Do cliques form in Elementary school

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many say that each class is different but also each kid and how they deal with it is different. My older daughter has always had friend drama and issues in her class. My younger one has never really let it bother her or has bothered with it. She'd rather just float and ignore then get involved. From a theoretical perspective I would say her class is better but I know from other parents in the grade that the drama does exist.

I find this idea of people appalled by social engineering yet they force their kids to have play dates with certain kids that bother their kids or that their kids don't like. Yes we need to teach inclusion and kindness and maturity. We also have to teach them the ability to protect themselves and not put their parents or their own need to please others in front of their own emotional needs.

My oldest stayed away from drama too and that works for the most part if:

1. They have a few close friends to rely on
2. They don't get bullied relentlessly


Some mean girls hate the girls that don't act on their games the most. The kids that rise above it, sometimes set them off and they start gossip, trip them, turn friends against them, manipulate the kid getting in trouble etc... so yes, it does depend on the class and yes their crappy parents.

If your closest friends are your kids closest friends parents, that is social engineering.

[Anonymous]

The cliquey moms of girls are the worst influence in many schools. My daughter was in a preschool class with ages 3-6 (Montessori) as one of the few 4 year olds. There were five 5-6 year old girls (Kindergarten) and four of them systematically bullied and excluded the fifth one. Younger kids like my daughter were also pushed away from "the group." The mothers absolutely facilitated this by organizing play dates that included only their four kids, putting them in dance classes together, booking their piano lessons back to back, etc. The four moms socialized exclusively with one another. Once this group of girls left after Kindergarten, the tone dramatically improved. By the way, this group of girls stuck together this way for YEARS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many say that each class is different but also each kid and how they deal with it is different. My older daughter has always had friend drama and issues in her class. My younger one has never really let it bother her or has bothered with it. She'd rather just float and ignore then get involved. From a theoretical perspective I would say her class is better but I know from other parents in the grade that the drama does exist.

I find this idea of people appalled by social engineering yet they force their kids to have play dates with certain kids that bother their kids or that their kids don't like. Yes we need to teach inclusion and kindness and maturity. We also have to teach them the ability to protect themselves and not put their parents or their own need to please others in front of their own emotional needs.

My oldest stayed away from drama too and that works for the most part if:

1. They have a few close friends to rely on
2. They don't get bullied relentlessly


Some mean girls hate the girls that don't act on their games the most. The kids that rise above it, sometimes set them off and they start gossip, trip them, turn friends against them, manipulate the kid getting in trouble etc... so yes, it does depend on the class and yes their crappy parents.

If your closest friends are your kids closest friends parents, that is social engineering.

I agree with you to a point . Especially as research has just come out that kids with close friends are happier /successful adults than "popular kids". However I think people are just saying be mindful and don't get on a rut. Model inclusiveness by being friendly and there are times to engineer inclusion like inviting all the girls in class if throwing large party, offering a sleepover if someone lives far and otherwise could not attend. Basic stuff like that.