Honestly: is 41 too old to have a baby?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kid’s perspective. Mom was 40 and Dad was 45 when I was born.

Things I remember...

I knew/realized they were older, especially in the town where I grew up where older parents were quite uncommon. But age, in and of itself, did not seem to matter regarding day-to-day parenting.

My mom and dad had a terrible marriage; mom was deeply depressed and unhappy. However, I don't think their age impacted that based on reports from my much older siblings.

Had a wonderful relationship with my dad. I did always worry that he was "older," and that he would die “too soon.” (I was a worrier as a kid and still am.) Got really pissed a few times when I was young and people thought he was my grandpa. But in the grand scheme of parental relationships, I don't think these things were a big deal.

My dad died when I was 28. It was crushing and awful. I still miss him 12 years later. I wish he met my kids. But I wouldn't change who my dad was for anyone, and I certainly don't begrudge that he had me later in life. I'm so, so, so thankful for the 28 years I had with him.

At the end of the day if you love your kids while you are here, and give them the support and structure they need, I honestly don’t think 25 v. 35 v. 45 matters.

Ever occur to you that your mom was deeply depressed and unhappy because she had her kids so late in life and at that time cut off from her friends and relatives whose kids were grown and out of the nest. Do you think she wanted to be at an Elementary school PTA meeting when she was 50 and your dad 55?
Ever think your dear dad might have worked himself to death supporting you? Still with kids in high school at 65? Still paying for college in his late 60s? Sounds restful to me. No wonder he finally rested at age 73. Sounds like he just barely got you through college, assuming you did go to college. He had 5 years not supporting you! Dear old Dad and depressed old Mom!
No, age doesn't make a difference when all you think about is yourself.

Not the poster you are replying to, but geez you seem to have serious issues to respond so hatefully.

[Anonymous]

Ever occur to you that your mom was deeply depressed and unhappy because she had her kids so late in life and at that time cut off from her friends and relatives whose kids were grown and out of the nest. Do you think she wanted to be at an Elementary school PTA meeting when she was 50 and your dad 55?
Ever think your dear dad might have worked himself to death supporting you? Still with kids in high school at 65? Still paying for college in his late 60s? Sounds restful to me. No wonder he finally rested at age 73. Sounds like he just barely got you through college, assuming you did go to college. He had 5 years not supporting you! Dear old Dad and depressed old Mom!
No, age doesn't make a difference when all you think about is yourself.


Cannot believe you would hatefully psychoanalyze a family you have never met, anonymously over the internet, and speculate on the mental state of people who have died. This reflects on your own damaged mental state, and not any other person or when they had their babies or anything else. Nutjob.

[Anonymous]

Totally agree. So sad for kids to have older parents who won't be around for them when they have their own kids. Some witches here envision they can just snap their fingers and will live to be 90...not going to happen for most.

Anonymous wrote:Definitely too old. I really wish this trend of 40+ Moms would go away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Totally agree. So sad for kids to have older parents who won't be around for them when they have their own kids. Some witches here envision they can just snap their fingers and will live to be 90...not going to happen for most.

Anonymous wrote:Definitely too old. I really wish this trend of 40+ Moms would go away.

Troll.

[Anonymous]

No -- just a realist OP -- look at actuarial charts if you don't believe me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kid’s perspective. Mom was 40 and Dad was 45 when I was born.

Things I remember...

I knew/realized they were older, especially in the town where I grew up where older parents were quite uncommon. But age, in and of itself, did not seem to matter regarding day-to-day parenting.

My mom and dad had a terrible marriage; mom was deeply depressed and unhappy. However, I don't think their age impacted that based on reports from my much older siblings.

Had a wonderful relationship with my dad. I did always worry that he was "older," and that he would die “too soon.” (I was a worrier as a kid and still am.) Got really pissed a few times when I was young and people thought he was my grandpa. But in the grand scheme of parental relationships, I don't think these things were a big deal.

My dad died when I was 28. It was crushing and awful. I still miss him 12 years later. I wish he met my kids. But I wouldn't change who my dad was for anyone, and I certainly don't begrudge that he had me later in life. I'm so, so, so thankful for the 28 years I had with him.

At the end of the day if you love your kids while you are here, and give them the support and structure they need, I honestly don’t think 25 v. 35 v. 45 matters.

Ever occur to you that your mom was deeply depressed and unhappy because she had her kids so late in life and at that time cut off from her friends and relatives whose kids were grown and out of the nest. Do you think she wanted to be at an Elementary school PTA meeting when she was 50 and your dad 55?
Ever think your dear dad might have worked himself to death supporting you? Still with kids in high school at 65? Still paying for college in his late 60s? Sounds restful to me. No wonder he finally rested at age 73. Sounds like he just barely got you through college, assuming you did go to college. He had 5 years not supporting you! Dear old Dad and depressed old Mom!
No, age doesn't make a difference when all you think about is yourself.

