Annual Private School Dinner/Auctions

[Anonymous]

At our school a lot of dads are involved in the auction in a real way. And the moms who volunteer are all hardworking people, both SAHM and WOHM, who seem to be doing it because it is important to the school's financial aid program. It doesn't seem cliquey at all and lots of people get involved. So it sounds like auctions can be handled in different ways at schools.

[Anonymous]

Who said anything about social climbing, for either the organizers or the big spenders? I thought that it was about sucking up to the school administration so they'll help your kid with the next school/college admissions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who said anything about social climbing, for either the organizers or the big spenders? I thought that it was about sucking up to the school administration so they'll help your kid with the next school/college admissions.

None of these caricatures matches my friend who is co-chairing an auction this year (not at my kids' independent schools; she is doing it at one of the holy trinity or Big 4 or whatever). Not a social climber, not independently wealthy, she works herself to death with a very demanding job, is always there for her kids somehow nonetheless, and is in a school that goes to 12 and has elementary kids, so I don't think she is angling for college placement just yet.

Shocking to this board, I know, but I think she just believes in the cause and the school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who said anything about social climbing, for either the organizers or the big spenders? I thought that it was about sucking up to the school administration so they'll help your kid with the next school/college admissions.

This is just sad. What a nightmarishly run school! I feel so sorry for your child that you're spending so much money on tuition at a school where his(her) college recommendations are dependent upon your $$ contributions above and beyond tuition. You've made a TERRIBLE choice and should fire your school immediately. You'd be better off in the worst of publics than someplace where you have to bribe the administration into writing good college admissions letters.

Sorry to say, but your judgment is profoundly questionable. From now on, you should probably do the opposite of your gut reaction - your intuition really is that bad.

[Anonymous]

The responses to this thread reveal unbelievable insecurity. If you enjoy auctions then participate. If you do not, then don't participate. The people who volunteer to organize these events donate very large portions of their time ... their underlying motivations for doing so are not uniform and could easily include altruism, social networking, social climbing, and/or just not knowing how to say no when someone asks them to help. The people who attend these events help fund financial aid and hold down tuition for everyone at the school, therefore, whether they attend to have fun, get noticed, or just help out really doesn't matter. Make your own decisions and stop casting aspersions at people who make different decisions. It's childish.

[Anonymous]

We were surprised at the level of non-participation at our auction this year. People attended, but most people just weren't bidding. We bid on a couple things, but were only going for lowball bids and were fine with not actually winning anything, but at least we could say we bid on stuff. But there were lots of people who we would guess have tons more money than us who didn't even get out their bidding paddle.

As for the organizers, I never really think about them much. They are just parents who volunteer to do the auction. Other parents volunteer to do the fair in the fall, or the teacher appreciation dinner, or whatever. I think its great that different parents are willing to do all the heavy participation organizing like this, because as a working mom with little ones, its hard for me to fit a big commitment like the auction in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:18:54, you're so funny. I myself work, but the most insecure social climbers at my daughter's school are the women who work but aren't all that attractive, have just a bachelor's degree from an indifferent sort of school, and managed to get lucky at work in one particular niche but would be hard-pressed to replicate that success if something happened to their current job. They're hilarious and pathetic at the same time. But the social climbing is far, far more pronounced among these women than among the SAHMs, at least at the school we're familiar with.

You've nailed it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:...The people who volunteer to organize these events donate very large portions of their time ... their underlying motivations for doing so are not uniform and could easily include altruism, social networking, social climbing, and/or just not knowing how to say no when someone asks them to help. The people who attend these events help fund financial aid and hold down tuition for everyone at the school, therefore, whether they attend to have fun, get noticed, or just help out really doesn't matter. Make your own decisions and stop casting aspersions at people who make different decisions. It's childish.

I am one of those "can't say 'no'" people. This is my third year with a significant role in the auction at my children's school -- the work has easily eaten up 50 hours of my time in the past month, on top of my FT job. One of the reasons I enjoy doing the auction stuff is that I feel like my kids appreciate that I'm taking an active role in something that is a big deal in their world. I would rather my kids grow-up to be the kind of people who dive in and try to strengthen their community, so I figure it's worth modeling that ethic now, to the extent I'm able.

