I have a low tolerance for my picky eating ILs

[Anonymous]

"It really puts me off people when they make a big deal about what they like and don't like. "

I agree w/this. I don't care if you're picky about certain things but I don't need to hear all the details and your list and a long story about all the stuff you hate and how you've never touched an avocado LOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This was one of those things I had to decide if I could deal with when I started dating my husband. It's easier to name the things he does eat than the things he doesn't: yes to burgers, fries, corn on the cob, pickles, chicken grilled or fried, apples and grapes, most sweets. Seriously, that's about it. No other vegetables, no other fruits, no sauces, no pasta, no rice, no soup, nothing ethnic. He would happily go with me to restaurants and sit and watch me eat. Never imposed on hosts, in fact hated it when anyone drew attention to his pickiness. (He had gastric bypass recently so isn't eating much of anything now.)

It runs in his family - father wont eat chicken but will eat pasta, but not much else differently. Mother says she's allergic to garlic but I'm not sure. They are all super sensitive to smells - my FIL goes berserk when MIL cooks pancakes. His sisters have at least broadened their tastes somewhat, although one sister also has an aversion to any white foods.

I have been able to live with it for nearly 15 years, but my biggest worry is how to not pass it onto our kids.

PP, you sound very kind and understanding toward your husband. As another picky eater, I just want to say how much I appreciate this kind approach. I am sure that, like me, your husband wishes that his palette were more expansive, for his own health and to make other people happy. Like your DH, the last thing I want to do is draw attention to my pickiness. I would never impose on a host/hostess for a special meal.

What bothers me, and it's especially triggered by reading the intolerant and unkind people on this thread, is how much OTHER people impose their food tastes on me when it's none of their business. Like, if I am at a family function and I don't eat most of what is being served, let's say I can find something out of the buffet to at least have one thing on my plate -- corn on the cob or pasta or something. Everyone else's plate will be piled high with all sorts of other stuff, so the relative sparseness of my plate will inevitably draw comment. Mind you, I'm not complaining! I've said nothing! I want no one to notice what I'm eating. But everyone else feels entitled to inventory what's on my plate. "Oh, Anne, you're not eating much!" "Oh, this is fine, thank you" "But you hardly have anything there!" "Oh, don't you know Anne doesn't eat pasta salad or potato salad?" "WHAT??!! Why not?!?" "This is just fine for me, thanks, it looks delicious!" "But how could you miss out on Aunt Millie's pasta salad? She has radishes from her garden in it?" "Oh, Anne doesn't eat radishes." "WHAT?! Doesn't eat RADISHES? What is wrong with you, Anne, they're delicious!"

Same thing happens at work buffets. We have a weekly Friday morning buffet at my office with all sorts of things that others enjoy but that I don't eat. I can't skip it altogether because that is commented on, so I typically quietly go through the line and take just a couple of things, like fresh fruit and a plain bagel (as opposed to lots of meat and cheese casseroles, breakfast burritos, etc.) "Anne! What are you on a diet or something?" "No, I already ate a big breakfast this morning, and this fruit will just hit the spot." "You already ate?! Why would you eat when Sam has made his delicious bacon egg and shell casserole again? You've got to try it!" "No, thank you, this is enough for me, this is delicious." "But you've tried it, haven't you?" "No, thank you, I haven't." "But you must! SAM! Anne has never had your breakfast casserole!" "ANNE! HERE! HERE! Take a piece! Let me put it on your plate, there is plenty of room." "No, really, Sam, thank you, I can't." "What, you don't eat bacon? But it's not pork bacon, it's beef bacon!" "Thank you for the offer, but no." "But WHY?!"

And on and on. If I tell Sam the truth that I don't eat casseroles made out of other people's kitchens because I'm allergic to peanuts and casseroles just make me anxious that a peanut may be in there, well, that clearly shows that I'm irrational. And Sam gets defensive. "But there's no peanut in there!" "I know, Sam, I understand. But I'd really just prefer not to have it. I already ate breakfast." "What, you don't TRUST ME?!? You think I've got PEANUTS all over my kitchen and don't know it?" "No, Sam, I'm sure your kitchen is fine. But I'm fine with what is on my plate, thank you for the offer." "But why won't you just TRY IT?"