I'm not sure what you are suggesting here. The PP did not exactly ask to be born. This is the way things worked out for that family. Why is the child selfish for being born to older parents???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not true. Adoption cut-off is different everywhere.

re-phrase, adoption cut off varies, but 45 yo is the last straw. so at least one of the parents has to be 45 or younger.

[Anonymous]

New poster here. I would say that OP should not worry so much about what others may think and just go for it. Who knows what the new norm will be in 20 - 30 years from now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Definitely too old. I really wish this trend of 40+ Moms would go away.

Why? (honest question... not trying to be snarky)

Plainly, because it's a racket. IVF doctors and clinics are scam artists preying on desperate women. They give false expectations and are all about the exorbitant amount they charge for their services. The cost to insurance companies (if it's covered) is huge with little gurantee of a "return on investment".

The probability of a SN child is high and along with that comes increased healthcare costs associated with having a SN child.

Older woman are more reliant on childcare, because their parents are too old to assist with childcare needs. The increase in demand is what now have folks paying $15+ hour for a babysitter.

Older parents have the responsibility of raising children while also saving for college & retirement. Contrary to what many want you to believe, not all 40+ parents are well to do and financially set. It's a financial juggle for many.

Older parents increase the likelihood that they will die while their children are young(er) and/or have significant health conditions that may become a burden on their children.

So, yeah, while it CAN be done, it really shouldn't be seen as the way to go. Women should not fall for the idea that it's okay to delay parenthood for 20+ years because "there's time". While there are many women who struggle for many years with IF, there are also just as many who started late because they knew IVF was an option.

[Anonymous]

I say go for it! 41 is still young and you will never regret it. Enjoy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not true. Adoption cut-off is different everywhere.

re-phrase, adoption cut off varies, but 45 yo is the last straw. so at least one of the parents has to be 45 or younger.

Wrong again. Stop talking. The more you post, the stupider you sound.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not true. Adoption cut-off is different everywhere.

re-phrase, adoption cut off varies, but 45 yo is the last straw. so at least one of the parents has to be 45 or younger.

Wrong again. Stop talking. The more you post, the stupider you sound.

TROLL

[Anonymous]

OP, I think what you've learned here is that 40s is only too old if you can't handle being judged by judgmental people. It's all very nice to get on one's high horse and say everyone should reproduce by 32 but that's not the question on the table. We make choices and in delaying procreation you chose to invest in yourself and make yourself a better parent than you would have been at 25. In this part of the country, at this point in history, that's not a rare choice. The risk is you may have a kid who needs a better parent or it may be harder on you (physically or financially) to get a kid than it would have been. Can you handle that? If so, you're not too old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not true. Adoption cut-off is different everywhere.

re-phrase, adoption cut off varies, but 45 yo is the last straw. so at least one of the parents has to be 45 or younger.

Wrong again. Stop talking. The more you post, the stupider you sound.

TROLL

I'm not sure who is supposed to be the troll here - but 45 is not the cut-off. Each adoption agency has its own limits on what they will accept. And each country which allows Americans to adopt - has their own limits too. I know several folks over 45 who have adopted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Definitely too old. I really wish this trend of 40+ Moms would go away.

Why? (honest question... not trying to be snarky)

Plainly, because it's a racket. IVF doctors and clinics are scam artists preying on desperate women. They give false expectations and are all about the exorbitant amount they charge for their services. The cost to insurance companies (if it's covered) is huge with little gurantee of a "return on investment".

The probability of a SN child is high and along with that comes increased healthcare costs associated with having a SN child.

Older woman are more reliant on childcare, because their parents are too old to assist with childcare needs. The increase in demand is what now have folks paying $15+ hour for a babysitter.

Older parents have the responsibility of raising children while also saving for college & retirement. Contrary to what many want you to believe, not all 40+ parents are well to do and financially set. It's a financial juggle for many.

Older parents increase the likelihood that they will die while their children are young(er) and/or have significant health conditions that may become a burden on their children.

So, yeah, while it CAN be done, it really shouldn't be seen as the way to go. Women should not fall for the idea that it's okay to delay parenthood for 20+ years because "there's time". While there are many women who struggle for many years with IF, there are also just as many who started late because they knew IVF was an option.

I just hate the assumption that women "CHOSE" to delay parenting or are somehow oblivious to the statistics. I didn't choose to have kids later. I would've GLADLY had them sooner. I didn't find a partner until later.