Inheriting house together with sibling...who wants to move in - WWYD?
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Anonymous
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If they can't afford to buy you out at market price, then force the sale of the house.
Have you considered yearly property taxes? If you co-own the house with someone and the other person doesn't pay their share of the taxes, you'll still be liable. What about maintenance and repairs? Who pays for that? You don't want to be a landlord to family. And you really don't want to be a bank for your family. What happens if sibling B falls on hard times and chooses to pay private school over their mortgage to you? Are you really prepared to take legal action? Either Sibling B finds a way to buy you out at market price (maybe that means a combination of using the rest of their inheritance plus a mortgage and forgoing private) or you sell the house. If you think letting them live there under some other arrangement will avoid tension, I think you are deluding yourself. It only opens the door for tension down the road. |
Anonymous
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Another vote for sell. It's hard because there are only two of you but there is not any other practical solution. Options 2 and 2 would lead to you forfeiting your inheritance to your sister, and even if you don't need the money, there will be resentment down the road.
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Anonymous
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I don't know how the sentiment was expressed in person, but reading it here, sibling B's stated feelings of "attachment to the house" just sound manipulative. Who WOULDN'T feel attached to a $3 million house with no mortgage?
Also, I think there's a real risk that once Sibling B is living in that house and sending her kids to private school, she'll feel the need to start living the rest of that life, and the money they'd allegedly be saving to pay off Sibling A is going to go to BMWs and elite summer camps and all the other things that people in $3m houses with kids in privates buy. Finally, the thing about "she envisions it as her home until retirement" just sounds entitled to me. I think there is no way this situation works out well for Sibling A. |
Anonymous
| What is dynamic between A and B? Are you close? Sounds like she is the classic entitled younger sibling. |
Anonymous
| OP, please tell us how it works out. I understand the generous desire to help your sibling, but in the long run it will lead to tension and animosity. I think your sister is asking a great deal and using the emotions of the situation to cover herself. I am not implying she is trying to take advantage of you, but even if unintentionally, she is overstepping. |
Anonymous
| Sell it. She can't afford the lifestyle she wants and it isn't up to you to make sure she can. |
Anonymous
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10:07 here. This is why I was glad my parents stipulated in their wills that other than anything already allocated, everything was to be sold, and any profits split evenly.
They have since sold the house themselves, and my brother and I have been given what our parents wanted us to have as far as possessions. I hope it goes ok, OP. |
Anonymous
| I am glad I am an only child. |
Anonymous
+1 harsh but true. |
Anonymous
| She has probably been planning to live there and cheat her way into the upper society for a while. Disgusting. |
Anonymous
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Sibling A: you had to have seen this coming. It makes me wonder if you want to be the care-taking brother and be loved for it (but still have the opportunity to be a little mad about it after the fact)
Forget it. Siblings are better off when they see each other as equals - when they respect each other. Are you wanting to be a martyr? I truly ask ONLY because I've got to believe you've known this scenario was coming! |
Anonymous
+ 1,000 
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Anonymous
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OP here - thanks all for the great insight/advice.
My sister *is* used to having things taken care of for her by my parents (one might call this being babied, and I think my Mom liked it as much as my sis, tbh, since it gave her something to do/worry over). My parents made it known well before their death that we'd be inheriting the house - and my assumption was that we'd sell it. Apparently my sister "has always dreamed of" living in the house after their death, but it's not something we ever really talked about. We generally have a great relationship, but I do think she's trying to take on more than she can afford. I tend toward low-conflict, but I can see from what PPs have written that the path of least resistance right now will probably lead to even bigger problems in the future. I think the reasonable thing to do is sell. I'll probably wait until the dust has settled a little bit before sitting her down for a tough conversation. |
Anonymous
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OP here again - To add, I think part of why she finds this so upsetting is that my family and I actually could afford to buy her out and live there if we wanted to. We just don't. So she sees it as us having had our opportunity and since we're not taking advantage, she should. Or something.
My parents spent a lot of time and $ "evening out" things between us so she'd have the same things as me/my family (paid for her car, grad school tuition, etc.) when I got them through working hard and taking risks. I'm not sure she realizes that's not how the real world works, though she is rational in other domains. |
Anonymous
| A will can easily divide a family unfortunately as I witnessed in my family. Is there someone that you can hire - like an estate attorney that can "be the heavy". He/she can draw up different plans with monetary amounts attached and present them to you and your sister and that can be the starting point of a conversation. That way you are not presenting the news directly to your sister. I personally think that your sister thinks that you will let her live there rent free because you are already established with a home/family. She may be trying to take advantage of your good will. And it will cause worse issues later on because I'm sure she wouldn't vacate a 3 million dollar house without a fight. |