Have you and your spouse ever had Thanksgiving dinner separately due to in laws

[Anonymous]

Me and DH do this all the time due to families being spread out. We have kids, we love each other, and are in a good marriage.

I'd have a major problem though if my ILs told DH they didn't like me.

[Anonymous]

What is wrong with your DH? Are they mean to you?

DH: "Dad. Really? She is my wife and I won't hear another bad word about her. I can't believe you would ask such a thing."

I would be so tempted to pitch a fit about Christmas. Stay home with the family, DH can take the kids for a very short visit himself a couple days later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I just wanted to say it's not my husband's parents that are the problem, just his dad (his parents are divorced). His mother and her family have never treated me like this. Hell, they invite me to events before my husband.

Then stick with them, and to helll with the dad.

But you and your husband need to get on the same page about your family life.

Your husband sounds like he was a victim of emotional abuse growing up and doesn't know how to create healthy boundaries.

+1000

THIS. PP who mentioned this, and this is exactly what it is. Sometimes it does not come out for years, unfortunately. It sucks. I am on my way out because of this. I can't take it anymore. It affects everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The rest of the family doesn't like you or they do. I'm getting a mixed message.

I said in my last post that DH's parents are divorced. FIL will be in town and celebrating Thanksgiving with his family. It's my FIL and his family that doesn't like me. I said my MIL and her family do like me. Two different sides of the family. I hope that clears it up for you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is wrong with your DH? Are they mean to you?

DH: "Dad. Really? She is my wife and I won't hear another bad word about her. I can't believe you would ask such a thing."

I would be so tempted to pitch a fit about Christmas. Stay home with the family, DH can take the kids for a very short visit himself a couple days later.

They're not mean, but they can be a little standoffish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is wrong with your DH? Are they mean to you?

DH: "Dad. Really? She is my wife and I won't hear another bad word about her. I can't believe you would ask such a thing."

I would be so tempted to pitch a fit about Christmas. Stay home with the family, DH can take the kids for a very short visit himself a couple days later.

They're not mean, but they can be a little standoffish.

[Anonymous]

OP, what's the deal with your husband? I'd like to think my DH would tell his father to go to hell if he suggested that DH would be welcome for Thanksgiving but not me.

Especially, as you say, if they have no reason to dislike you other than that you're quiet. (Maybe, I could see something like this if you had had an affair with one of DH's brothers or something really egregious...but not just that they don't enjoy your company.)

How's your relationship with your DH? It sounds like he doesn't stick up for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, what's the deal with your husband? I'd like to think my DH would tell his father to go to hell if he suggested that DH would be welcome for Thanksgiving but not me.

Especially, as you say, if they have no reason to dislike you other than that you're quiet. (Maybe, I could see something like this if you had had an affair with one of DH's brothers or something really egregious...but not just that they don't enjoy your company.)

How's your relationship with your DH? It sounds like he doesn't stick up for you.

Other than him not sticking up for me with his family, we have a pretty good relationship.

[Anonymous]

I think what would upset me most is if my DH tried to convince me to do this without being up front that he wants to split up on the holiday b.c. of his family. Seems dishonest not to explain that up front. Major issues here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think what would upset me most is if my DH tried to convince me to do this without being up front that he wants to split up on the holiday b.c. of his family. Seems dishonest not to explain that up front. Major issues here.

+1

completely dishonest on your DH's part.

[Anonymous]

I would call the FIL and inform him that you'll all be doing Thanksgiving with your parents and usual.

Then I'd set up marriage counseling to get to the bottom of why your DH was on his dad's side and lied to you.

[Anonymous]

WTF??? (I agree with the above posters).

Honestly?
I would tell my husband that he could go to his fathers alone and take the kids to my parents. And let him know if he EVER tries a stupid stunt like that again, he may be spending more holidays with just him and his dad. He needs to present a united front - all or none. Period. Sorry dad, but I am not going to split my family up for the holidays because you don't like my wife. The fact that the father even told your husband and your husband went along with this is just crazy. I can understand why he is divorced.

HUGS OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what's the deal with your husband? I'd like to think my DH would tell his father to go to hell if he suggested that DH would be welcome for Thanksgiving but not me.

Especially, as you say, if they have no reason to dislike you other than that you're quiet. (Maybe, I could see something like this if you had had an affair with one of DH's brothers or something really egregious...but not just that they don't enjoy your company.)

How's your relationship with your DH? It sounds like he doesn't stick up for you.

Other than him not sticking up for me with his family, we have a pretty good relationship.

Oh, OTHER than THAT...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what's the deal with your husband? I'd like to think my DH would tell his father to go to hell if he suggested that DH would be welcome for Thanksgiving but not me.

Especially, as you say, if they have no reason to dislike you other than that you're quiet. (Maybe, I could see something like this if you had had an affair with one of DH's brothers or something really egregious...but not just that they don't enjoy your company.)

How's your relationship with your DH? It sounds like he doesn't stick up for you.

Other than him not sticking up for me with his family, we have a pretty good relationship.

"Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play?"

[Anonymous]

First of all, if someone tried to pull this, my husband would shut it down. We put up with our BIL's shitty wife because she is his wife. You don't invite one half of a married couple to a family event and deliberately exclude the other.

And if he didn't shut it down, and lied to me in an effort to satisfy this outrageous request, I would tell him he was welcome to go. And stay there. The kids and I would be at my parents' house.