to try and figure out what to say when we go off-script. We can both make this s&*t up on the fly.

Today was "Fun With Telemarketers Day".
Got a call from "Private Caller" who said he was from "PC support" and wanted to help me fix a problem with my computer.
After advising the gentleman that I hadn't called any form of tech support, and that my computer was just fine, thank you, he assured me that they had identified a problem with my system, and they were calling to help me fix it.
Oh, really .... How nice of them. Well, I'm not particularly busy, Let's see where we can go with this ....
Me: You've identified a problem with my computer? Can you tell me which computer has the problem?
Him: How many computers do you have?
Me: You're the ones who identified the problem. Can you tell me what kind of computer has the problem?
Him: No, sir, I cannot tell you that.
Me: Ok, then - can you at least tell me what the operating system is?
Him: Windows. (Good guess - that's only 85% of all the computers out there...)
Me: What version?
Him: I cannot tell you that sir.
Me. So let me see if I understand. You want to help me fix a problem with my system that you discovered, but you can't even tell me what operating system I have?
Him: Sir, do you not want our help?
Me: Hey, you called me.
Him: Indeed we did, sir.
Me: OK, fine. Let's do this.
Him: Very good. Is your computer turned on?
Me: Can't you tell?
Him: Excuse me, sir?
Me: You've identified a problem with my system. That means you must be able to access the machine. Can't you tell if it's on?
Him: No sir, we cannot tell that.
Me: Then how were you able to identify the problem with my system?
Him: Sir, you're not being very helpful!!!
Me: That's true. What I'm really doing is wasting your time. (Expecting a hang-up right about now... but no!!!)
Him: (sounding hurt) Indeed you are, sir! And we're just trying to help you fix your computer!!
Me: Right. You're going to ask me to download an application or click on a link to get things "fixed"...
Him: No, sir, we are not going to to that.
Me (surprised): You're not?
Him: No, sir. we will talk you through the procedure.
(I'm intrigued at this point. My guess is that they're trying to get me to install some package on my system that enrolls me in a botnet or something. But if they're not having me download anything or visit the site, are they going to have me edit the registry or run system commands by hand"??)
Me: No downloading apps or visits to web sites? OK, I'm in. What do I do?
Him: Please wait while I get my tech supervisor.
(I hear about a minute of discussion in a foreign language in the background....)
Guy #2: Hello, my name is Vil. I'm a senior systems technician, and I'm going to walk you through our process.
Me: Hi, I'm <John>. I work at <Federal Agency> and I develop and maintain operating systems. I understand you're going to tell me all about my system issues. I'm looking forward to this - I'm all ears.
<click>

[Anonymous]

I usually just say No thanks and hang up, but if I'm in a particularly argumentative mood I'll tell them we're having dinner and can he or she give me her home phone number and I'll call her back at my convenience. I've been told they can't give me their home number, and then I tell them that's where they are calling me and disturbing me, so why the hell not?!

[Anonymous]

I got a scam call last week. They asked if I was in-front of my computer and then asked me to push certain buttons, i pretended I did and they asked what did I see on my screen, I said porn, and told them the scene I was watching.

[Anonymous]

I live alone so they will often ask for me by name. My favorite thing to do is say Susan? Oh I'm so sorry to tell you, I believe Susan died by (insert dramatic means of death). It has worked very well in preventing future calls.

[Anonymous]

I have done similar to 15:22. Once I got called via my cell phone at work, saying that my home computer had a "wye-RUSS" (virus). I used my theatre training (I work for a production company) and immediately went into "panicked/edgy crying helpless woman" - profusely apologizing, asking inane questions and making my fake service rep repeat just about every line he gave me.

I spent about 10 minutes, alternately "crying" and becoming overcome with emotion and then getting frustrated at being unable to execute basic commands ("my screen is blank") and claiming trouble with my mouse, my hand, my keyboard. By this time, I had my co-workers gathered 'round and laughing and holding up cue cards daring me to say or do something crazy. The guy was patient, but I was getting tired. I told him I had to try my laptop that was in my home office and asked him if he could call me back at my private number (which was really the local police station). Had to get back to work and I have no idea if he called the police or not.

[Anonymous]

19:29 also got sick of the same carpet cleaning company calling me several times a day for weeks. Enough! I called the company back, got THEIR answering machine and left a very long message (reading a terrible, canned telemarketing script I found online) about how I wanted to meet to discuss their cold-call customer outreach...gave my phone number and fake name, offered to come by their office the next day...

Never heard from them again! Fighting fire with fire!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We got a call from "microsoft" telling us our computer was infected. My DH said, "OMG, which one?", "OMG what am I gonna do?" "OMG is the phone infected too" "OMG is the toilet infected: As I was lmao , "microsoft" HUNG UP!

For the "Microsoft" phishing scams I lead them on and then tell them I have a Mac.

My teenage son loves to talk to the "Windows tech support" people, but we may have gotten on their "do not call" list because we haven't heard from them in a while. I think the first time they told him his computer was infected, he asked what IP address they had for him. They didn't have one (obviously) so he asked how they knew it was his computer that was infected. They hung up.

The last time they called, he said he had been meaning to call tech support about some highly technical issues he was having, so if they could just help him with those first...