Help Me Make This Text Less Bitchy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:he left town for 6 days and didnt' tell you ahead of time that he was leaving town? that's really weird, esp if you have been seeing each other a couple times a week and going away some weekends. sorry, does not bode well for the future.

+1

I spent too much of my time "asking for what I needed". Turns out, if you have to ask for common courtesy...this is not the guy for you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A few months. This is the second time he's been gone (I knew about the first) and my upcoming trip is the second time I've been gone (except for short work trips and the funeral). I just realized how much we both travel! We are taking a three night trip together in about 6 weeks.

It does sound as though you spend a lot of your time away from each other. Maybe he's gotten used to you being gone or having other commitments (like your parents scheduled to come for a visit) so it doesn't necessarily occur to him to run his plans by you.

If you had specifically talked about him meeting your parents and sharing Thanksgiving Day together that would be one thing. But it sounds as though you had plans to spend the day with your parents, he wasn't necessarily invited (or at least it wasn't clear that he was included) so he didn't see any needs to discuss his own plans. You were doing your thing. He would do his.

[Anonymous]

Obviously the right advice is what the less needy people are telling you - don't text, etc etc.

As someone who's never been like that, I don't find that a realistic course. My approach would be to text more upfrontedly - something like: Hey dude, I am feeling a little needy and weird about how things have been going. I'd love to see you. Can we make plans for XYZ night?

I'm going to be honest. This doesn't always end the way I'd want it to. But that's good information to have - that the person I'm dealing with isn't someone that I will be happy with in the long run. Now I am married to someone who I don't have to hide my true self from. It's better this way.

So I would say send the text. And also gird yourself for it all blowing up. In all likelihood, if this is how things are between you, you're going to be moving on at some point anyway.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

This dude is not the one for you. Move on.

[Anonymous]

I texted. Turned out a prior flame was back (in fact I suspect that is who he was traveling with) so he ended it with me. At least my gut was right about the emotional distance. Like a PP, I, too, want to find someone with whom I can be my real self.

[Anonymous]

Sorry. You are better off. On to better things!

[Anonymous]

Sorry to hear, OP. Hugs.

[Anonymous]

Did he break up over text?

[Anonymous]

Sorry to hear he wasn't the one, OP. Can you get a refund on that trip you were going to take in 6 weeks?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did he break up over text?

No, he said he was sorry and could we do something the next night. We had a dinner reservation. Luckily, he asked to take a walk and spilled the beans before dinner, and I was able to cancel the reservation without getting on Open Table's bad list. SO I guess at least he didn't do it by text. He clearly made a commitment to her while away and didn't think he should even eat dinner with me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry to hear he wasn't the one, OP. Can you get a refund on that trip you were going to take in 6 weeks?

No, but I've asked two friends. One of them will come through, I am sure. I had paid for everything but his airline ticket (he used miles), and my friends have miles, so they should be able to work it out.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry op. That sucks. Hugs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Best thing is not to text. If and when he texts - be breezy and say oops sorry - didnt hear from you so made other plans.

This times a million.

Yes, this.

Another vote for this.

This puts the ball in your court and it doesn't make it seem like you're waiting around for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did he break up over text?

No, he said he was sorry and could we do something the next night. We had a dinner reservation. Luckily, he asked to take a walk and spilled the beans before dinner, and I was able to cancel the reservation without getting on Open Table's bad list. SO I guess at least he didn't do it by text. He clearly made a commitment to her while away and didn't think he should even eat dinner with me.

Sorry OP, it's disappointing. And I'm sure he probably thought you wouldn't want to eat dinner with him after that convo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I texted. Turned out a prior flame was back (in fact I suspect that is who he was traveling with) so he ended it with me. At least my gut was right about the emotional distance. Like a PP, I, too, want to find someone with whom I can be my real self.

I'm sorry but glad you found out.