Minorities at Private School

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:being a minority DOES matter, because first of all they don't think you should be there whether it's because you're "not financially" set OR smart enough. i am african american and attended a private school through 12th grade and I have 2 kids in private schools since PP. we teach them to be themselves and have confidence...it is a must. friendships change in 2nd grade, as non-minority kids are taught certain behaviors and about race. SO RACE DOES MATTER!

I am the pp who said it only matters if you let it matter.

I am sorry PP but that has not been my experience. It may be because I come from an "all black" country and I have never felt conscious of my race - never. So I guess I just don't see what an African American sees. In mine and my family's experiences we have not suffered from racism. We have always done our best academically and professionally and have been rewarded accordingly. I have never had cause to question any treatment of me or my family in the light of racism. I have had similar conversations with friends from the same part of the world as myself and their experiences have been similar. We just do not think about our color - we set our faces to the flint and get on with it and I am teaching my DS to do the same. I have made some good friends of the parents in DS's school - both black and white and my experience has been positive. The black parents are very happy with the environment our kids are in and have sent 2nd and 3rd kids along the same path.

I repeat that I am NOT saying that racism does not exist but I do know that my experience in the circles I mix in has been positive. I admit that my DC is still young and that we have only lived in the USA for 6 years but I am still hoping for the best. IMO if my DC does his best in school, is respected by his teachers and classmates, and makes a few good friends he has done well. He does not have to be loved by everyone.

[Anonymous]

Good luck. PP. Your DC will be raised here, not there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good luck. PP. Your DC will be raised here, not there.

Not necessrily. Not sure where "there" is however we are an international couple and he may very well not be raised here - we are just here for now - but thanks for you kind concern. I wish you all the best too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good luck. PP. Your DC will be raised here, not there.

Also I left "there" when I was very young too and lived in the USA as a child, in Germany and in the UK. I stand by my assertion

[Anonymous]

We are glad that there are places in this world that are free of racism, but pahleese, do not minimize what African American families have been through. Especially if you weren't here to experience it. There is a reason that OP asked the question. Racism is a part of American history. So we have to be real. I too am foreign born, so I understand where you are coming from. But I live here and this is American reality.

[Anonymous]

OP: Thanks for the replies. I just hope that where ever we send our child, there will be other children like her. I agree with the comment about how things get more complicated in adolescence. At that age I would like her to have understanding peers that she can confide in. Sometimes that means another child that has had similar experiences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

preschoolteacher wrote:I went to private schools all my life until high school. I hated it. In all my grades I was the only person of color. I was never invited to go to the mall, movies, parties or outings. No one sat with me at lunch, talked to me, or anything. I would beg my grandmother to let me go to public school just so I could fit in. Besides being alienated, the teasing was horrible. I was called tar baby, blackie, classmates said I had AIDS and my grandmother smokes crack. These were the worst years of my life. I would come home in tears. I would cry not to go to school, Friday couldn't come quick enough. I was so happy when I moved back with my mom and went to public school.

I am really sorry for your experience. I also the only black girl in the private school I attended although that was in the UK. I had none of those experinces and was well liked by both schoolmates and teachers alike. I was also elected as head girl - a British concept where one pupil is chosen both by teachers and pupils to head the school. I am not saying there is no racism but I don't think you find it in all private schools where there are few minorities.

I have to say though as the child of West Indian parents with many cousins who live in UK--also lived there myself during law school--black Britishers never seemed to resist the kinds racists affronts that would make a black American reel. Every of all stripes seems to accept white as the dominant and superior culture. Until recently I would say that was true for Europe as well -- until the recent troubles in France, minorities were really in denial about how damaged they had been by institutionalized racism.

[Anonymous]

I think it does matter to a child's self-esteem of they are one of the very few or the only child from a minority group. In all the elementary schools, at some point, they always talk about skin color, and all three of my sons noticed that their skin color was darker. They would tell me that mine was light "or peach colored" and I said no, it is dark like theirs. This happened with race as well as with religion. It is also very important to have children from your own group who are of hte same sex in the class. Though the children may be very happy at the school, as a parent I can see that they are beginning to understand that everyone is not the same -- and hey! they are in the smaller group. As you know, children's goal in life is to be the same as others -- they don't want to stand out. Therefore they need a certain critical mass of similar kids in terms of outward characteristics to feel comfortable deep inside. There is no way around it -- I'm sorry. I have had the same experiences with my kids and though one of my son was one of the few minority children in the class, he had to manage since it was more important to me that he get a good education.

