Get so much attention from single women. Nothing from wife

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09/02/2014 13:58

Subject: Get so much attention from single women. Nothing from wife

quote

Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your wife takes you for granted, OP. She's bored & you're not a priority. Some PP said, "try talking to her." It's worth a shot, but, "you take me for granted. You're bored and I'm not a priority to you." isn't going to make her interested in you. Most likely, she'll give you a list of things she wants you to do to make her life easier. Then, when you do those things, she still won't want to have sex with her, because you aren't entitled to sex. Sex isn't something you trade for or earn.

If you gave her a corresponding list of things she could do for you to make your life easier, think she'd do them? Or do you think she'd laugh at you for making the suggestion?

But those women who were flirting with you would get bored too, sooner or later. Only solution is to move from one to the next or accept sexlessness for the rest of your life.

*sigh*

This would be a big communication fail. Did you never at least learn the basics of an "I feel" statement? Not to mention that presuming you know the answer is never a productive way to start a conversation. Try something more like, "It seems like we hardly ever have sex anymore, and I miss it. I feel disconnected from you, and I miss the way we used to be together." Edit this to be emotionally honest, but try to remember you're talking to someone you presumably care about. See what her answer is and respond to that, not to the dialogue you've written in your head. Find out what she thinks she needs, and consider whether you're willing to give her that. If you're not willing to work with her, or you do but you don't see her making an effort in turn, then at least you know where your marriage stands.

I've had these conversations before. I get some variation of "I don't know. I want to want to be in the mood to have sex with you, but I just never am. You're not doing anything wrong. I think you are attractive." This is followed by a week or two of awkwardness because I've drawn attention to the sexless elephant in the room of our marriage.

So, am I to understand that most women who aren't in the mood for sex have a pretty specific idea of why they aren't in the mood?

I feel like a kindergarten teacher here.

This is the point where you respond to her answer, you don't just throw your hands up and withdraw. "It sounds like this is something neither of us is thrilled with. Would you be willing to see your doctor in case there's a physiological reason you're not interested?"

If she agrees, then you know she's at least willing to work on it for your sake and the sake of the marriage. If she refuses (or says she will be never follows up), then you have a pretty glaring sign that she's not interested in changing things. At which point you could suggest marriage counseling, or decide to live with it, or decide you'd like a divorce. I'd encourage trying the first option before resorting to the second or third if you care about your marriage.