One of the PP's above replied and said that picky eaters like me should always offer to pay to eat out at a restaurant. If I am staying with someone who is personally offended by the fact that I won't necessarily eat whatever she serves me (I don't request special meals, and if I am not asked, I'm not going to tell someone ahead of time that I won't eat something), of course I will offer to pay for us to go to a restaurant. So let's say we all agree to go to a Mexican restaurant (the menu for which I will have quietly previewed online to be sure they serve something that I will eat) and I order something I know I'll eat, like a chicken enchilada. Then I get, "But last time we were at a Mexican restaurant you ordered a chicken enchilada! You have to try the brain tacos!" "No, thanks, this sounds delicious." "But have just one of my brain tacos." "No, thank you, I prefer chicken." "WHY MUST YOU ALWAYS BE SO DIFFICULT?" "Anne is SUCH a picky eater! Did you know she won't eat radishes either?"

I don't walk around trying to provoke people with my food aversions. I don't want to trouble anyone. I really hate attention being drawn to it, and I truly am not intending to inconvenience anyone. I just don't know why so many people consider it their business.

Oh, Anne you sound like you would drive me batty. I know I would be offering you all sorts of tasty things I know you would like if you just tried them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh, Anne you sound like you would drive me batty. I know I would be offering you all sorts of tasty things I know you would like if you just tried them.

Anne here. It would be mutual batty-driving. By definition, I don't LIKE to try new foods. So the very act of trying them is something I won't like. Why would I do what I don't like to do, if I am happier not doing it? (Sometimes I do try new foods, and it is solely to satisfy the other person, not my own pleasure.)

I hated the ending of Green Eggs and Ham. I really just wanted to punch Sam I Am in the face.

[Anonymous]

My MIL has food intolerances that seem to change monthly. At every meal we have with her, she let's us know what she currently can't eat and what reactions she has had to the offending food. If she gets a headache or stuffy nose, she immediately chalks it up to something she ate. A friend drove 40 minutes to drop off a meal at our place after I had given birth. MIL was there and asks my friend if her meal had gluten in it because of course, she can't eat gluten (even though the meal was for me).

I think she has some kind of disorder. Any tips on how to handle this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, Anne you sound like you would drive me batty. I know I would be offering you all sorts of tasty things I know you would like if you just tried them.

Anne here. It would be mutual batty-driving. By definition, I don't LIKE to try new foods. So the very act of trying them is something I won't like. Why would I do what I don't like to do, if I am happier not doing it? (Sometimes I do try new foods, and it is solely to satisfy the other person, not my own pleasure.)

I hated the ending of Green Eggs and Ham. I really just wanted to punch Sam I Am in the face.

I hate it when people insist I try something. I'm not a child and am perfectly capable of making my own choices!

[Anonymous]

Just a warning here to parents: my dad made me clean my plate as a kid. I would have to sit and eat every bit of things that actually made me gag: squash, (all kinds cooked), peas, Brussels sprouts, Lima beans, hard boiled eggs. To this day, I hate, HATE, these foods. Other things that we didn't have at home too often, that I didn't like the first few times I tasted them, like shrimp, I eventually learned to like, and in some cases, love.

Of course, there was a total double standard in my house, too, in that he didn't let my mom make foods that he didn't like, like liver or fish, which both she, and I, loved.

My take away from this is I ask my kids to take one bite. If they really hate something, I don't serve it them again for a little while, and when I do serve it again, ask them to take just a small bite. I also serve it with other things I know they love. I am not, however, a short order cook. If you don't like anything at dinner, you go to bed without. That said, my kids will sometimes like something they didn't previously or stop liking something they loved before. I try to roll with it as much as possible.

My kids are routinely complimented on their willingness to try new foods and on the wide variety of things they eat. A mom of a boy in my daughter's class (3rd grade) said to me at BTSN, "Jack says Anne ( my dd) is so amazing the way she will eat things at lunch they have never had before. He says she will try anything. He is really amazed by Anne!"

[Anonymous]

That would make me crazy. You eat whatever you are given and say thank you, it was wonderful.

[Anonymous]

I know it's too late for picky adults, but I recall a story I heard on the Freakanomics podcast. Babies don't know what flavors do and don't go together. If you feed them a bite of veggies - like spinach followed by a tiny spoon of icecream, like with 5 or 10 seconds - they will form links in their brain that veggies are pleasurable.