However, I would strongly suggest that you make sure that other non-white families feel comfortable there. Ask those who have been at the school for at least 3 years since for the first two years at any school -- parents love the school and can't see its flaws.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

preschoolteacher wrote:I went to private schools all my life until high school. I hated it. In all my grades I was the only person of color. I was never invited to go to the mall, movies, parties or outings. No one sat with me at lunch, talked to me, or anything. I would beg my grandmother to let me go to public school just so I could fit in. Besides being alienated, the teasing was horrible. I was called tar baby, blackie, classmates said I had AIDS and my grandmother smokes crack. These were the worst years of my life. I would come home in tears. I would cry not to go to school, Friday couldn't come quick enough. I was so happy when I moved back with my mom and went to public school.

I am really sorry for your experience. I also the only black girl in the private school I attended although that was in the UK. I had none of those experinces and was well liked by both schoolmates and teachers alike. I was also elected as head girl - a British concept where one pupil is chosen both by teachers and pupils to head the school. I am not saying there is no racism but I don't think you find it in all private schools where there are few minorities.

I have to say though as the child of West Indian parents with many cousins who live in UK--also lived there myself during law school--black Britishers never seemed to resist the kinds racists affronts that would make a black American reel. Every of all stripes seems to accept white as the dominant and superior culture. Until recently I would say that was true for Europe as well -- until the recent troubles in France, minorities were really in denial about how damaged they had been by institutionalized racism.

I lived in London for two years and I totally agree with this statement. People seemed so content with their "subjugated" position in life. This is not only true of the minority population, but also the "lower classes" in general.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

preschoolteacher wrote:I went to private schools all my life until high school. I hated it. In all my grades I was the only person of color. I was never invited to go to the mall, movies, parties or outings. No one sat with me at lunch, talked to me, or anything. I would beg my grandmother to let me go to public school just so I could fit in. Besides being alienated, the teasing was horrible. I was called tar baby, blackie, classmates said I had AIDS and my grandmother smokes crack. These were the worst years of my life. I would come home in tears. I would cry not to go to school, Friday couldn't come quick enough. I was so happy when I moved back with my mom and went to public school.

I am really sorry for your experience. I also the only black girl in the private school I attended although that was in the UK. I had none of those experinces and was well liked by both schoolmates and teachers alike. I was also elected as head girl - a British concept where one pupil is chosen both by teachers and pupils to head the school. I am not saying there is no racism but I don't think you find it in all private schools where there are few minorities.

I have to say though as the child of West Indian parents with many cousins who live in UK--also lived there myself during law school--black Britishers never seemed to resist the kinds racists affronts that would make a black American reel. Every of all stripes seems to accept white as the dominant and superior culture. Until recently I would say that was true for Europe as well -- until the recent troubles in France, minorities were really in denial about how damaged they had been by institutionalized racism.

I lived in London for two years and I totally agree with this statement. People seemed so content with their "subjugated" position in life. This is not only true of the minority population, but also the "lower classes" in general.

I am the poster who did not experience racism. With respect, I was not in any way "subjugated". I went to a top school, a top uni, had a top job, and lived in a lovely neighbourhood. I have never experienced any racist affronts. Please also note that while I did attend school in the UK I am not British. I really do think that if you grow up in an all black country you do not look for racism because you do not really think about your colour and people you deal with recognise that you are not held captive by your colour and therefore treat you differently. In short, I don't really care if you don't like me because of my colour as long as it does not result in you treating me differently and it never has. the same applies in the USA. We have lived here over 5 years now and I just don't think about my colour. It never occurs to me that I may be treated differently because of it and so far I have not been or I have not noticed if I have. If a shop detective follows me around as some claim they do I would be oblivious because I never think about that when I walk into a shop.

Now that I have a son-he is mixed race- I do worry about him because he has not had the privilege, as I had, of growing up in a country where a person is not judged by the colour of their skin and the resulting strength that comes from that. I am aware that growing up in a predominantly white country where you are constantly faced with stereotypes about people that are different will definitely affect the way such people view themselves. It is harder for those people to not make their difference a part of their identity. Don't get me wrong - I fully understand where the issues about race evolve. My point was not to say there is no racism - that would be foolhardy- merely to say that there are ways to rise above it and I hope to God that my son can be like me in that regard.

