Holidays...not sure what to do

[Anonymous]

OP, I jut want to say I think you made the right decision to skip all the madness this year, and how awesome your DH is to be the one to say "let's just stay home and relax this year." Sounds like he's 100% on board with this plan (perhaps he's even the one who suggested it?), and that is so important.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope you're sitting down, because I've got a shock for you: If your husband wants to exchange gifts with his family, he can shop for them himself. If he doesn't want to, then you guys show up with no gifts. It's not your responsibility, no matter how stuck in the 1950s his family is. And it's his problem to smooth over if his family criticizes any of this. Not your responsibility.

You can teach your daughter multiple things here: that spending time with family is important, that men know how purchase gifts and it's sexist to put it on women, and that when people try to dump on you (and her as a future woman), you don't have to buy into it.

But if OP did this common-sense approach, of actually stepping aside and letting his HUSBAND buy gifts for his OWN FAMILY, then how could she make herself a martyr in this situation?

Oh STFU. We've been conditioned to meet expectations even before we could talk. Even when you know it's insane, the first time you defy expectations it's hard. My DH's family is the same way as Ops and the first time I left it up to DH, they were shocked and disappointed.

And? So? People choose to be shocked and disappointed. That's THEIR problem. I don't get what you people are afraid of. If my husband's family were so materialistic and egocentric that they would be "shocked" and "disappointed" that I didn't conform to their gift-grab version of Christmas, I wouldn't care AT ALL because I don't care to cultivate the good opinion of horrible people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hope you're sitting down, because I've got a shock for you: If your husband wants to exchange gifts with his family, he can shop for them himself. If he doesn't want to, then you guys show up with no gifts. It's not your responsibility, no matter how stuck in the 1950s his family is. And it's his problem to smooth over if his family criticizes any of this. Not your responsibility.

You can teach your daughter multiple things here: that spending time with family is important, that men know how purchase gifts and it's sexist to put it on women, and that when people try to dump on you (and her as a future woman), you don't have to buy into it.

Exactly.

[Anonymous]

OMG lady, you need to stay home.