Also kids need to try a new food 10-20 times before it "takes". I read somewhere that most parents give up around attempt 7. I though this was bunk until I married my husband. His family serves asparagus at almost every meal. It was my least favorite food (TMI but I would start to dry heave just thinking about the smell of asparagus pee

[Anonymous]

But I kept eating it in small amounts, with sauce, and after a year I actually like it. Besides asparagus, I am a very adventurous eater BTW

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This was one of those things I had to decide if I could deal with when I started dating my husband. It's easier to name the things he does eat than the things he doesn't: yes to burgers, fries, corn on the cob, pickles, chicken grilled or fried, apples and grapes, most sweets. Seriously, that's about it. No other vegetables, no other fruits, no sauces, no pasta, no rice, no soup, nothing ethnic. He would happily go with me to restaurants and sit and watch me eat. Never imposed on hosts, in fact hated it when anyone drew attention to his pickiness. (He had gastric bypass recently so isn't eating much of anything now.)

It runs in his family - father wont eat chicken but will eat pasta, but not much else differently. Mother says she's allergic to garlic but I'm not sure. They are all super sensitive to smells - my FIL goes berserk when MIL cooks pancakes. His sisters have at least broadened their tastes somewhat, although one sister also has an aversion to any white foods.

I have been able to live with it for nearly 15 years, but my biggest worry is how to not pass it onto our kids.

Cause => Effect

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, Anne you sound like you would drive me batty. I know I would be offering you all sorts of tasty things I know you would like if you just tried them.

Anne here. It would be mutual batty-driving. By definition, I don't LIKE to try new foods. So the very act of trying them is something I won't like. Why would I do what I don't like to do, if I am happier not doing it? (Sometimes I do try new foods, and it is solely to satisfy the other person, not my own pleasure.)

I hated the ending of Green Eggs and Ham. I really just wanted to punch Sam I Am in the face.

Anne, you have an anxiety disorder that impacts a daily life function - something you have to do 2-3 times a day. Something that impacts how you relate with people, how your colleagues view you. Something that causes high anxiety in your life. And you don't want to take a systemic medication for it?

[Anonymous]

I am what you would consider a picky eater. However, some of it is not mere preference. What is "barely spicy" to you will physically burn my tongue and take 2-3 days to go away. What is "warm" temperature-wise to you, will also burn my mouth, and my body perceives as very hot.

Please, enough with the histrionics. That's bullshit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, Anne you sound like you would drive me batty. I know I would be offering you all sorts of tasty things I know you would like if you just tried them.

Anne here. It would be mutual batty-driving. By definition, I don't LIKE to try new foods. So the very act of trying them is something I won't like. Why would I do what I don't like to do, if I am happier not doing it? (Sometimes I do try new foods, and it is solely to satisfy the other person, not my own pleasure.)

I hated the ending of Green Eggs and Ham. I really just wanted to punch Sam I Am in the face.

Anne, you have an anxiety disorder that impacts a daily life function - something you have to do 2-3 times a day. Something that impacts how you relate with people, how your colleagues view you. Something that causes high anxiety in your life. And you don't want to take a systemic medication for it?

Definitely not. I don't have anxiety often because I can usually control my own eating situations. If my anxiety can be treated through behavioral changes, there's no reason to subject my body to the side effects of systemic meds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This was one of those things I had to decide if I could deal with when I started dating my husband. It's easier to name the things he does eat than the things he doesn't: yes to burgers, fries, corn on the cob, pickles, chicken grilled or fried, apples and grapes, most sweets. Seriously, that's about it. No other vegetables, no other fruits, no sauces, no pasta, no rice, no soup, nothing ethnic. He would happily go with me to restaurants and sit and watch me eat. Never imposed on hosts, in fact hated it when anyone drew attention to his pickiness. (He had gastric bypass recently so isn't eating much of anything now.)

It runs in his family - father wont eat chicken but will eat pasta, but not much else differently. Mother says she's allergic to garlic but I'm not sure. They are all super sensitive to smells - my FIL goes berserk when MIL cooks pancakes. His sisters have at least broadened their tastes somewhat, although one sister also has an aversion to any white foods.

I have been able to live with it for nearly 15 years, but my biggest worry is how to not pass it onto our kids.

Cause => Effect

Not really sure this was necessary on this thread, but I shouldn't be surprised.

[Anonymous]

Ok. So what about when the picky spouse embarrasses the non picky spouse. For instance, we are invited over to dinner by a lovely couple we like, and either are just getting to know and they ask us we were thinking of making X or Y. Or going to an outdoor concert, we'll bring sandwiches. I'll eat anything and enjoy the experience of trying new foods and meals. But I still have to explain on his behalf that no, there is nothing you would enjoy making he will eat. No he doesn't care. Yes, he'll probably bring a deli turkey sandwhich. (on wheat version of wonderbread and nothing else, not stated). Yes it sounds lovely thank you for having us. It's not fair/ polite to not say in advance so our host says "why didn't you tell me".

Thoughts? Advice?