DH and Stepdaughter conflict I think he handled it wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Her mom lives in the same town so it's not like she hadn't seen her friends during the day at school.

And to the pp that asked yes, she threw an actual tantrum stomping feet and slamming doors.

I used to spend all day at school with my friends. Then come home, walk the dog, and do homework with Andrea over the phone. Sometimes we'd three-way in Caryn. Then I'd eat dinner with the parents. Then I'd watch Party of Five, Beverly Hills 90210 and Melrose Place while on the phone with friends from school. After two hours of that my father would tell me to get off the phone already. So I'd hang up, go to my bedroom, and call another friend until a half hour later when my mother would tell me to get off the phone. I spent a solid four or so hours on the phone with the SAME FRIENDS I SAW IN SCHOOL, after I got home from school.

I'm a bit older than you so sub in Brady bunch and the story is the same.

[Anonymous]

OP, what is the actual custody agreement. If you have 50/50, she should have been allowed to spend it with her friends. If you get very limited time, then yes, it makes sense. I would have asked mom to switch a day. Problem solved.

[Anonymous]

The fact that you cannot admit you might be wrong, OP, is sort of like an adult temper tantrum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Her mom lives in the same town so it's not like she hadn't seen her friends during the day at school.

And to the pp that asked yes, she threw an actual tantrum stomping feet and slamming doors.

Ok. You're still wrong OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Her mom lives in the same town so it's not like she hadn't seen her friends during the day at school.

And to the pp that asked yes, she threw an actual tantrum stomping feet and slamming doors.

You are an idiot. It's not about the amount of time spent with her friends. She is 11. She does not want to trick or treat with her famy! Why is this not getting thru to you? She should have been allowed to trick or treat with her friends, and then your DH could have brought to to his house after. My parents were divorced and split holidays but I was never forced to skip fun events with friends because of whose day it was. I feel sorry for the poor girl.

THIS.
0P, you and your DH caused her temper tantrum. She's 11. Not 2. Of course she wanted to go trick-or-treating with her friends, which is what most 11-year-olds Do. You are really one of the stupidest people I have read on this board. I feel really badly for your DSD. FWIW, you need to take a parenting class to understand what it is like to raise a preteen and teenager. And yes I do have a preteen. And, I am navigating this now myself.

[Anonymous]

Four pages of unanimous certainty that your view on this is wrong OP. That almost never happens around here, you should take note.

[Anonymous]

You don't get to have an opinion on this one way or another, OP.

[Anonymous]

I'm a custodial parent. Let the poor kid ToT with her friends.

[Anonymous]

Halloween isn't a holiday any more so than st Patrick's day or Veterans Day - do you make her stay home the entire day for those? Is there a family dinner on Halloween? Poor kid should be out for with her friends

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Her mom lives in the same town so it's not like she hadn't seen her friends during the day at school.

And to the pp that asked yes, she threw an actual tantrum stomping feet and slamming doors.

You don't get it at all, op. Is it that hard for you to remember being a kid? Halloween is one of the biggest days of the year when you're that age. You think about it for months. "Saw her friends at school"?!?! You're way off on this one.

[Anonymous]

The custody agreement should spell out what "holiday" means. It usually means major holidays such as Christmas, Thanksgiving, Mothers/Fathers Day. Doesn't mean Halloween, Veterans Day, etc. If it did, your DH could find a holiday every day of the year. Look, it's National Peanut Farmers Day! You have to stay with me!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The custody agreement should spell out what "holiday" means. It usually means major holidays such as Christmas, Thanksgiving, Mothers/Fathers Day. Doesn't mean Halloween, Veterans Day, etc. If it did, your DH could find a holiday every day of the year. Look, it's National Peanut Farmers Day! You have to stay with me!

This. And I just have to laugh at thinking you understand Tweens because you have a 6 year old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who keeps their 11-year old kids from going out with their friends on Halloween? Nobody. Don't make her pay some weird price for her parents' inability to stay married.

I agree.

If he wanted to spend time with her, he should have gone over to her neighborhood, treated the girls to pregame pizza and trick or treated over where she lives with the friends.

Let the kid be normal when the opportunity presents itself and quit punishing her because her parents couldn't get their shit together and stay married.

Having been a step mother through the teenage years to a teenage girl and boy - this.

Kids want to do things with their friends. To say "but it is our turn" makes you sound like a three year old with a toy, not a parent shaping a growing adult.

Sounds like you are a child that is more concerned with fighting the ex then doing the best thing for the child.

[Anonymous]

Part of being a parent includes doing normal things with your kids such as dropping them off at soccer, taking them to the library to work on a group project for school, and yes, managing the logistics to get her to social events with her friends such as slumber parties or Halloween. Later this includes sending her on that school bus trip she wanted to go on and letting her date, work her job and run around with her friends.

Your parenting duties don't stop because you are divorced and her normal, age appropriate activities and social interactions do not ground to a halt just because it is "dad's time."

Preventing her from going out with her friends because of some perceived court mandated "dad time" is not parenting this child. Your husband (influenced by you) is failing at parenting. Being a parent involves so much more than requiring your kids to stay physically in your presence and control for your entire "time."

Parenting includes much more than physical control of your child. It also includes helping them participate in and navigate through all the normal, age appropriate life stages that help kids to be independent, functioning, normal adults.

Your husband is wrong.

You are even more wrong.

I hope your standards for your own son are exactly the same as what you impose upon your poor step daughter, including not allowing natural friendships and fun on Halloween and not allowing him to trick or treat with any buddies, even shen he is in fifth-sixth grade.

[Anonymous]

I got by DC, who debates (and practices on us) , a t-shirt that says the following: No.You are wrong. So sit there in your wrongness and be wrong. Works in this situation.