How long until old people stop asking if I'm the secretary?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a certain cadre of folks, mainly old men, who will think you're the secretary no matter how professional you look or how you act.

Personally, I'm just waiting for them to die out. And looking forward to it.

+1

It's not about how you dress, or act, or your 'presence' in the room. This is sexism at work, plain and simple.

Yes, while dressing can make a difference (and it's a good idea to pay attention to it), the reality is that it's not fair to make women have to spend a lot of energy trying to fit in. It's like black men having to carry the Wall Street Journal in order to allay the fears of white people. Yes, why not do it, if it will help but there's whole categories of people who don't have to think about this and that's an advantage for them.

But nowhere did I say or imply that I wasn't already dressing and acting that way. That you assume I must have been to encounter this means you're part of the problem.

But you do come across as a PITA. And an ungrateful one at that.

Which parts were ungrateful?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a certain cadre of folks, mainly old men, who will think you're the secretary no matter how professional you look or how you act.

Personally, I'm just waiting for them to die out. And looking forward to it.

+1

It's not about how you dress, or act, or your 'presence' in the room. This is sexism at work, plain and simple.

Yes, while dressing can make a difference (and it's a good idea to pay attention to it), the reality is that it's not fair to make women have to spend a lot of energy trying to fit in. It's like black men having to carry the Wall Street Journal in order to allay the fears of white people. Yes, why not do it, if it will help but there's whole categories of people who don't have to think about this and that's an advantage for them.

But nowhere did I say or imply that I wasn't already dressing and acting that way. That you assume I must have been to encounter this means you're part of the problem.

Pp here. Please reread what I said. I'm on your side. I only said that it's a good idea to dress professionally as a general rule. I nowhere had implied that you did not dress professionally. What I in fact was addressing was the psychological impact of always having to prove by dress that you're a person with authority (women) or not a person to be feared (black men). Deep breaths.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to work on your presence. Act like the boss and they will treat you like one.

It is such a lad of bulls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to work on your presence. Act like the boss and they will treat you like one.

Oh yes. And grow a penis as well. That will help.

DC is still such a sexist place. The government is the worst.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 46, dress very well and am still asked if I am the secretary.

If they ask me to take notes in a meeting I ask them if they will get me coffee.

I like this response. Not bold enough to say it. Would you say it to your boss?

Yes. But I am bold. Once, in front of my boss, a coworker cut me off and told me I only deserved 5 minutes of his time. The next meeting I introduced him as "the 5 minute man". He ask for a truce.

Pp, are you an attorney? If not, what line of work are you in?

I find that if women are bold, they are called difficult and bitches.

That is very true in every profession. Not that it ever stopped me.

I am an engineer. Most people realize I am an important ally. I am very good at navigating politics and talking to customers... Which is rare for engineers.

Some people will call me difficult or a bitch... Just like all the other smart women in my industry. Everyone else wants to work for me or with me because I protect my people and treat the well. I won't be intimidated and some men can't handle it. So ... Call me a bitch... You won't last.

[Anonymous]

Are these old people coworkers or clients?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are these old people coworkers or clients?

Other lawyers at things like bar association events and once a client. Everyone at my firm knows I'm a lawyer.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand why people can't get their own coffee.

[Anonymous]

Your a lawyer, sue them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a certain cadre of folks, mainly old men, who will think you're the secretary no matter how professional you look or how you act.

Personally, I'm just waiting for them to die out. And looking forward to it.

+1

It's not about how you dress, or act, or your 'presence' in the room. This is sexism at work, plain and simple.

Yes, while dressing can make a difference (and it's a good idea to pay attention to it), the reality is that it's not fair to make women have to spend a lot of energy trying to fit in. It's like black men having to carry the Wall Street Journal in order to allay the fears of white people. Yes, why not do it, if it will help but there's whole categories of people who don't have to think about this and that's an advantage for them.

But nowhere did I say or imply that I wasn't already dressing and acting that way. That you assume I must have been to encounter this means you're part of the problem.

But you do come across as a PITA. And an ungrateful one at that.

Which parts were ungrateful?

You're a lawyer with a job, yes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are these old people coworkers or clients?

Other lawyers at things like bar association events and once a client. Everyone at my firm knows I'm a lawyer.

My secretary has never come to a bar association event.

[Anonymous]

Grow a beard and a mustache. I find that people with beards and mustaches aren't asked if they are the secretary. Also helps if you smoke a pipe. Downside is that people may ask for presents thinking that you are Santa Claus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Grow a beard and a mustache. I find that people with beards and mustaches aren't asked if they are the secretary. Also helps if you smoke a pipe. Downside is that people may ask for presents thinking that you are Santa Claus.

What? You're a woman? This is 2014 people. There is a little thing called topical testosterone if you have trouble growing a mustache and a beard. In the 21st century all women have the option to rock facial hair. You have options. Hellooo...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: the reality is that it's not fair to make women have to spend a lot of energy trying to fit in. .

Waaah, waaah, waaah, shut the hell up.

You think I like having to wear a suit and tie and dress shoes every day? I don't! Especially in the summer! But I have to because that's what the boss expects.

And yet I also note that a lot of women in this area get away with dressing unprofessionally at work, obviously they never get called on it, and still they whine about fairness.

You sound insufferable. I don't know if you are of the generation we're all waiting to have die out - something tells me you are really young- but your cluelessness marks ypu as part of that group anyway.
Boo hoo, your tie is uncomfortable. Do you seriously think this equates!?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 46, dress very well and am still asked if I am the secretary.

If they ask me to take notes in a meeting I ask them if they will get me coffee.

I like this response. Not bold enough to say it. Would you say it to your boss?

Yes. But I am bold. Once, in front of my boss, a coworker cut me off and told me I only deserved 5 minutes of his time. The next meeting I introduced him as "the 5 minute man". He ask for a truce.

Pp, are you an attorney? If not, what line of work are you in?

I find that if women are bold, they are called difficult and bitches.

That is very true in every profession. Not that it ever stopped me.

NP here. The "five-minute man" cracked me up. I always wished I could think on my feet that quickly with the snappy comeback. Being able to be even tempered and using humour to defuse a situation is a skill.