[Anonymous]

"None of these caricatures matches my friend who is co-chairing an auction this year (not at my kids' independent schools; she is doing it at one of the holy trinity or Big 4 or whatever). Not a social climber, not independently wealthy, she works herself to death with a very demanding job, is always there for her kids somehow nonetheless, and is in a school that goes to 12 and has elementary kids, so I don't think she is angling for college placement just yet.

Shocking to this board, I know, but I think she just believes in the cause and the school. "

OR, your friend does it for the attention. How do you know so much about her personal life??

The people who can't say "no" are also seeking attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gosh, I had no idea people hated the volunteers so much! Or working moms or SAHMs. Or unattractive moms. I am not attractive (not my fault- just bad genes and no interest in going under the knife) work part-time, and I also volunteer at my kid's schools so that I can be around my kids' schools more and contribute to the schools and their communities. Thought it was a good thing, but I guess now I know that everyone hates me.

I'll keep volunteering though, because it's fun.

Whatever, just keep away free me at the school stuff. You are a crashing bore. And fugly. But you already know that.

[Anonymous]

I am now convinced that some of these posters do not have kids in private schools. Go spew your hate at your public, will you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am now convinced that some of these posters do not have kids in private schools. Go spew your hate at your public, will you?

Oh I quite believe there's plenty of hate right here. This is only the most recent in a long tradition of venom-filled threads here on the P/IS forum. "Nice kids" thread? "Nice Moms" thread? "Red-shirting" thread? That one had a few zingers! "Beauvoir scandal" thread? Quite ugly. And God forbid anyone try to say something nice about St. Patrick's - much less Grace Episcopal! Please, ladies! The fur flies more viciously here than anywhere else. If you want nice, read the Gay/Lesbian parenting forum. Pass the popcorn please, there's more than enough milk for everyone. Meow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who said anything about social climbing, for either the organizers or the big spenders? I thought that it was about sucking up to the school administration so they'll help your kid with the next school/college admissions.

This is just sad. What a nightmarishly run school! I feel so sorry for your child that you're spending so much money on tuition at a school where his(her) college recommendations are dependent upon your $$ contributions above and beyond tuition. You've made a TERRIBLE choice and should fire your school immediately. You'd be better off in the worst of publics than someplace where you have to bribe the administration into writing good college admissions letters.

Sorry to say, but your judgment is profoundly questionable. From now on, you should probably do the opposite of your gut reaction - your intuition really is that bad.

Just goes to show the dangers of psychoanalyzing people you've never met (a long and hallowed DCUM tradition):
- we no longer have a kid in this private (for other reasons, because how the auction is run isn't a life-altering thing for us although it seems to be to you)
- while we were there, we did it because the kids loved the school, not to boost our own happiness

But really, this issue has been discussed before and there's some concensus that people do suck up to the school administration by helping with the auction, volunteering only on field trips that the head attends (I remember this being addressed in a DCUM thread, and not by me), and more. Check the DCUM archives. And it probably goes on at every school to some extent, greater or lesser, not just at this one school. At our school, the sucking up was for middle and/or high school admissions, and yes, of course these upper schools do want to hear about parental contributions to/involvement with the elementary school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just goes to show the dangers of psychoanalyzing people you've never met (a long and hallowed DCUM tradition):
- we no longer have a kid in this private (for other reasons, because how the auction is run isn't a life-altering thing for us although it seems to be to you)
- while we were there, we did it because the kids loved the school, not to boost our own happiness

But really, this issue has been discussed before and there's some concensus that people do suck up to the school administration by helping with the auction, volunteering only on field trips that the head attends (I remember this being addressed in a DCUM thread, and not by me), and more. Check the DCUM archives. And it probably goes on at every school to some extent, greater or lesser, not just at this one school. At our school, the sucking up was for middle and/or high school admissions, and yes, of course these upper schools do want to hear about parental contributions to/involvement with the elementary school.

Tsk. Tsk. What were you just saying about the dangers of psychoanalyzing people? Aside from the fact that I read DCUM, you know absolutely nothing about me. It's beyond presumptuous to assume that I even care about how the auction is run, much less that it is "life altering"?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am now convinced that some of these posters do not have kids in private schools. Go spew your hate at your public, will you?

Oh please. There's a current thread entitled "Name the Bottom 3" that is so viperish in name alone I don't even want to read it. It's beyond stupid to blame the hate on this board on public school parents. As they say, "denial is not just a river in Egypt."