Do you have an AP and why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i don't understand why we are all staying with husbands and wives who don't have the best sexual connection with us. Myself included. My AP included. Why? why? why?

Because sex isn't everything?

Until you aren't having it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i don't understand why we are all staying with husbands and wives who don't have the best sexual connection with us. Myself included. My AP included. Why? why? why?

Because sex isn't everything?

Until you aren't having it.

True. I remember having a conversation with some married friends when I was single and they said " you won't marry the best sex you ever had. " I didn't and it didn't matter for awhile. There were other priorities. As we have gotten older the sexual compatibility is more important. it just is...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife should send my AP a thank you note. She is off the hook for duty sex. Now I give my wife the unsolicited back rubs with no expectations of sex from her.

Total win win.

Ditto, for my husband and my AP.

[Anonymous]

Flybynight wrote:I've noticed a lot of references to APs in the threads. Just curious what motivated your decision? Did you pursue the AP, or did they pursue you? A friend recently admitted to me that he has an AP, but also says that he is perfectly happy every area of his relationship with his husband? I find this odd. I can understand if there were problems or sexual incompatibility.

What motivated my decision was lack of sex in my marriage and my DH not caring about my feelings. My DH rejecting me. When we would try to have sex he had performance issues. He had an rx but seemed to be happier just watching porn and taking care of himself. yes I tried talking about it, but he wasn't receptive. Knew my AP casually for about a year. I pursued him slowly. He ultimately made the move.

[Anonymous]

Bump

[Anonymous]

Bump

[Anonymous]

He is not getting what he wants from his marriage. I'm widowed, and not ready for a 'real' relationship for various reasons - that will probably change soon though, and I'll have to break it off.....But for now, it works.

[Anonymous]

I had one. I'm married, he was not. He made me feel loved.

[Anonymous]

Bump

[Anonymous]

Why not just come clean with your spouse and ask for an open marriage instead of cheat? IT's okay to want more than your spouse -but then just say it /communicate it/come to an agreement instead of sneaking around.

[Anonymous]

Bump

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Flybynight wrote:I've noticed a lot of references to APs in the threads. Just curious what motivated your decision? Did you pursue the AP, or did they pursue you? A friend recently admitted to me that he has an AP, but also says that he is perfectly happy every area of his relationship with his husband? I find this odd. I can understand if there were problems or sexual incompatibility.

I flung open the door, and he walked through it.

I was not perfectly happy in every area of my relationship with my husband, although you would not have been able to tell that from the outside. I am more so now, interestingly. I am having very regular sex at home (AP says he is not, but knows that I am). I miss him when I don't see him, which is most of the time.

Why I have an AP: I think it started because I was so unhappy at home in my marriage. But it has continued because I like the sex. I like the emotional intimacy. I like his laugh, his toes, his outlook on life. I like that we share no responsibilities together. I like the chemical high I get from it. I know it can't last much longer, but in the meantime it is sweet.

Wow...this is me...

[Anonymous]

I still wonder why I have an AP. DH I have good, regular sex at home (2-3 times a week), been married for 8 years, 2 young kids.

I like how AP makes me feel, I like how he looks at me, I like how he uses his tongue when he kisses me, I like the excitement, the high. I get a lot of that at home, it's just not the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have more respect for the person willing to live and admit that monogogamy just doesn't work. It never has, that's why porn, hookers, erotic romance novels and APs exist on fringe.

Monogamy was born out of maintaining generational family wealth and had nothing to do with base sexual desires. It was making sure the baby mamma had your baby.

Agree. I'm a woman in her early 50s and I realized within two years of being married that monogamy was not realistic for the long haul for people with normal sex drives. I do have an AP.

As did my wife, but I allow her to play as she pleases and it doesn't bother me.

same here, my wife is allowed to do as she pleases and it has worked well for our marriage.