[maynie]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

preschoolteacher wrote:I went to private schools all my life until high school. I hated it. In all my grades I was the only person of color. I was never invited to go to the mall, movies, parties or outings. No one sat with me at lunch, talked to me, or anything. I would beg my grandmother to let me go to public school just so I could fit in. Besides being alienated, the teasing was horrible. I was called tar baby, blackie, classmates said I had AIDS and my grandmother smokes crack. These were the worst years of my life. I would come home in tears. I would cry not to go to school, Friday couldn't come quick enough. I was so happy when I moved back with my mom and went to public school.

I am really sorry for your experience. I also the only black girl in the private school I attended although that was in the UK. I had none of those experinces and was well liked by both schoolmates and teachers alike. I was also elected as head girl - a British concept where one pupil is chosen both by teachers and pupils to head the school. I am not saying there is no racism but I don't think you find it in all private schools where there are few minorities.

I have to say though as the child of West Indian parents with many cousins who live in UK--also lived there myself during law school--black Britishers never seemed to resist the kinds racists affronts that would make a black American reel. Every of all stripes seems to accept white as the dominant and superior culture. Until recently I would say that was true for Europe as well -- until the recent troubles in France, minorities were really in denial about how damaged they had been by institutionalized racism.

I lived in London for two years and I totally agree with this statement. People seemed so content with their "subjugated" position in life. This is not only true of the minority population, but also the "lower classes" in general.

I am the poster who did not experience racism. With respect, I was not in any way "subjugated". I went to a top school, a top uni, had a top job, and lived in a lovely neighbourhood. I have never experienced any racist affronts. Please also note that while I did attend school in the UK I am not British. I really do think that if you grow up in an all black country you do not look for racism because you do not really think about your colour and people you deal with recognise that you are not held captive by your colour and therefore treat you differently. In short, I don't really care if you don't like me because of my colour as long as it does not result in you treating me differently and it never has. the same applies in the USA. We have lived here over 5 years now and I just don't think about my colour. It never occurs to me that I may be treated differently because of it and so far I have not been or I have not noticed if I have. If a shop detective follows me around as some claim they do I would be oblivious because I never think about that when I walk into a shop.

Now that I have a son-he is mixed race- I do worry about him because he has not had the privilege, as I had, of growing up in a country where a person is not judged by the colour of their skin and the resulting strength that comes from that. I am aware that growing up in a predominantly white country where you are constantly faced with stereotypes about people that are different will definitely affect the way such people view themselves. It is harder for those people to not make their difference a part of their identity. Don't get me wrong - I fully understand where the issues about race evolve. My point was not to say there is no racism - that would be foolhardy- merely to say that there are ways to rise above it and I hope to God that my son can be like me in that regard.

I agree with most of what you say here. I would like to point out that even though the us is one country there are so many differences from state to state, cities and even from one town to the next. I grew up in Northern VA and didn't realize for a long time that the rest of the country can be very different in terms of diversity. I feel like we are very lucky to have such a mix of different people here. There's many places in the US where that is not the case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think that the gender thing matters. We are also biracial, but we have a daughter. There have been problems at school with other girls related to the princess thing (thanks Disney). I am glad that the pp has had good experiences, but don't assume that because things have been good for you that others have had the same experience, especially the girls.

addalin. She is not white. Sorry, don't blame disney if your child is insecure about her race.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that the gender thing matters. We are also biracial, but we have a daughter. There have been problems at school with other girls related to the princess thing (thanks Disney). I am glad that the pp has had good experiences, but don't assume that because things have been good for you that others have had the same experience, especially the girls.

addalin. She is not white. Sorry, don't blame disney if your child is insecure about her race.

You really think that Aladdin is the only Disney Princess Movie. And you really believe that the poster is solely "blaming' 1 movie for reinforcing stereotypes. Stop it.

[Anonymous]

I posted the Disney thing. My dd plays princess with her friends, and they dress up. Her "friends" told her that she could not be a princess because she did not have long straight hair. She was also told that the blond princesses were the most beautiful. It is not just Disney (Jasmine has long straight hair and olive skin), it is our culture that is reflected by Disney.
By the way, Disney is due to come out with a movie with an African American Princess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I posted the Disney thing. My dd plays princess with her friends, and they dress up. Her "friends" told her that she could not be a princess because she did not have long straight hair. She was also told that the blond princesses were the most beautiful. It is not just Disney (Jasmine has long straight hair and olive skin), it is our culture that is reflected by Disney.
By the way, Disney is due to come out with a movie with an African American Princess.

there are a lot of curly haired white girls out there. My daughter has always been told ALL girls are princesses, She believes this, why should she not. Unless, I as the parent, gave her a doubt. What are you people saying to your children?