My SIL called me a bitch, my husband a jackass, and made fun on my 3 year old

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. NP here and I too thought that maybe he sexually abused her.

Maybe she came on to him and he rebuked her. That happened in a friend's family. Hell hath not fury...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister hates me. I'm 10 years younger and idolized her. But when I grew up and had my own ideas and opinions, she started being mean. I won't go into all the drama, but there was no abuse, she just flipped. She's like this towards a couple other people, but perfectly nice to everyone else.

Sadly, I understand your situation all too well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she's jealous?

I'm extremely suspicious when people throw out the "j" word for sibling fallouts. It's a copout excuse, 98% of the time, to dismiss or draw attention away from bad behavior or treatment - even if there was no sexual abuse.

[Anonymous]

Why would you assume she hates her brother for no reason? (Why would you assume ANYONE hates any other person for no reason?) Obviously there is a reason. You just don't know what it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she's jealous?

I'm extremely suspicious when people throw out the "j" word for sibling fallouts. It's a copout excuse, 98% of the time, to dismiss or draw attention away from bad behavior or treatment - even if there was no sexual abuse.

Saying she is jealous does not preclude bad behavior or treatment. In my family of origin jealousy was rampant toward the child who was treated better and it resulted in fractured relationships as adults. The problem was how how my parents treated their children. My brother (the favored child) was hated by 2 of my siblings because he was favored and they have nothing to do with him. I don't blame him for being favored. That was my parent's short coming not his. So yes, jealousy can be the appropriate word in these situations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she's jealous?

I'm extremely suspicious when people throw out the "j" word for sibling fallouts. It's a copout excuse, 98% of the time, to dismiss or draw attention away from bad behavior or treatment - even if there was no sexual abuse.

Saying she is jealous does not preclude bad behavior or treatment. In my family of origin jealousy was rampant toward the child who was treated better and it resulted in fractured relationships as adults. The problem was how how my parents treated their children. My brother (the favored child) was hated by 2 of my siblings because he was favored and they have nothing to do with him. I don't blame him for being favored. That was my parent's short coming not his. So yes, jealousy can be the appropriate word in these situations.

I'm the PP who suggested jealousy, barring physical abuse. It seems that the youngest boy is often heavily favored in families. Totally anecdotal but IME that can be the case. So if baby brother is the star and has the spouse and kid that big sis doesn't have (maybe she wants that, maybe she doesn't), it is easy to see how that would breed resentment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she's jealous?

I'm extremely suspicious when people throw out the "j" word for sibling fallouts. It's a copout excuse, 98% of the time, to dismiss or draw attention away from bad behavior or treatment - even if there was no sexual abuse.

I don't know- I often think that there are people who are very jealous of their siblings, who often have no reason to be, that causes a lot of drama. The jealous sibling perceives the other person's life to be somehow much rosier, etc. than reality and that's where the jealousy comes in and ruins dynamics.

[Anonymous]

Unacceptable. My FIL went off on my husband for the dumbest of reasons when my now 5 year old was 8 months old. He did this in front of her, but I was thankfully not there or else all hell would have broken loose. I backed my husband in how he wanted to handle it, which was until both he and myself received an apology, they were out of our lives. My husband was adamant that he apologize to me too because his actions disrespected my daughter and of course my husband. I agreed to that condition, and we moved forward. But this is nuts. No hell way would I ever put myself in that woman's path voluntarily.

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

OP, its time for a dose of reality.

She might be jealous. BUT.... to make fun of your son? That takes a serious level of hate. For such strong words, I just can't believe that DH has NO CLUE why she hates him so much.

So. *sigh*

-You can keep doing what you've been doing.

-You can ask mean SIL what the hell her problem is.

-You can (and should) talk to DH about what has been going on, and hell, even tell him that you posted here and many people mentioned the possibility of sexual abuse. It even crossed my mind as I was reading your post and felt even more strongly about it once I read the other responses. He may be hurt by it (if it isn't true), but at this point, you deserve the truth.

-You could as the other sister what he heck has happened in the past.

-And, forgive me for this, but: For goodness sake, please use paragraphs. That was one long ass slab of a post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, its time for a dose of reality.

She might be jealous. BUT.... to make fun of your son? That takes a serious level of hate. For such strong words, I just can't believe that DH has NO CLUE why she hates him so much.

So. *sigh*

-You can keep doing what you've been doing.

-You can ask mean SIL what the hell her problem is.

-You can (and should) talk to DH about what has been going on, and hell, even tell him that you posted here and many people mentioned the possibility of sexual abuse. It even crossed my mind as I was reading your post and felt even more strongly about it once I read the other responses. He may be hurt by it (if it isn't true), but at this point, you deserve the truth.

-You could as the other sister what he heck has happened in the past.

-And, forgive me for this, but: For goodness sake, please use paragraphs. That was one long ass slab of a post.

Lucky you pp, you don't have experience with a family showing this level of hatred to another, FOR NO REASON. At least no reason they are willing to give, and I have seen this in opposite genders. Sometimes people are crazy and fixate on a single person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:SOMETHING happened, and SOMEONE knows. I find it hard to believe that your husband has absolutely no idea why his sister hates him.

Yup. Until you get to the bottom of this, you'll never have answers.
In the meantime it's pretty obvious you all just need to be done with her completely. If anyone asks, you can simply say that there is clearly water under the bridge that no one is speaking about yet it clearly is affecting her ability to be civil around the three of you. So for now you'll just keep apart until someone agrees to help everyone come to an understanding.

[Anonymous]

NP - This thread was started 5 days ago and I don't see OP responding at all to the abundant skepticism re: her DH having no idea why his sister has hated him for 20yrs. Unpacking that is the 1st piece of the puzzle but when an OP doesn't come back for this long to respond it makes me think either OP herself isn't being straight up or it was a fake post to start with.

[Anonymous]

OP-

Are you coming back? Did you talk to your husband about this?

[Anonymous]

BUMP